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Need Advice

 
 
flushd
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 May, 2007 02:27 pm
Oh please. You've stayed longer than most would, and that is not a compliment to you.

Get rid of this idea that sticking around perpetually trying to save someone you care about is noble.

There is nothing noble about being a damn martyr and fool.
You also encourage and say "yes, yes, it's okay for you to do this" when you stay with someone who tells you "It's my life, stay out of it."

So you are letting him treat you like crap.

Have the guts to stand up and leave. You deserve someone sober. Who will talk to you and show an interest.

Or do you disagree? Do you like being with a drinker who shows more interest in himself than others?
He cares more right now about his problems, his booze, than about you or someone who might get hurt when he drives around drunk.

Wake up. It is sucky situation, but you aren't the first to love someone who loved the drink and their own misery at the expense of those in their life.

You go down with them if you stay. Easy as that.
0 Replies
 
shortygurl
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 May, 2007 02:29 pm
I know it isn't easy to be around an addict and I may not be able to help But my ex that I was with for 2 years ended up gettin into some worse thing other than drinking and he said the only way he'd be clean is with my help because he needed to get away from his friends that did what he was doing. He was bad into Oc's and I ended up taking him to rehab because if I didn't he would have died. I took him away from his friends and helped him but the only difference is he wanted the help beause he knew if he continued down the road he was going on he would end up dead. I think I will try an al-anon group. I just hope something will work and if I can't be the one to help him then he has to be the one to do it and want to do it for himself.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 May, 2007 02:32 pm
shortygurl wrote:
he has to be the one to do it and want to do it for himself.


that's what it's all about
0 Replies
 
shortygurl
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 May, 2007 02:36 pm
ok maybe you are right maybe I do deserve to be treated better and I do deserve to be with someone sober but it's hard he has neices and nefews that are attached to me and I love his family and I know I may be wrong for sticking around this long but I hate hurting people that is not my thing and If I walk away he will have nothing. I wonder if maybe I could just leave and tell him I need a break until he wants to straighten himself out then maybe we could then have a relationship but at this point I'm not so sure that would even work. Well he can't drive around because he has already gotten an OUI so they only thing he is doing is hurting himself and being miserable and I do understand if I stay he will bring me down and I don't need that but at the same time I am not a happy person to begin with.
0 Replies
 
AziMythe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 5 May, 2007 11:11 pm
shortygurl wrote:
... I ended up taking him to rehab because if I didn't he would have died. I took him away from his friends and helped him but the only difference is he wanted the help beause he knew if he continued down the road he was going on he would end up dead.

This person ASKED you for help. Because of that, your actions really did help.


shortygurl wrote:
...I may be wrong for sticking around this long but I hate hurting people that is not my thing and If I walk away he will have nothing.
...
Well he can't drive around because he has already gotten an OUI so they only thing he is doing is hurting himself and being miserable .

This person has NOT ASKED you for help. Because of that, you are probably hurting him by staying around.
Are you a hurtful person?
The more you support his habit by making life easier, the more you're prolonging his natural process.

You can think about your own health or what you deserve, but for HIS benefit get away from him!

Let him really get into his misery, and go through it the way he needs to.
Until he has a horrible terrible experience that turns him around, he needs to get more and more into the misery.

When you make the process slower or more comfortable, you are hurting him. Enabling him
to deal with everyday life makes the alcoholism longer, deeper, darker, and more dangerous.

To help him, all you have to do is LEAVE.
Let him fall, so he can learn how to stand.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 6 May, 2007 06:37 am
very well explained...I understand it better now too.
0 Replies
 
shortygurl
 
  1  
Reply Mon 7 May, 2007 10:11 am
Ok I get it now thx This may be hard to do but I guess he has to do this on his own. It's up to him now and No one else.
0 Replies
 
 

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