SOS: Big Mo Meltdown

I'm too spent to even start a new thread.

It happened again today. Not at school but out in a very public place, an unfamiliar place where I had a hard time getting control of the situation. Truly, I'm surpised the police weren't called.

It was a bit more than an hours worth of unparalled fury.

I appreciate all of the reassurance I get here but this behavior cannot be "normal". It isn't even normal for Mo.

I'm thinking that its time to call in the professionals. How does one go about vetting a counselor?

Boomer--

Tomorrow is the end of the first half of September. Life is bound to improve.

Meanwhile strart asking informed people questions: Mo's doctor. Your doctor. Mo's teacher. The principal. As soon as the adoption is final, check with Social Services. Surely in the Portland area there is someone affordable who can work with unhappy children.

Mo isn't "normal", but he isn't fatally flawed, either.

Right now, I'm worried about you. Can you sit down all by yourself and howl for a few minutes. You can't cry until Mo's safely in bed, but you raise a howl like a timber wolf facing extinction.

Hold your dominion.

(It's not funny, but I read that as 'hold your extinction'.)

Boomer, you're right it's not normal for Mo. But it might still be normal. I think back about all the times when my kids exhibited behavior that I didn't know how to deal with and every single one of them was due to a major change. Moving, new school, new day care, etc... Mo doesn't do change well as it is, so I imagine that this is all a reaction to school and the pending adoption. He obviously feels most secure with you and saves his absolute worst behavior for you.

Do you talk to him after the meltdowns and ask him what he's thinking when he does that and if he understands the consequences of his behavior?

BTW, I totally agree with your instincts not to go to the classroom while Mo is there. At least, not until this gets resolved.

If you feel this, one idea I have, given Daniel Hughes' expertise with these little folk.....I would go to his website

http://danielahughes.homestead.com/



which has his email address, and email him asking if he knows of good therapists in your area for little folk like Mo.


If there is one who is well trained in his approach, this means that you get support, and Mo is helped to deal with his feelings with you there to help him.


I have just done 4 days training with Dan, and am very impressed (thinking of going to the US to complete training if I ever get the money!)


I also think it is pretty normal FOR MO...but this does NOT mean you have to do it all by yourself.


This is hard yakka, as we say in Oz.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Boomer and Mo))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I echo Noddy's advice-start with Mo's doctor. Good luck, boomer dear. If you need support, we're always here for you.

I really don't have enough knowledge of young children to offer any useful advice here, boomer. I'm just posting to offer my support & encouragement to you. Whatever is troubling Mo, he is so fortunate to have found you & your husband! You will do whatever needs to be done, what ever you can, to assist him. I'm so sorry that you sound so overwhelmed & dispirited. That's completely understandable. My very best wishes to you with this.

Aw, sorry you had another rough one, boomer.

Yeah, Noddy said it really well. I'm also worried about YOU, and again want more real-life, right-there people on the Mo Team -- which of course is the Boomer Team, too. I want you to feel more supported and less alone in this.

Boomer, if it makes you feel any better, I cared for a child who had terrifying tantrums. She was younger than Mo at the time, but I think tantrums can happen within a wide range and surely if any child is allowed to vent, it's a child who has had Mo's background. E, a little girl I cared for, pitched a fit in toys r us because I wouldn't buy her something or because she wanted to stay and play and I wanted to go...... which ever, she wouldn't leave on her own. I picked her up and she started screaming. She tried to get out, she raised her arms up and tried to drop through my embrace. She took hold of two handfuls of my hair and pulled it out. I put her down and let her scream for a while. When she started calming down, I told her to look at her hands. She did and started pulling the hair out from between her fingers. I told her that was my hair and that she had just pulled it out of my head. She hadn't really realized what she was doing in the midst of it all. She was calm when we left. I was also surprised no one tried to stop me from leaving with her.

There is a huge range of normal for young children. Mo has had a crazy life already and while you are his rock, school may just seem like another bit of crazy. I think therapy is a good idea - even kids within a normal range of behavior can use some help sometimes. Without it, he could be building a pattern of behavior right now which could be harder to break out of when he's older. My opinion.....

I wanted to stop in and thank you all for your kind thoughts.

I'm sure everything will be fine but right now I'm having a hard time even thinking about it or even clicking in here. I'm still rattled. And, frankly, a little scared.

Yes, littlek - a bad pattern indeed. An incident like yesterday's with a bigger, stronger Mo would be dangerous.

Thanks for the link, dlowan.

I don't mean to snub anyone because I do appreciate your thinking of us but I just need a few days to clear my head.

No snubbing perceived. Get well soon!

Boomer--

Of course you need room to howl and quiver. We're here when you need us.

Hold your dominion.

Sorry, Boomer. Take all the time you need.

didn't really have anything to say about this till i saw the TFB rip thread

any possible conection between TFB's death and mo's recent problems, delayed reaction, an association of going away and somebody dying, you went on vacation and when you came back the dog was gone, he goes to school and when he returns.........kids get some pretty strange ideas sometimes

wishing you and mo the best, take noddy's advice about your dominion

dj - good call. TFB's death may have triggered some separation anxiety?

Death of a dog is hard for any kid--particularly a 5 year old with baggage starting kindergarten.

Wow, that is a big one. I didn't catch the other thread and didn't know the dog had passed, but that makes a lot of sense that losing a friend and going to kindergarten -- two major changes -- could spark some behavioral changes. It's true for all kids, and especially true for Mo.

I just thought I would report back - it was report card day.

Mo did okay.

Most of his scores were "meeting expectations" with a few "exceeding expectations" (in math, of all things, I think the music class is really helping here) and, a few "developing" (in the "fine motor skills category).

Overall it was pretty darn good.

I'm really proud of him.

Yay!!!!!



Go Moomer!

Good job, Mo! He's a bright boy, he'll be ahead of the class in no time.

You must be very proud.

Congratulations!

How about meltdowns outside of school? Did those get better too?