Really nice to hear such a positive post from you, carol. I see so much potential for things to just get better and better from here.
For you as a woman, and in your marriage.
I actually relate a lot to what you are saying. And you know what? Sometimes we just gotta cut ourselves some slack.
Life can get a bit crazy, and before we know it we are run down and not acting 100% like our strong selves.
But, we can change it and turn things around. We just get stronger for going through it all.
I think a major turning point for me was the day I realized I was indeed depressed, and went out and did something about it. Not bc it was inconvienent to others. Not bc it was affecting my relationships. But bc I got "Only I can do a damn thing to change it". And it's true
It isn't a personal weakness. It can be such an opportunity to learn about yourself.
Relationship or no: it has been a huge lesson in giving myself permission to do things nice for myself for no other reason than it is good for me and I would like to!
That was huge bc, really, when it came down to it, I carried a lot of guilt about having needs. I was feeling like I didn't deserve to have them, didn't deserve to have them met.
I really do think that as you practice just taking care of yourself first, the dependency stuff and jealousy and anger! oh yes anger! (my anger was often a silent protest) works itself out.
The need is taken care of: so it doesn't manifest in negative ways, ya.
I'm excited for you, carol!
Have patience, take your vits, be nice to yourself....and I'm glad you're starting to feel better.
I also really appreciate your honesty - it's helped me a lot reading about your situation.[/quote
[color=darkblue]I'm so happy to hear that relating my own experiences has helped someone else. Sometimes we need these downward spirals in our lives to assess where we're actually going and who we really are. In my case it has made me realise that I haven't developed very far from my insecurities as a child who feared she would be abandoned after my father left us. In many ways my husband has been a surrogate father to me and perhaps unfairly I expected him to fill that void in my life.
However, I do realise that I am the type of person who will always need a spouse who is constant and true and I do think my husband is beginning to realise that. No doubt, he's also dealing with insecurities from his past and that's why he reacted so warmly towards those women who made him feel important and needed. This probably underlines how complex relationships can be.
My own family background always made me very aware of how important it is to give your children a secure upbringing so that they can feel safe and whole within themselves, something I've been working for all my life.[/color]
joyed his company.
