Bolt out of the Blue

but eventually

What a horrible woman!

I'm no good at these sorts of situations. People who know me know that I need my space. Acquaintances must be schooled. I'm terrible at it.

I've sometimes said the only way to take advantage of me is to catch me off guard. Watch out then, because I'll probably never trust you again, as that's dirty pool in my book.

Had a weird opposite type thing happen to me a few years back. A long lost college roommate/friend (we were close, I stood up for her at her wedding) and me somehow got back together via phone calls. It was fun, and I had mentioned if she was ever visiting, she had a place to stay.

Well, I mentioned on our 2nd phone call that we were leaving the following week on a long driving vacation. We were going to rent a big car and drive from Texas to Illinois, then over to Virginia, down to Fla, then back home. My husband had family in all these places and everyone was happy about getting together.

Well, when I mentioned the drive from Illnois to Virginia, this friend said "Oh great! You'll have to come through Pennsylvania on highway whatever...you can stop at exit this and such and we can meet for lunch!

uh.....no, we're not going to be driving through Pennsylvania.

she - well yes you are, you have to go through Penn to get from one to another.

me - I.....I...don't think so, I'm really sure we're not going through that state (now I'm starting to doubt myself, maybe the highway we were going to drive on, although it didn't sound like the same one she mentioned, DID go through Penn) we're going to be driving pretty far south of where you live, on a different highway, and anyway, I don't think...

she - Oh! well you COULD take highway whatever! We can arrange a time to meet!

me - well, I don't think that....

she - Oh I don't mind!!!

anyway, we got to Illinois and checking my email, had one from here asking us what date and what time we'd be there.

(sigh)

I responded, letting her know it just wasn't going to happen. Expaining that (a) We weren't planning on taking that road, and it would put us 100 or more miles out of the way. (b) it would really be impossible to name a time, since we would be driving, and where she lived wasn't at any natural stopping point (c) Honestly, this trip was really about my husband getting to see brothers and sisters he hadn't seen in quite a while, wrapping up with (d) It would really be better if she could make a real visit, where we wouldn't be searching for a particular exit and trying to get there at a certain time, just for a quick lunch.

That was the last I ever heard from her.

oh well.

I truly feel for ya Jes, as this just happened to me last year with a couple that I was working with at the shop and I was pretty pissed too.
I told them that since my mother and I lived together, it wouldn't be right to have friends over.

I would never dream of inviting myself to someones home and I don't know how anyone else can.

It's also common where we live for people to drop in without calling as well and that sends me through the roof.
I don't know what makes some people think that we are just sitting around the house waiting for them to drop by.
Sometimes I stay in my night cloths all day and when I see a car pull up, I have to run and change my cloths and that just burns my ass.

I work all week and also have lots to do on the weekends, so I don't have time to entertain, nor do I have the desire. I'm like you and JP and like my weekend chill time.

((((((((Jes))))))))

Chai, something really similar happened to me. I had a good friend who lived in Madison, then we fell out of touch when I moved from Madison to L.A. What was weird about it was that it was far more often that I'd be the last one to write to her, but then when she'd eventually write back it'd be all about how desperately she missed me and remember that time that we...?, etc.

Eventually it took so long for her to respond that I assumed her email wasn't working any more, and I tracked down her parents and contacted them, and they were thrilled to hear from me and said she missed me so much and gave me her current info. So then I contacted her again and she was thrilled.

Then I had a business trip to Chicago, and planned to drive up to Madison to say howdy to old friends -- I was still in the thick of mightily missing Madison at that point. I told her about it, more thrilled-ness from her, oh it will be so great to see you, etc. Then it turned out that she'd be going on a long-planned trip with her boyfriend that weekend. Ah well, some other time then. No no no she was bound and determined to make this work. Emails flew back and forth with plans for this and that -- as it got more and more elaborate, I got less and less enthusiastic. We both had pretty specific schedules -- she was going to an event (the Kentucky Derby, I think) and I had a narrow-ish window between when my conference was over and when I was meeting someone else in Madison. We eventually settled on meeting somewhere "halfway" between Madison and Chicago, as she was on her way south and I was on my way north. It was a less direct route for me (north then west as opposed to northwest) but possible. Fine. Tons of "can't wait to see you!!"s from her, etc.

So the conference ran way late and I had some sort of a brouhaha with my rental car and I realized there was no way this was going to work. Felt terrible. At that point she'd left home but hadn't reached the meeting point yet. Called the restaurant where we were supposed to meet via relay (at that time, only possible to do from tty's, went to a great deal of trouble to find one) to leave a message for her with my sincere apologies. (We're both deaf and that was pre-pager era, so no way to contact her directly while en route). Took the northwest (faster) route so as to try to make my other appt. Sent her several emails once I got to the hotel. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Ever.

