I hate myself and want to die

Ossobucco is right. Finding a good counseler or therapist has helped me a great deal and I feel that you would benefit as well. Try it but don't give up if you don't like the counselor, you can always find someone else who suits you well.

For the most part I agree, daniellejean needs more expertize!...but in my experience, most of the people I considered friends abandoned me emotionally and physically. When I went through my depression triggered by my surprise divorce I really could have used some emotional support. When you go through something tramatic you really discover who your true friends are rather than fair-weathered friends. It is possible to alienate some of those around you though, I'm sure I did my share of that.

Anyway daniellejean, I look forward to hearing that you made the call and took steps towards your recovery. You can do this!

I'm sorry I said that quite that way..

Oh, I know, I believe what you were saying is that Daniellejean shouldn't overlook seeking the help of a professional just because she is getting moral support.
1st and formost, seek out a good counselor, and if you have a good support system as well, your recovery will go even better.I only say what I have in previous posts because I've been there. I never in my life thought I was capable of sinking so for down into a depression like that. But I got help and rose above it. I have made some stupid mistakes lately but for the most part I've come out a stronger person and am working on being a better person.

It is important for us to realize that when we become very depressed and suicidal, our friends will often wish that we either get well or kill ourselves. I hate to say it, but when a close relative killed herself--after years of depression, alcoholism, and neurosis--many of her relatives and long-time friends were relieved. They always wished her well, but did not want to suffer from her illness. What I am saying is that suicide is a stupid, that is to say, ineffective way to win the sympathy of others (or to get even for that matter). We must take care of ourselves, with the help of professionals when necessary. But we must give up attempts to control others with threats of self-destruction.
Sorry for being so harsh about it. It IS a harsh reality.
Best of luck and courage.

god why do some people joke on threads like this. Dannielle, tell your therapist. seriously.
thats all my advice really because i skipped all the pages.
good luck xxx

plus- do you believe in god. Where you raised in a strict religion? Could this be the reason why subconciously you feel like a slut for very normal activities?

We sometimes joke because the alternative is just too unnerving or downright horrifying.

I don't begrudge the humor as it has jolted me out of an emotional tailspin many a time.

Aside from what's already been offered here, I can't think of much else to say except to echo that these situations are ephemeral and transitory. Things do get better. As noddy would say, hold your dominion.

Sometimes, that's the only way to get your chemicals back in line. It's not personality altering. It's personality saving. Depression is a personality alterer. Therapy is a good option often in conjunction with drugs.

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I didnt say that about stealing the poem because I thought it was fantastic and would make me money. I only said that because I value the integrity of original work and I trust that people here do too, even if it is just a venting of emotion.

I will call my therapist tomorrow. I have to work on moving out and getting ready for school too.

I had a very theraputic week. I spent most of it trying to motivate my best friend, which helped me to put my own life into perspective a lot. Still not very motivated. My aunt is very angry at me because I have basically been helping with no housework because I have been so lazy and self-pitying.. So I have to get things back on track. One step at a time - therapy first. I hate that word. I wish I could do this on my own.

Daniellejean, it's good to hear you regret having to use a therapist to become "healed." The reason I appreciate your regret is that you will, in fact, heal yourself, with the SECONDARY help of the therapist. People who go to therapy to be passively healed by an "expert" take the wrong perspective. Pity the therapist who has to work with people who take a passive position. Our growth is always an agonizing process.

Well said, JLN.

Daniellejean,

How are things progressing with you???

umm...things are progressing okay. Took a step and called my therapist. Been drinking a lot. And binge drinking when I do. Smoking too. Made out with a coworker who left me locked outside of my building at 3AM when we both were too drunk to remember too much the next day. Haven't had a cigarette or drink since that incident - but that was only a week ago. Miss my ex. Hate myself. Don't want to die, though. Gotta see a therapist, but I dont have any money and my insurance company is giving me problems. But I listen to country music a lot and that makes me feel better.

School is going well.

It's good to see that you're doing ok, daniellejean. And how is the weather?

Jesus H Christ. Country music makes you feel better?

You feel a hell of a lot worse than I first suspected.

Gustav-- Good try, but you are still the Satan of this thread.

Muahahahahahaha!!!




PS DJ. Ixnay on the o-worker cay. Great about school. Do you think you could let the air out of his tires without getting caught? That was a bastardly thing to do to you.