how to end affair

how to end affair--please help
Just to say that I am getting stronger every day and most of this is due to your advice which I read from time to time.

A friend of mine told me that I should not have said that I wanted a serious talk with him as most men would run a mile. I told her that if I had only known him a few months she would be right, but after 8 years I was entitled to and anyway his response (or lack of it) demonstrates that he was just using me to "unload" everything if you get my drift.

People who are in love are on the phone pretty frequently (more than once a week anyway!) so the vibes were there--I just chose to ignore them--silly me.
Anyway, the longer that time goes on, I really can see him for what he is and I am not desperate for him to call because at the end of the day what have I lost--absolutely nothing because he gave me nothing. I will never accept his crumbs again.

Happy New Year to you all.

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Best wishes to you, too, trophy. New year, new you. Go get 'em, tigress.

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trophy - ^5's to you!

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Re: how to end affair--please help

trophy wrote:

I will never accept his crumbs again.

Great to see! Thanks for updating us.

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Trophy--

You're building yourself a very Happy New Year.

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That's the spirit trophy! Best of luck for 2007 and the foreseeable future!

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Best wishes to you, trophy! I'm glad to see your spirit and sense of personal value returning.

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From HappyCat -
Well ossobuco, apparently the poster is not able to be as straight-forward as you... which is the reason she asked for help here on the board.
While our ideas may seem 'chickenshit' to you, one of them may be the answer for which she's looking."

My opinion is my help. Sorry if you don't like it. Courtesy should obtain with a connection of many years - usually, in ordinary circumstances.

Also sorry that Trophy was in a spot where she couldn't really communicate with the fellow. That is a place of some vulnerability. Am very glad you are moving away from that place, Trophy.

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Ossobuco remains a very wise woman.

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I dunno how wise, seems obvious.

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I agree with Occom Bill.

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how to end affair
Hi, not so good today. Feeling angry and want him to tell me why he is such a coward in not meeting me. Why wouldn't he do that for me?

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because he's a coward.

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Re: how to end affair

trophy wrote:

Hi, not so good today. Feeling angry and want him to tell me why he is such a coward in not meeting me. Why wouldn't he do that for me?

More importantly; why does it matter to you? Deny him this control over your thoughts. He isn't worth it.

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Re: how to end affair--please help

trophy wrote:

Anyway, the longer that time goes on, I really can see him for what he is and I am not desperate for him to call because at the end of the day what have I lost--absolutely nothing because he gave me nothing. I will never accept his crumbs again.
Happy New Year to you all.

Didn't you just say this? Why the anger, then? You must be having difficulty moving on.

If I were you, I'd take osso's advice a couple of pages back. A quick end is cleaner and healthier. Quit obsessing on this guy. Time to get on with the rest of your life.

You sound like you're feeling sorry for yourself. If that's true, consider this:

You used each other and you chose to spend those 8 yrs of your life that way. You've only got yourself to blame for the predicament you're in. And he's no more an a$$hole than he was before. You just didn't see him this way.

Harsh words, maybe, but true.

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Trophy--

Life is full of ups and downs.

Quote:

Hi, not so good today. Feeling angry and want him to tell me why he is such a coward in not meeting me. Why wouldn't he do that for me?

He's probably telling himself that he wants to end the affair without a lot of bickering and ugliness--that he wants to remember you as devoted, compliant and very convenient.

In his dreams--you're gone and he has his dreams.

More objectively, the guy is both a coward and a self-centered individual.
Giving you a chance to rant and rave wouldn't be "fun" for him--and he doesn't choose to schedule events that aren't fun.

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how to end affair
I just got back home after spending xmas with family and he is just up the road so I am brooding. I would have liked the chance to have told him about his behaviour as he seems to find it ok which is part of his arrogance. I seem to have left the affair with a whimper. I just know that I would have met up and taken the medicine because I feel that I would owe the person that--just being courteous. But as you say not much fun or gain for him and the end result would be the same---good bye.

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Trophy--

He's not a Romantic Lover--he's a habit, and you're going to ditch the habit.

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I think you girls are all being beastly to the weaker sex.

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Re: how to end affair--please help

Mame wrote:

trophy wrote:
Anyway, the longer that time goes on, I really can see him for what he is and I am not desperate for him to call because at the end of the day what have I lost--absolutely nothing because he gave me nothing. I will never accept his crumbs again.
Happy New Year to you all.

Didn't you just say this? Why the anger, then? You must be having difficulty moving on.

If I were you, I'd take osso's advice a couple of pages back. A quick end is cleaner and healthier. Quit obsessing on this guy. Time to get on with the rest of your life.

Some of us have perhaps forgotten that getting over and moving past someone we loved or thought we loved is rarely a steady uphill process. Especially after eight years. Even eight years of bullshit. You move back and forth between strong and determined and weak and heartbroken. The latter eventually wears away but in the beginning, it's one day strong, next day weak. I'm sure that Trophy probably feels differently now than when she wrote this morning. (at least, I hope so.)

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