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Crying, pro and con and inbetween

 
 
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:02 am
I go for long bits without crying my brains out, but then, other times I do that.
My business partner, whom I still mostly respect though we are not in business any more, and knew as a woman and a friend, despised crying.

But I remembered when my husband wanted out, I cried for months, off and on, spontaneously. I do that now, driving down the stree, parking in the grocery store lot, re Pacco.

She (business partner) took/takes crying as mostly a ploy.

I agree it can be, but no, not always. They're emotions at the boiling surface.

I've various reasons to cry lately, starting with my dog. But then, tonight, my cousin's son called, he is getting married again. I'd given up on that cousin waft of the family. Haven't heard from them in, oh long time, me doing most of the calling and emailing, then stopped it.

Waaaaaaaaaaaah! I was so happy to hear from him. I bounced him as a baby...
Luckily, I navigated the conversation before crying.

I have two primo cousins, they being sisters. I love both of them. One has shut herself and famiglia off to devote herself to her family up north.
This sounds fairly thickly based and none of my business, something about conservation of energy, but then it includes me in the cutoff. What was I doing visiting and being friends that quarter century?

Both are very professional, one a respected psychologist and the other a cpa at federal level.

I was at that or approaching that level years before both of them, but then had problems (eyes).

I see who reaches out to me.

The cousin least like me. The now retiring accountant.

And now one of the sons of the cousin who needed to separate.


Waaaaaaaaaah.
Geez, it means a lot.

I'm, perhaps unfortunately, reading Anita Brookner right now, talk about despair. Good read if you can stand it. ("Making Things Better")


I've learned various lessons about who gives a ****. Not that I don't love both cousins, but plain old affection is a good thing.
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Chumly
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:22 am
I understand the need to cry.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:33 am
Yeh. I go for years being stalwart, crying only at socially appropriate times. But now, I find my self driving down the street with tears streaming. I've done this before, it's not news. But not recently. Sure, I'll snap out of it, I've been there before and understand not to do that when driving. No lecture please. I'll pull over if necessary. But, the whole episode may be a few seconds, all in control.

My own experience with this before, is to cry when walking, walk it out.
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sakhi
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:48 am
Chumly wrote:
I understand the need to cry.


Me too. It's my emotional outlet on several occasions..
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 03:28 am
I say blubber away, kid. Who's it hoiting?

I think it's a good release.
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 06:24 am
Re: Crying, pro and con and inbetween
ossobuco wrote:
I do that now, driving down the stree, parking in the grocery store lot, re Pacco.

I'm not against a good cry, but this sounds more like a mild depression.
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Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 06:31 am
I don't cry a lot over serious things. But give me a "four handkerchief movie", and I become a blubbering idiot. I think that is my way of dealing with serious stuff. I allow myself to let loose about things that really don't matter, and hold it in when it does.

Years ago, the was an old TV show, "Bride and Groom" where people got married on TV. Every time I watched that show, I cried my eyes out, and I didn't even know the people who were getting married.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 06:37 am
"Ploy"?

That seems seriously weird to me. I mean crocodile tears exist, I'm sure there are people who cry as a ploy. But as a blanket generalization re: crying?

Heartily disagree.

About the only time I hold it in is when I think it'd freak out the kid. (She gets very concerned if I cry.) I don't always do it then, either, depends on the situation. But most of the time, if I feel like I need to cry, I cry.

I see what DrewDad is saying about mild depression but since it's likely to be situational -- Pacco -- I'm not sure if you need to do anything about it per se.
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mushypancakes
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:15 am
I understand despising crying. Seeing it generalized as a ploy by others.

Understand that point of view but don't think it applies here at all. That's a whole other discussion.

I can't feel what you feel,
But I know it feels bad.
I know that its real
And it makes you so mad.
You can cry.
Cry if you want to,
I won't tell you not to.
I won't try to cheer you up.
I'll just be here if you want me to be
near you.
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JPB
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:17 am
I cry when I'm happy or angry, seldom when I'm sad <shrug>. Movies, weddings, or seeing someone else becoming emotional are all triggers. I can't handle anger very well. Fortunately, I seldom get that angry. Ploy? to accomplish what? I disagree with your friend, osso. Blather away, it's good for you.
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gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:20 am
The last time I cried was when Bush was re-elected. I hadn't cried like that in four years.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:40 am
This is close to home for me.


I cry pathetically easily...and it ISN'T a "ploy"....I kind of know why I do it, but it's too complicated to explain.


Thing is, if I don't TRY to stop, I can talk/function perfectly normally, even if crying. And I usually stop pretty quickly.


But, because people who DON'T cry think it is a much bigger deal than it is, I try not to....then I can't talk properly etc., and it goes on and on.

Drives me nuts.


However, I think it is healthier to let go and cry when you need to.

I just wish I had total control.


My terror is crying in the witness box when some shithead lawyer tries to bully me......this is the secret terror of a lot of people whose jobs force them into Family Court and suchlike from time to time.
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gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:43 am
dlowan wrote:
My terror is crying in the witness box when some shithead lawyer tries to bully me.


No lawyer is going to bring down the rabbit.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:47 am
gustavratzenhofer wrote:
dlowan wrote:
My terror is crying in the witness box when some shithead lawyer tries to bully me.


No lawyer is going to bring down the rabbit.


Lol! When they got no case, crap behaviour is all they have left.

So far, so good.
0 Replies
 
Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:49 am
Quote:
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.


http://glenavalon.com/idletears.html

As a child I was taught that self pity was an ignoble emotion, so I rarely cry from sorrow. I was also taught that expressed anger was not acceptable in A Good Woman's emotional quiver. To compensate I've been known to weep tears of rage.

I'm doing more and more Tennyson-type, nostalgic crying as I get older.
My daily routine is packed with oodles of low-key tension which can't be cured so must be endured.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:52 am
I cry pretty easily too. When I get really frustrated or angry I cry. When I am sad I cry. When I am hurt I cry.

It's annoying to me because I don't WANT to...I just do.

And sometimes I feel like other people think it's a ploy so I stopped letting people see me cry all together. I don't even like my husband to see me cry so I usually leave the room when I start.
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Tico
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:53 am
I cry at sappy movies, and sometimes while reading sad passages in books or poems. I cry when I'm angry or extremely frustrated and sometimes when I'm very happy. It might look like a ploy, but it's not. In fact, it makes me angry that I DO cry, when in public situations.

There was a post some time ago, I think by Spidergal, about the benefits of tears.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 07:55 am
My first mother-in-law blackmailed both her husband and her son with fits of violent hysteria. So did my grandmother (and I understand that her daughter, my aunt, copied this behavior).

I can't remember the exact words, but there was a Victorian cliche that tears were the bludgeon of the weak.
0 Replies
 
mushypancakes
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 08:03 am
That's what I am familiar with, Noddy. It doesn't have the hold on me it used to (if you are crying, it MUST be a ploy!), but I am still very leery of criers.

Girl cries, doesn't pay the ticket.
Girl cries, she gets the attention and what needs attending to is forgotten.
Girl cries, she gets the boy.
Girl cries, she doesn't have to do her work.
Girl cries, the kid gets a 'lickin' for being bad. Rolling Eyes

I once had a boss who was this sort. Horrible, horrible. She'd cry if someone showed up late! Laughing

Please don't take this the wrong way, yall who can cry in ease. There is crying because you really feel something and that is that, and there is nothing wrong with a good cry sometimes.

There is sure a lot of leverage to be used with crying though, if one is so inclined.
0 Replies
 
Tico
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 08:04 am
I found the Spidergal post in a topic called "Weeping" by Levi. It was a link to an article:

tears are good
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