SOS: Big Mo Meltdown

Ah good, a rough start and a smooth finish.

If they want to move Mo to the other teacher, you might say that transitions are not always easy for Mo and staying put might be a better choice (unless you think the other teacher is a better fit for him).

On the topic of Monday mornings. I think it was 3rd or 4th grade before K stopped trying not to go to school on Mondays. She would say she was sick, and I would say that I knew she didn't feel like going and that if she still felt sick at recess she could go to the nurse. She was almost always fine by recess.

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boomerang wrote:

But you "punish me" thing rings so, so true, MMS. That is totally what it felt like today.

Paul Watzlawick, my favorite popular writer in psychology, mentions in one of his book that this is often the decisive factor in meltdowns like Mo's. He says the meltdowns are often surprisingly easy to stop by having the father, not the mother, bring the kid to kindergarten. Could this be worth a try for you?

boomerang wrote:

Would a school really make a boy wash the windows if he said the lesson was boring?

Of the 50 or so different teachers I had during my 13 years of school, maybe three could behave as Mo described it. They're not common, but they exist. On the other hand, bringing this up with the school will raise another question: Could Mo be the kind of boy who makes up stories like this to make you feel guilty? From your descriptions in the other threads, I wouldn't swear that he isn't, but of course you know him somewhat better than I do.

I'm glad my namesake, Thomas the train, got out of all this okay. That's what matters most.

Hang in there, you're doing a great job!

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Mr. B has to leave for work about an hour before Mo has to leave for school so having him drop Mo off really isn't an option.

Mo is the kind of kid who makes up stories that his eyeballs can stretch to the moon thereby allowing me to have an easy path for extraplanetary travel. So yes, he could make up a story about a window washing boy.

Honestly, Mo would see window washing as a preferable activity to coloring pages in "some dumb book". (This is surely my fault as I have often called coloring books "dumb" and encouraged him to be more free form with his scribbles.)

Live and learn and quite using the word "dumb" I always say.

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I agree about the dumb coloring books. It should be against the law for teachers to use worksheets, especially in kindergarten. But you have to grin a bear it. One day Mo will encounter an enlightened teacher and his life will change forever.

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I'll weigh in to say I like both coloring books and free form scribbling, splashing, exploring. I think aiming colors at work pages is part of learning the hand eye coordination that is useful for printing letters and numbers and writing script..
but then I was taught those things the old fashioned way. Did I read they don't teach penmanship at all any more? That was in a later grade, but hand eye coordination was a matter of progressing attempts over the years.

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I'm sure that's what its all about so I don't grumble.

(Except here.)

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Sounds like today went better?

Re: the window washing boy, I said this before but I don't think I was very clear about it... My take is that it was a made-up-story of the communicative type. That is, there were no window-washing anyones at Mo's school (not him, not any other students), but that Mo was worried about what would happen IF he was bored, and his story was his way of communicating that and asking some questions. Like, is it OK to be bored? Would be be punished if he said he was bored?

That's why I suggested jumping in with something (within the story context) reassuring like how boomer would expect that if he was bored the teacher would find something more interesting for him to do.

Sozlet's old best friend Jack just started kindergarten and is reading at the 3rd grade level (!), his school has created this whole individualized plan for him so he stays challenged.

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ossobuco wrote:

I'll weigh in to say I like both coloring books and free form scribbling, splashing, exploring. I think aiming colors at work pages is part of learning the hand eye coordination that is useful for printing letters and numbers and writing script..
but then I was taught those things the old fashioned way. Did I read they don't teach penmanship at all any more? That was in a later grade, but hand eye coordination was a matter of progressing attempts over the years.

there are plenty more creative and fun ways to teach eye-hand coordination. What worksheets teach is that quantity=quality.

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Judging by Mo's chip shot, his hand eye coordination is very good.

I think it probably has to do with holding a pencil with purpose - something Mo is not very good at.

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I don't really know about worksheets - I went to kindergarden/grade school
a million years ago. We learned our letters and numbers on lined sheets of paper - in itself a kind of drawing within the lines. It strikes me that there needs to be some prelude to learning that kind of control. Some will be better at it than others through natural talent. We also fingerpainted and generally messed around..
I guess my point is I'd like to see fostering of playfulness and creativity AND gradual learning of drawing control.. however those are both worked out.

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So.

I heard back from Mo's teacher today. She suggested that I volunteer in the classroom either regularly or occassionally. She mentions "seeing how Mo interacts with his peers" as one reason.

