Bolt out of the Blue

I'd call; though email is attractive, you did say she doesn't look at it much in the summer.

I'd be (heh, easy enough to say) forthright that you don't have people stay at your house. That's you, you don't need to defend that opinion or explain it.

If you feel like having dinner or meeting for coffee, say that might be possible, that you would have to confirm it. But it seems clear to me that you are really turned off to this woman now, for good reason, and don't want to meet even for coffee.

So, assuming you don't want to meet even for coffee, then you say you are very busy and can't find the time to meet.

If you never want to see her again, and realize you don't want to meet for coffee four years from now either, then consider saying the obvious, the truth. You have a lot going on in your life and are not interested in or able to keep up with old acquaintances (hah, at least this one.)


I've met twice recently with old friends from childhood, once in Chicago and once in Albuquerque. It never crossed my mind to ask to stay with the family in Chicago, and if they'd asked I would have said no. I really like my personal space...*
They met me at the train, took me around the old neighborhood, took me back to their house for more talk and a glass of wine, waved me good by when the taxi arrived - it was a 'just right' three or four hours spent for both parties..

Then when the same family was in Albuquerque for a wedding, they invited me to dinner at a younger sister's house here. That was another 'just right' three hours.

(*I know I stayed with Dys and Diane for several weeks when I moved here, but I know them fairly well and more immediately than friends from years ago). Besides, our dogs are in love.

yep

Do you suppose that Dear Old Friend bullied her husband into turning a Take The Kid to College milestone to "Let's have a mini vacation and it won't cost a thing, even if you don't know these people." ?

Remember, he wanted her off the telephone.

That makes sense, Noddy.

And I'd edit my post to say you are very busy and can't find the time to meet. Or what eoe said "that won't work for us".

Then you wouldn't even get into the thing about people staying at your house.

About two hours after this ...





a colleague came to me with a bit of a problem.

She and a couple of other folks have recently been transferred to a new work group - in part because of difficulties with their previous supervisor. Things are going very very well in their new group.

The old supervisor just invited (through their supervisor) them to join her new group to a potluck. They don't want to have any part of it. The new supervisor has now emailed back 4 times with excuses about why this date or that date doesn't work. Old supervisor has a different option each time.

The group's been talking about it. They should have just said no to start off with - now, with the excuses it seems that they want to go and Old Supervisor's earning a halo trying to be accommodating. grrrrrrrrrrrr

Say no.

Just no.

No excuses.

Or you'll end up sharing a bed with her

tell them to come on over.... and invite me over to spend the weekend as well and give me free rein to be myself.

They'll never call you again and you will get a lot of laughs. Maybe you can run me up to Chelmsford to visit the family plot.

That idea has merit..

I guess I usually get out of predicaments like this efficiently, as ehbeth says, with a "no" - not that I am so smart but that I hate hate hate to be trapped more than I hate to be straightforward.

perhaps you've heard this story :

A wanted to have dinner with B - but B wasn't interested .
A : "how about next week ?"
B : "won't work because ... "
A : "how about next month ?"
B : "won't work because ... "
A : "how about next year , august 30th ? "
B : "oh , i'm so sorry , i'll be attending a funeral that day "
hbg

anyway , since you suggested dinner , i think you've given her an opening , and she'll try to enlarge the opening .
there should be nothing wrong with a "big white lie" , such as :
"i'm sorry , that's not possible ; i'm sure you understand . it was nice to hear from you , bye ! " . (i'm assuming that you really don't care if she never calls again ???).
GOOD LUCK ! (you'll need it)
how do you handle telephone sales calls ?
i usually don't listen for the talk for more than a few seconds to make sure it's not some friend phoning and it's a loud : "thank you , good-bye !". i'm never rude , but don't want to waste the callers or my time .

I just figure, after getting trapped a few times in that game, there's a lesson to be learned.
Just say no. And let the chips fall.

I remember that cartoon, have always liked it!

:-) It's a catch phrase around here -- E.G. was not a New Yorker reader before he met me, that was around the time he became a convert.

Strongly agree with ehBeth and eoe, with a smidge of hamburger.

Call, no excuses.

I'm sure you'll be pleasant, and I'm sure it will be difficult--but after several unflinching, "No, I'm sorry" 's, and, if she tries to pin you down about a why, a final "I won't bore you with the details, X, but I'm sure you realize that I'd tell you if it would be convenient" should cork her.

Wish her a lovely trip and offer to help with reservations (IF you feel like making a couple of calls or getting numbers,... if not, "I don't want to let the casserole dry, I'll have to go!! Nice hearing from you....")

You can do it!!!!

I have decided to call her. And it'll be at 5:30 PM or so, prime time for her to be cooking dinner and we'll be just about ready to go out and so the call can be short. The phrase I will use is, "RP and I talked it over and we agreed that we can't host you."

And then see what else is said, if anything. I have reserve reasons, etc. I can toss out if necessary, but I won't start with them if I don't have to.

PS I've really, honestly, not dealt with this before. There was the woman from class who was giving out "Please give me a ride" vibes but she never asked to stay here. Plus there's the no contact for nearly a decade thing. Argh, too annoying -- but I doubt that it'll come up again for a long time, if ever, so if I give some sort of a vague future opening I don't see it coming back to bite me any time soon.

I'm sorry, and a little hurt that my suggestion didn't even rate your consideration. It would have been most amusing and effective and would have given you a great A2K anecdote.

This situation reminds me of the time an ex employee from my job came to the neighborhood to stay with her sister. She saw the name on the side of my truck and tracked me down. As I walked out one morning, she stood at the gate and invited herself to rides by me and the wife to the store, etc. As soon as she began this silliness, my wife went back in the house and closed the door. I told her we couldn't start that and that proved to be the first and last time she bothered us.

It's really too bad you and Jespah don't live in the same town, Bear. She could have just sent them to stay at your house.

Jes

Didja call yet?

<interested!>

Re: Bolt out of the Blue