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Crying, pro and con and inbetween

 
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 08:06 am
I do resist crying in those kinds of "help!" situations. Well that's not quite right, crying is not usually my impulse in those kinds of situations. Usually if there is a problem of some kind I get into focused, let's-solve-this mode, and crying if it happens usually only happens after it's resolved (release of tension, if it was a BIG problem).
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 08:22 am
I'm a private cryer. When enough things have gone wrong & it all starts to feel rather overwhelming, almost anything can get me going: an item on the news, the sad predicament of a friend, stories of loss or cruelty to animals .... But in public situations it's an entirely different story. No one would ever guess how wobbly & vulnerable I might actually be feeling. I even fool myself!
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 10:18 am
Bella Dea wrote:
I cry pretty easily too. When I get really frustrated or angry I cry. When I am sad I cry. When I am hurt I cry.

It's annoying to me because I don't WANT to...I just do.

And sometimes I feel like other people think it's a ploy so I stopped letting people see me cry all together. I don't even like my husband to see me cry so I usually leave the room when I start.


That's exactly the way I feel/am. When I get angry - I want to show my anger and not cry. The emotions get the best of me and I cry while I am shouting - I get so mad at myself as I want to be "strong" and not cry. It seems to me a sign on weakness and I do not want to be weak.

I also do not think it is appropriate to cry at work - again showing a sign of weakness and appearing unprofessional.
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 10:21 am
I also found that I cry much more easily (without wanting to) since I had children - not sure if it could be hormone related or simply things affect my heart more now that I have children.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:16 pm
Linkat wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:



I also do not think it is appropriate to cry at work - again showing a sign of weakness and appearing unprofessional.


This is the worst. I hate it when I get really really frustrated at work and feel tears coming on. I have to excuse myself quickly to go to the restroom to gather myself because I'd just die if i started crying in front of my boss.
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shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 12:24 pm
Odd. Osso's opening post made me think of how often Ian has seen me cry.

And I can probally name all of them.

I cried when my 'then' good friend insulted him.

I cried when I had my stroke

I cried when I had Jillian

I cried when we got this apt

I cried the other night because of some really painful stomach cramps.


Mind you, I dont like crying either. But I allow myself to do it, but it is almost a dirty secret as most people I know have not seen me cry. They just hear about it the next day.
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Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:32 pm
shewolfnm wrote:
Odd. Osso's opening post made me think of how often Ian has seen me cry.

And I can probally name all of them.

I cried when my 'then' good friend insulted him.

I cried when I had my stroke

I cried when I had Jillian

I cried when we got this apt

I cried the other night because of some really painful stomach cramps.


Mind you, I dont like crying either. But I allow myself to do it, but it is almost a dirty secret as most people I know have not seen me cry. They just hear about it the next day.


Oh I don't like it - people seeing me cry, but many have as it seems to be uncontrollable.

Although I do enjoy crying when driving alone in the car if I hear a song that reminds me of something, or some one says something sweet, funny or sad on the radio or any where else alone like reading a book, seeing a movie or just having certain thoughts.

When I was pregnant I took my older daughter to see Beauty and the Beast - people stared at me when we were leaving because I had been bawling during the movie.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:38 pm
The only times I remember crying at work, were
1) when I left my first job - I'd worked at a local hospital for six years, end of high school and university. I was going on to other things, but had made good friends there and felt attached. I can remember walking down the front steps and towards the bus stop with tears running down my face.
Lessee, that was 1963.
2) in the nineties, I came back from lunch into our design studio to the news that the gulf war had started. Everybody was cheering, me with the tearing..
Whatever contested situations went on in either my lab days or landarch days, I managed not to cry.
So, yeah, there is a big situational thing going on, for me at least, not to cry at work. Or, hey, IN grocery stores.

On situational depression, I'm sure I have some of it. Hah, and reading Brookner's book is NOT helping, however excellent it is on matters of aging.

