Kids spitting in your face - ethics of upbringing

The Immediate reaction is the one she must learn to control.

Do not lightly slap children.

Children learn from adult behaviour and may likely use physical violence to get what they want.

Removal of privileges such as a favourite treat like a bedtime story, no ice cream/ sweets or taking toys away are good alternatives.

The only time I could condone physical pain inducing punishment is when a life threatening situation has arisen because of the childs behaviour. Playing with matches/fire or running onto a road are examples. Children also need to be told (after the punishmnet is complete) that even if they are being punished they are still well loved.

Your girlfriend should discuss what forms of discipline are acceptable with her employers.

I once had a puppy, who bit me. I picked up his paw, looked him straight in the eye, and bit him back. He never bit again.

Children are not puppies!

I WAS ONLY KIDDING I DONT REALLY EXPECT A KID TO THINK LIKE THAT LOL..!!!

(Emphasis added.)

As dlowan said, there are other ways to address a child's behavior besides hitting, though. I've never hit my kid, nor come close, nor threatened, and she also would never spit in someone's face (nor would she have when she was 4).

Studies have shown over and over again that hitting a child as punishment doesn't necessarily scar them for life or anything BUT is less effective than other methods of discipline. As in, if your only goal is behavior modification, there are more effective ways. Violence just teaches violence -- sometimes other teachings are able to override that, but it doesn't mean that teaching violence by example is OK, IMO.

WTF? She's a puppet, is she?



Kids constantly test. They test your resolve, they test the boundaries. You'd best know what you're gonna do before they test or you'll be caught flat-footed.

<nodding>

You don't/ can't reason with a 4-year-old who has just spit in your face -- they're already in some sort of high emotional dudgeon. There are still a lot of methods between "lightweight reasoning chitchat" and slapping a kid's face though.

Exactly. Ya gotta wind up and put some weight into it!

oh **** kicky, if i was drinking something,i i would have spat it out from laughing so hard.

damn

Precisely because there are other methods of discipline I employ when my children do their run of the mill misbehaving, and because spitting in someone's face is way over the top in my view, no matter how emotionally upset the child was or is at that point, time out or taking away a treat or mommy telling Olivia or Joseph that she is "really, really disappointed" by their behavior- would not have been on the agenda.

I think kids need to learn that actions have consequences. And if they're going to be nasty and hurtful and rude to people, they might just need to find out that people will be nasty and hurtful and rude back to them- better they find it out at four than at fourteen or forty.

I do not agree with and would never slap a child's face. I have never spit at another person in my life, and certainly wouldn't start with a child. But if my child spit in someone's face, I have to say my first reaction would be- "Sweetheart- you pretty much asked for what you got back." The other person's reaction may not have been RIGHT- but it would have been understandable to me on some level and I would try to teach my child that if they are going to behave in such a way- they may have to learn to expect less than pleasant treatment in return.

Soz- you sound like a very even-tempered person. So am I, along with the fact that I don't enjoy hurting people, physically or otherwise. But having worked with and yes, taken abuse from many, many uppity kids- that's one of my sore points with my own kids. I do not and will not tolerate them behaving disrespectfully- especially to adults- because I know how it feels.
If anyone spit in my face, adult or child, I assure you I would calmly wipe it off and walk away. But I would NEVER stand for my own child acting in such a manner- and I would yes- swat them on the butt. BIG DEAL.

Why would you swat them on the butt? To teach them a lesson and get them to understand it's not acceptable, right?

My point is that there are other disciplinary methods that have been shown to be much more effective at doing just that.

I understand swatting as an emotional response, and if it's a parent who did it I wouldn't be calling for child protective services to come in or anything. If someone here said they did it and felt terrible I'd be saying there there, it's not the end of the world, parenting is hard and none of us get through it without making mistakes.

I just don't think that in the cold light of day, sitting here calmly talking about what we would do in that situation, hitting is a child is a response to be planned or aspired to. There are other, better ways of getting a kid to stop unacceptable behavior.

aidan-just curious, would you have said anything to the person who slapped your kid for spitting in their face?

Tell me Soz, what would you do if your little girl spat in someone's face? How would you discipline her?

are you a puppet, are you? you sound like you have never done anything before giving it a deep thought

we all sometimes do things we later regret

My little girls wouldn't spit in anyone's face, because they've already been taught to respect other people. They learned that when they shoved, tried to take toys from other children, and from not treating the kitties gently.

They've also never been given the example of spitting in someone's face.

I have to ask -- why are the grandparents now in charge of the kids?

I ask this because my son, Mo, spent the first two years of his life in a home where adults spitting at each other, and worse, was not uncommon.

When he first came here he would spit, and worse, at me.

I suppose I could have reinforced the idea of disrespect by hitting, slapping, or spitting at him but I'm really glad I didn't. I have a really hard time with the idea that the way to teach someone respect is by not respecting them.

I've certainly done things I regret.

Those things do not include striking a person, let alone a child.



My point was that "it was her hand slapping the kid" is a cop-out. Whether she likes it or not, she's the one that slapped the child.

Exactly.