She also mentions that he has trouble following directions but that he does seem to be "happy and smiling".

So.

Here's my question:

I'm worried that my presence in his classroom might cause more problems than it resolves. He gets kind of fixated on me and jealous of other kids who demand my attention. Plus, I worry that indulging his separation problems might make things worse - not just for Mo but for his teacher too.

What do you all think?

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I think his teacher knows best. Buuuuuuuuttttt, with that being said <heh>, I think you may be right too. Just today I was with a 2nd grader who was a total mess. She wasn't crying, she was wailing/sobbing. She missed her mother. I told her school was almost over, and that while I would like to be able to, that I couldn't help get her mom to come to her. She didn't settle down. It came out that her mother volunteers at the school (info from another child in her class) and she herself told me in a new rush of sobbing that she knew she was here because she saw her car in the parking lot. The mother just happened to work in the library and ended up arriving momentarily anyway. She and her daughter spent the duration of reading-time in the library office. My sister provides more evidence to support your POV, boomer.

BUT THAT ALSO having been said, ever child-parent relationship is different. He would act differently if you were in the room anyway. How could you observe what happened without you there - not the same Mo.

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Yeah. I'd suspect that what she's saying is "Don't worry -- everything is fine in class. Honest -- you can come see yourself if you don't believe me." That she caught a note of anxiety in your email and wanted to be reassuring.

But like littlek, I think you have a point.

Maybe do some sort of highly provisional thing -- do it once, see how it goes.

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Tomorrow is "back to school night" where they have presentations from the teachers about what is expected in class. I'm going. Perhaps it will give me a clue on what to work with Mo on.

I don't know, Idon'tknow, I dunnoIdunnoIdunno.

She did mention that she had read the "yellow pages" that we each filled out about our kid before school started. I didn't go into detail but I did mention that Mo has.... issues.

She said that she was taking what I said into account as she worked with Mo.

Of course, I'm most worried about what would be good for Mo but I'm also concerned about what is best for his class and his teacher. I don't know how else to say this -- Mo can be mean. I don't love him any less because of his meanness (how do you spell that?) but his mean-ness (is it even a word?) can be very disconcerting to the uninitiated.

Even with Mr. B......

Since school has started Mr. B has been eye-opened about Mo's mean-ness (how is that spelled!?)

I'm worried that being in his classroom might give him "permission" to me meaner.

Does that make any kind of sense at all?

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For sure.

I think you can share this with the teacher -- at the level you're comfortable with -- and say that you're most interested in just getting feedback on how things are going and how you can help.

I'm really glad that you and the teacher are in a conversation now, though, that's a really important step right there that will yield a lot of fruit down the line, IMO.

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First, back to school night. Prepare to chit-chat with other parents as well as the teacher. Your child is not the only unfinished adult in that kindergarten class.

Second, find a point when your question can be super casual and ask Mo how he would feel about you visiting/helping/observing.

Third, trust the teacher. If Mo demands your total and complete attention, I'll bet that she finds something for him to do that is momentarily more attractive than you are.

Helping out occasionally will give you a chance to see other kids--that whole classroom of unfinished adults. This will help you balance Child With Issues and Child of Great Charm in your own mind.

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Very good points, Noddy.

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boomerang wrote:

I'm worried that my presence in his classroom might cause more problems than it resolves. He gets kind of fixated on me and jealous of other kids who demand my attention. Plus, I worry that indulging his separation problems might make things worse - not just for Mo but for his teacher too.

What do you all think?

I think this would be a perfect response to the teacher.

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"Back to school" night, in my experience, is an evening to meet the teacher, not an opportunity for one-on-one conversation. We all wanted to talk to the teacher on those evenings, as I recall, particularly in our kids' early years of school. Why don't you make an appointment, at her convenience, to have a brief chat after school one day? Get to know her a little and let her get to know you.

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boomerang wrote:

So.

I'm worried that my presence in his classroom might cause more problems than it resolves. He gets kind of fixated on me and jealous of other kids who demand my attention. Plus, I worry that indulging his separation problems might make things worse - not just for Mo but for his teacher too.

What do you all think?

My older son had separation anxiety when he started first grade. I didn't put myself into the classroom situation for that very reason. I think it would have made matters worse. Part of the point of GOING to school is to learn to be independent. It takes time to learn things. It sounds like Mo's doing pretty well. I'd give it some more time. Think about volunteering later in the year. There's plenty of time.

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SOS: Big Mo Meltdown

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