What was so mystefying about it is that if she didn't want to see me, she had 10,000 opportunities not to. If she DID want to see me, why didn't she contact me?

I decided that there had been plenty of going out of my way to accommodate her throughout this whole thing and if she wanted to contact me, fine, and if she didn't, fine. Enough flakiness.

Still don't quite get it though. I've learned through the grapevine that she is alive and well, so it's not like she had a fatal car accident on the way to the Derby or something. <shrug>

As a matter of fact, something like this happened to me just a few weeks ago but I felt like the ignoramus, not the other way around.

A cousin called one evening and said that she would be in town the next day. Naturally, I assumed that she wanted to get together, why else would she call, and I assured her that I could arrange my schedule. She kept saying no, she didn't want me to do that but I honestly thought she was being modest or something because, again, why else did she call?

Anyway, she was supposed to get back to me the next day but never did and it eventually dawned on me that she must have felt that coming here and not calling would have been rude so, she called, being considerate I suppose, but had no intentions on getting together.

I guess...

Does it make sense to you?

...no.

Some people...

Thanks. I thought it was just me...

Should auld acquaintance be forgot?

Sometimes.

I live in a desirable tourist town and have lots of friends in Europe -
an ideal place for them to come and visit. Over the years I have smartened up though, and when they call to announce their arrival,
I immediately tell them: "Oh how nice, I'll check the availability of
my favorite hotel for you, and let you know".

If they're coming back with the "well, we thought we could stay with you..." phrase, I firmly say: "I wish I could host you, but we don't have enough room for you. You'd love the hotel though."

If I have to be more blunt, I will be. Unfortunately, I arrived at this
the hard way. My lesson with distant houseguests was painful and lasted
through several visits and incidents, but I did learn ultimately.

no, it's not you....that's strange.

maybe she thought she'd run into you, and then have to explain herself?




just remember something from WAY back....

When I was married to my first husband, and living in Wisconsin, it happened that I was going to have to be in NJ on my birthday. Both my parents were still alive. However, I really was going to be busy every minute with work functions day and night for the 2 days there. There would be no time to visit them, it was going to be a real in and out deal.

Well, if I was married to the man I am today, I just would have said to him "Look, when my mother calls to wish me a happy birthday, just tell her I'm not home, or in some other state for work (like california) to avoid any hard feelings."

But.....this ex of mine had this BIG thing about being truthful, even if it really wasn't the best thing to do at that exact moment. I knew when my mother called, he'd tell her I was in NJ and it would just turn into a mess.

So, I girded my loins and called her. I told her I was going to be in NJ, but not at all close by, and sorry but I wouldn't be able to see her because there just wouldn't be time. I actually thought of telling her I was going to be away on business in California, but I just knew somehow it would get back to her because of my crazy ex-husband...my luck was running bad in those days.

Oh Jesus Christ....she's asking me when I get a lunch break, and they'll come up and eat lunch with me....

me: mom...no, I'm going to be with about 60 other people, and I don't know exactly when we break for lunch, and anyway, it's business so it'd be hard to get away from this big group.

she: well, can't you ask someone when do you take lunch?

me: mom, it's not going to be worth it for you and dad to drive 2 hours to eat lunch with me, when I'm really sure I won't be able to get away. (she won't drive that far alone)

she: Well.....if you're Ashamed of us.....

AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Funny thing is....she didn't like me any more than I liked her.

Montana, Montana, Montana....girl, you need to learn! Anybody who drops in unannounced deserves to see you in your night clothes! Why change? It's your house, for heaven's sake!

Lots of people have dropped by and caught me in my nightgown. (They usually leave very quickly, btw.)

I made the call at about 5:10 or so. Got her husband (she wasn't home from work yet).

I said, "RP and I talked about this and we decided we can't host you. If you'd like to meet for dinner when you're in town, we'll try." And that's how I left it. {shrug} I think it's settled. I'll report back if it isn't.

Good goin'.

I think you deserve an adult beverage and a massage.

And I think I can recommend someone to assist you with both of those things.

smiles..

We went out for Mexican and that included Sangria. This made the ensuing food shopping verra interesting. Thanks for your support.

Excellent, jes. You could have added that as an option on your poll:

Call her and leave a message when she's unlikely to be at home!

Nice!

Well done!

You know that could be my new business venture... Bi-Polar Bears Hostile Hostel.... send your unwelcome guests to me... I'll treat them the way you'd like to but can't bring yourself to......