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Mon 9 Jul, 2007 02:45 pm
First I would like to apologize, to the usual suspects. This is not a thread about 3-ways.
It is about casual dating, and whether it really exists, or if women are pretending to be cool about it but at night are in the basement with a meat cleaver, hacking away at a pinata representing the offending party.
I just left a difficult, exhausting three-year relationship. It's been some time since I've just had fun eating Thai food, exchanging mixed CDs, and smooching--predictable twenty-something date ****. Two weeks single now, I've been out twice with Girl number 1 and enjoyed the company, but have reservations about her intentions (we met while I was still attached). I'm not ready to commit, but could be if we take it chill.
Taking it chill would mean hanging out with Girl number 2 from time to time. Let's forget that I work with her and am basically on the verge of ruining my life. I would like to be open to each girl about my attitude toward committment right now. I would like to feel each one out, literally and figuratively. And I want both of them to be okay with that.
In the past I've been prone to committment, so I beg your pardon if I'm being completely naive. But I wonder. Didn't people used to date in the old days? Why do girls now want to get marrried on the third date? Do you remember New Coke?
Just make sure neither one can stay awake longer than you can.
I have found recently that there are a lot of women who really don't care about getting serious, and would rather just let it take its own course without pushing. Of course, this is in NYC. It's different here. There are a lot more people with different ways of looking at life. And there is a certain group of people of both sexes that just want to date and screw around casually forever here.
I guess different places could possibly have different ways of looking at things, but the last two girls I dated could not have given a **** about marriage or the long-term. Of course, they were also older (mid-thirties), so that probably would give them a different outlook on life.
In other words, I guess I really have absolutely no helpful information to impart, but I didn't realize it until after I wrote all this other stuff, so I'm still posting it.
So when are you gonna find a nice girl and settle down?
Just be careful on the smooching stuff -- give some girls a smooch and they think they own you.
Be upfront about wanting to keep things casual without going into "my old girlfriend blahblahblah" because then they'll think they can fix you.
Don't expect them to exclude others either. If you're the jealous type forget it altogether.
Now go out there and have fun!
I've found a lot of nice girls. It's that whole settling down part that I seem to have trouble with.
But back to Gargamel's situation...
Re: Dating Two Girls at the Same Time (Should I Start?)
Gargamel wrote:...Let's forget that I work with her and am basically on the verge of ruining my life...
Meaning...?
Re: Dating Two Girls at the Same Time (Should I Start?)
George wrote:Gargamel wrote:...Let's forget that I work with her and am basically on the verge of ruining my life...
Meaning...?
Meaning if I
really **** up, I will
1. Piss off both girls
2. Lose all friends associated with Girl 1
3. Make work awkward
And with all the drama this last relationship involved, I'm not ready to handle more.
But I'm eager to "get back out there." The last year of former relationship was long distance. So I'm suffering from a serious vitamin love defeciency.
work should already BE awkward with someone you are dating close by.
I mean, what if you try and fart as you are leaving an empty elevator.. to only have HER standing at the door to get in?
Talk about ******* it all up right there.
Seriously..
Dont think twice about putting it all on the table. I dont think anyone will smash it with a book.
Be honest. Be upfront.
Because, there is something about a man who says that they want to date other women , and not get serious that turns alot of women on.
Really.
Its a challenge.. its exciting.. its.. tit-a-lating. So long as it is honest.
This doesnt mean you have to talk to girl 2 about sex with girl 1.
Or tell girl 1 about a date with girl 2.
But they do need to be made aware that another exists.
Dont give names, or anything personal. Just say quite simply that you ARE 'seeing' other people because you enjoy their company and nothing more.
If that simple thought destroys your relationship with either girl, then they are probably more clingy then you want right now.
Is there an easy way to say it?
uh. No. sorry bub.
But make it quick.
Boomer is right. One smooch to some women and they start knitting booties.
SO go forth and tit-a-late
What boomer said!
Just be honest and keep it light. Tell both of them, that you have multiple dating partners, and would like to keep it that way for a while. Though, be prepared for them not to accept your deal.
Yeah, I for sure think there are women out there looking for casual without secret intentions of being the only one.
The girls you describe though...umm...there are others!
Trying to be honest without being a goon.
I think going possibly self destructive and getting into fun by naughty places off the bat just brings on the freaks you want to avoid.
You'd be better off with people did not know of as this moment.
And better off with the ones who wait at least a few outings before stripping off the panties.
My 2 cents!
Nothing wrong with it.
But, waiting a wee bit helps to weed through some weirdos. Avoid complications with chicks who like to pull their hair out and give it to you. lol.
mushypancakes wrote:Yeah, I for sure think there are women out there looking for casual without secret intentions of being the only one.
The girls you describe though...umm...there are others!
Trying to be honest without being a goon.
I think going possibly self destructive and getting into fun by naughty places off the bat just brings on the freaks you want to avoid.
You'd be better off with people did not know of as this moment.
And better off with the ones who wait at least a few outings before stripping off the panties.
My 2 cents!
Okay. Please heed this addendum.
I'm a good guy who's never been interested in whores.
But also, it would be pleasant if both of these really nice, totally cute girls let me have sex with them.
HEY!
whats a little hair pulling amongst friends.
hmmmmm?
I can't comment on you young folk....although you DO, from all accounts, at least in some groups, appear a very serious lot! Or maybe it's an American thing....
Anyhoo, the work thing worries me a bit, (you're right, if it goes sour, you both need to be tres cool to pull it off) but, speaking personally, I have no problem with someone, including me, seeing a bunch of people, unless there are lies involved...eg if one of the people is saying it's exclusive, and they love you only and all that. (One of my friends had an experience with a fella like that recently.)
dlowan wrote:I can't comment on you young folk....although you DO, from all accounts, at least in some groups, appear a very serious lot! Or maybe it's an American thing....
Anyhoo, the work thing worries me a bit, (you're right, if it goes sour, you both need to be tres cool to pull it off) but, speaking personally, I have no problem with someone, including me, seeing a bunch of people, unless there are lies involved...eg if one of the people is saying it's exclusive, and they love you only and all that. (One of my friends had an experience with a fella like that recently.)
Seriously. I swear I've met a whole contingent, since moving to Chicago, of late twenty-somethings ready to date after having "divorced" a long-term girlfriend/boyfriend.
People in their early twenties think it's time to get married, until they realize they want to
do ****, like travel or study.
shewolfnm wrote:HEY!
whats a little hair pulling amongst friends.
hmmmmm?
I've got something for you Shewolf....a birthday present......<aaaaouhch>
Grin.
Gargamel wrote:
Okay. Please heed this addendum.
I'm a good guy who's never been interested in whores.
But also, it would be pleasant if both of these really nice, totally cute girls let me have sex with them.
Sorry.
I thought even nice guys liked whores, a least a little bit and sometimes and some whorishness.
Backing away slowly....now..
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