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Tue 2 Jan, 2007 02:07 pm
Isn't it wonderful when a little niece, nephew or other small relative comes to stay, especially when they are at the age when they believe every word you say.
Whole afternoons can be used up, telling them tall tales and downright lies, so that they can go back and confuse the hell out of their parents at a later date.
My top ten.......
1. When I was your age, Weetabix came in eight different shapes.
2. Kangaroos are actually mice that are REALLY close up.
3. It's very unlucky NOT to name every ant you see.
4. Before they can fight, Superheroes have to pick out all the noises their punches and kicks will make.
5. A large slice of cheese, when slotted into a VCR, will play a short film about cows.
6. One in ten fish are afraid of water.
7. Your daddy didn't go bald naturally. He just likes having his hair cut that way.
8. Mice collect your dandruff while you are sleeping. They then eat it for breakfast, like cornflakes.
9. Every square has a fifth side, but you won't see it unless you stare very, very hard for a long time.
10. If you scatter drawing pins next to an ants nest and wait 'til it rains, they'll turn them upside down and use them as umbrellas.
Any more downright lies out there?
Or bedtime stories, of course.
Like.....
Once upon a time, a tooth fairy went to get one of Dracula's fangs, but Dracula's castle was really dark and she ended up cutting herself on the fang by mistake, and ever since then she's been a blood sucking vampire tooth fairy, and lived happily ever after...., goodnight.
........Clowns melt at 29 degrees Celcius.
You know that funny word that your Daddy uses when he bangs his finger with a hammer? It means "Please" and you should always use it at school or when you are at the shops.
that's not rain...God is crying because of something you did...
tell them you're taking them to disney world and then drive them to an old burnt out warehouse ana tell them it must have burned down.....
"Mama likes to be called 'bitch.'"
if you don't fall asleep before a certain time, bugs will burrow into your head through your ear canals and eat your brains.
If you want to wake up Daddy, hit him right on the zipper.
Could use the ones my older brother used on me....
You"re going to grow a mustache someday cause you have hair up your nose .(okay, it works best on girls)
You are adopted.
Warm cake (or cookies or muffins, etc.) are poisonous. You have to wait to eat them until they cool down, or they'll make you sick at your stomach.
(A friend of mine who had FIVE siblings swears she believed this until she was grown. It was the only way her mother knew to make sure baked goods survived intact until after dinner.)
......In Denmark they use bacon as banknotes.
Inside every guitar, there lives a small hairy creature called a Warris, that only eats human fingers.
V funny Lordy.
You forgot...
"When you hear that tune the ice cream van plays, it means they've run out of ice cream."
There's a troll that lives in the upstairs carpet... that's why you don't have an older brother.
Ellpus, You owe me a new VCR.
(5. A large slice of cheese, when slotted into a VCR, will play a short film about cows.)
Eva wrote:Warm cake (or cookies or muffins, etc.) are poisonous. You have to wait to eat them until they cool down, or they'll make you sick at your stomach........
We used to be told, whatever time of year, that a robin would be watching us through the window, and if anyone took a scone before they were given permission, the robin would go and tell Santa.
When I got to about fifteen or so, I started to have my doubts that this was true.
Oh, you better watch out
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I'm tellin' you why:
Santa Claus is DEAD!
Dorothy Parker wrote:
V funny Lordy.
You forgot...
"When you hear that tune the ice cream van plays, it means they've run out of ice cream."
MY NAN USED TO TELL US THAT ONE! God, that bought back some memories.
It must be a Manc thing.
You just reminded me of a joke, DP.............
The only reason a Scotsman fits double glazing is so that his kids won't be able to hear the ice cream van.
when you experience a severe shock or trauma - like a bad car accident or an armed robbery - your two front teeth will switch places (throw in a few latin terms into a detailed explanation and you'll have even older ones hooked)
My Dad told me this one once............
(whilst sitting on a wooden chair)
If you grab both sides of your chair and pull upwards, you'll lift yourself into the air.
I fooled my Mum with this one, many years ago.
(Mum, driving into very bright sunlight)
"Mum, if you put your main beam headlights on, it'll cut down the amount of dazzle from the sun"
She did.
On another occasion, when she'd gone past a turning and stopped, I told her that it was illegal to reverse a car on a Sunday. She drove on and went down the next road, eventually working her way round to the destination using another route.
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