Pacco is with me most of the time and I tend to just deal, so far, with his impending passing, not bursting into tears most of the time.
But when I get in the car to go to the grocery store, I guess there's a relief valve happening with the tearing. I no longer take him for many car rides, which are one of his favorite things. The car is then a kind of release space.
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FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:44 pm
What is it about the car? I think I tear up in the car sometimes, usually in response to something moving or heartbreaking I hear on npr. Maybe it's that it's so private?

I'm sorry about Pacco, Osso. I don't share your partner's perspective on crying in general. I certainly think there are people who use it like that, but they are usually children or behave as children. On the flip side, there are those who don't cry, ever. I think that's just as bad. I think we all need the release sometimes.
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:53 pm
Osso--

I think crying in the car is both thoughtful and appropriate. You don't want to burden Pacco with your grief.

He would worry.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:54 pm
I do think of it as a tension release...

I've read that in some cases crying can be related to repressed memory - a friend of a friend had that situation - and dlowan has written here on some treatment they do for that. I seem to remember it being controversial.
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shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 01:56 pm
Ohhh car crying.
I forgot about that.

I do allow myself to tear up to corny love songs, and songs that make me think of things/people who may not be in my life any more.

It does feel good.



Pacco. Maybe I will meet you , little one..
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cyphercat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 02:01 pm
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that you're having to think about losing your Pacco, Osso. I know he means so much to you. You know what an animal lover I am, so I really, really feel for you. I have a rabbit who has been with me for about nine years now, and I watch him obsessively, just dreading the first sign that things are going wrong Crying or Very sad Having pets age is.....oh, no words for it.

Is he ill with something, or is it just aging in general?



On crying, I was a crier my whole life, then went through a stage in my late teens where I was just terribly, terribly hardened to it and absolutely did not let anyone see me cry... My parents were breaking up, and my mom took a lot of her anger out on me, and if I cried, it just...well, I felt that I couldn't afford to give anyone any leverage on me, I suppose. But I was horribly pent up during those years...it was a relief when I started to get back to my old self and be able to cry at the drop of a hat again Smile (still REALLY don't like to in front of my mom, though.)
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 02:35 pm
Cypher, HERE.

There was another thread, but this one will give you the gist.
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cyphercat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 02:59 pm
Oh, I just read the whole thread. Sad Sorry to hear about it, Osso. I know you don't want to get into that any more right now, but my thoughts are with you both.
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dlowan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 03:57 pm
ossobuco wrote:
I do think of it as a tension release...

I've read that in some cases crying can be related to repressed memory - a friend of a friend had that situation - and dlowan has written here on some treatment they do for that. I seem to remember it being controversial.



I most certainly have never written anything on "treatment" for "repressed memory"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Nor never would, neither.



You ar elikely thinking of EMDR for PTSD.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 04:00 pm
Yes that's it, I was trying to remember which one, edited it back and forth.
Beg your pardon.
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caribou
 
  1  
Reply Thu 7 Jun, 2007 04:29 pm
I've been crying more lately. Mostly frustration at life. Being tired and muscle achy doesn't help.

I hate crying in front of other people!
I walk away at work when it gets to be too much. Dry my eyes, and go back into the fray.

Noddy is right once again, crying in the car is less of a burden to Pacco.
Poor Osso, poor Pacco.

I think it's a good release...
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Roberta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2007 03:00 am
I used to work with a woman who cried all the time. Something didn't go quite right? Tears. Maybe she did something wrong? Blubber.

I hated this. It was unprofessional. And it made people uncomfortable. I finally got her to stop.

How?

Countercrying. Worked like a charm. :wink:
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caribou
 
  1  
Reply Fri 8 Jun, 2007 03:10 am
Just wanted to be clear...
I'm not blubbering in front of all.
When the stress gets high, I take a walk, even if it is just to the bathroom and back. Other times, I suck it up.


Counter crying? Yikes.
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