i think my husband is addicted to internet porn

But a problem does exsist if you are feeling uncomfortable with it. Would he agree to go to counseling if you explained to him that its for you and would mean alot if he would go just out of support for your feelings?

Its possible he knows/understands that there line between fantasy and reality and never the twain shall meet.

Doing a hooker/escort can sometimes be the same as masturbating. A release of sexual tension, however he needs to understand how you feel about this and to accomadate your feelings. In short he needs to decide not to risk losing you over what he may view as just a bit of fun and games.

If you feel that his fantasy activities are causing him to ignore your needs your concerns are valid and binding on your husband. I don't think the problem should be a concern regarding his "perversion" or "sinfulness." But he is obliged as your husband to make efforts to remove obstacles to the satisfaction of your intimacy needs.

i've friend with similar problems, porn addiction, but accompanied by indifference...to everything. Does this mean the marriage is falling apart? I keep telling her this, and its slowly sinking in. What i'd like to know, is there a support group for people like this...?

i appreciate your reply, everybody......his "fascination" with porn (more specifically, bondage) has been going on for at least 10 years.....it doesn't look like he's getting "bored" with it....i have decided to speak to my therapist about it, i really need to deal with my feelings because i am starting to resent him for it and not want to be intimate with him......thanks everyone for replying...

I see no one looks at the links. Well, I won't do that again.

ossobuco......i did look at the links and i do appreciate it....i forgot to thank you, sorry.....they were insightful, some helpful...there certainly were a lot........

I'd leave him. WITH the kids. "Going on vacation with my friend while you figure which is more important to you - your family, or your porn."

Ok. You most likely won't do that, and probably for some good (or not so good) reasons.

I think talking to someone professionally is a GREAT idea though. This doesn't seem to be just about porn. It's seems more about your relationship, your family, and your health.

The problem with "normal" porn is that it "mis-educates" men sexually. Porn never, as far as I have seen, includes kissing and embracing. It's sole focus is on genitalia and their capacity to give and receive pleasure. There's nothing wrong with that when it involves the giving and receivng of pleasurable sensations as loving gifts which includes kissing and hugging.
In addition to this tendency to ignore emotional expression and loving altruism, there is the totally unacceptable forms of "sick" porn, including sadomasochism (bondage), child porn and bestialism. Barbunny, I am bending over backwards (perhaps an unfortunate phrase in this context) to not be prudish, but I do consider an attachment to such perverse forms of pornography as grounds for ultimatums or divorce. Who wants to live in a sick environment?
And even if either the husband or wife comes, for whatever reason, to not want to express loving affection that itself constitutes a marital problem. Life is not easy.

thanks again for your replies.....

JLNobody, you got it right......life is not easy....i've been reading a lot of the threads on this site as well as other sites about porn and the type of porn my husband is into, and it isn't right...i don't have a problem with my husband looking at porn in moderation and "normal" stuff, but it is interfering with our relationship..(by the way, you are quite eloquent JLNobody)....once i talk to the therapist, i'm hoping i'll be better able to handle the situation and hopefully be somewhat prepared for if he doesn't want to work with me on this...

it feels so good to talk about it..i really thought i was blowing things out of proportion and being paranoid....i lack self confidence and my self esteem is low, so, not only knowing that my husband would rather watch porn than be with me is difficult, but having to tell him how it makes me feel is one of the hardest things i've had to do....wish me luck everyone and i will keep you all updated....

Now that's funny

Yeah, that IS funny, given that Gus is a reviewer of porno films.

O.K., I take that back. It just occured to me that somebody might believe it. Gus is a saint.

Laughing while agreeing..

I've always said a little porn never hurt anyone and generally speaking, internet porn is fine. Most threads like this, the woman WAS blowing it out of proportion and being completely irrational. And the problem wasn't the porn, but something else (like hiding it or lying).

But it does sound excessive. If he was drinking like this, he'd be an alcoholic. If he snorted coke like this, he'd be a drug addict.

I think you should sit him down and tell him what your concerns are. Tell him you don't care that he likes his porn but you are worried that it is becoming a problem.

If he refuses to listen to you, you will have to make a hard choice. Is this a deal breaker for your marriage? If he can't respect you, can you respect yourself enough to know you deserve better? Maybe if you told him that you can't sit around and watch him destroy his and your life, he'd open his eyes. Some people need that kick in the ass. But be prepared to follow through with whatever you decide. If you decide to ignore it, you have to honor your word to ignore it. If you decide to fight him on it every step of the way (ie, disconnect the internet, clear the entire computer of porn every day) you have to fight it every step of the way. If you decide to seperate if he won't compromise with you, you have to leave.

This is not an easy situation. And I don't envy you. But I wish you luck.

Please take time for yourself to realize that you are not the problem. I don't think so much that it isn't that he doesn't want to have sex with you because he finds you repulsive or anything. He just needs his fix and has become addicted to a fantasy. Good luck.

Good points, Bella Dea.

Good points, Bella Dea.

Bella Dea's points are well taken. Barbunny, my only concern in this is the children. You and your husband can always find someone else to meet your needs, but the kids...well that's something else. But I should note that when I was a kid I preferred that my parents divorce rather than live as they did.
Let me ask you a strange question, one that may make me look wierd. Here goes: Is it totally out of the question that you let your husband tie you up? People are made to be weird in SOMETHING. We shouldn't--I think--take a "father knows best" approach to life; that is bound to ruin our life experience.
In therapy the two of you can figure these things out.
Good luck. I think some of us have learned to really care about your situation. It's far more than an academic problem.

Obviously bella has two good points.

Ahem.

You crack me up.