Are people really victim when it comes to beign raped?

The evidence of his/her posts is that this member is (or was as of last December) a student in High School.

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Setanta wrote:

How odd . . . personally, i assumed the author was male . . .

I did too.

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I linked to her profile on myspace.com and it appears she is a young female.

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Heeven wrote:

I linked to her profile on myspace.com and it appears she is a young female.

This makes me wonder about her question and the reasoning behind it. Sad

I am now extremely ashamed at my original post.

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Why would you apologise for your answer? Isn't debate and discussion and sharing of ideas, opinions, views etc., a good thing?

Or do you mean indicating the question may be stupid? which you didn't really mean, that's just your style, you are passionate when expressing your feelings and opinions. If she didn't understand that back at the beginning, I would think she does now and not take particular offense to it.

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there's no telling what caused Vega to post this. She might be a victim herself and is trying to deal with her her feelings...so don't beat yourself up too much bella...on the other hand, let's all try and be more cautious with first time posters...sometimes they are crying for help

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Heeven wrote:

Why would you apologise for your answer? Isn't debate and discussion and sharing of ideas, opinions, views etc., a good thing?

Or do you mean indicating the question may be stupid? which you didn't really mean, that's just your style, you are passionate when expressing your feelings and opinions. If she didn't understand that back at the beginning, I would think she does now and not take particular offense to it.

that's so true about bella :wink:

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Heeven wrote:

Why would you apologise for your answer? Isn't debate and discussion and sharing of ideas, opinions, views etc., a good thing?

Or do you mean indicating the question may be stupid? which you didn't really mean, that's just your style, you are passionate when expressing your feelings and opinions. If she didn't understand that back at the beginning, I would think she does now and not take particular offense to it.

Yeah, for saying it was stupid and didn't deserve an answer.
Which, I gave her anyway. :wink:

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"She was asking for it" rape is only one manifestation of the "She Was Asking For It" mentality.

"She made me so mad, so I just popped her a good one."

"That bitch was just asking to be slapped around."

"So I went out with the guys. You're no fun at home."

All these Big Strong Persecuted Types pushed around by the women in their lives and forced to be brutal.

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I saw a clip the other day that was posted as 'humor'
Made me think of this thread that I have been avoiding like the plague..

It was a clip of a man in Asia, running up to women, ejaculating on them while his friend hid out to video tape it, then run off.

I think the mentality of that man was below the act of rape entirely.
Why?
Because he found humor in sexual violation.
Because he obviously thinks so little of a woman, that it is funny, and probally 'macho' to -make her take it-. Even if she doesn't realize what it is that she is so called -taking-.

noddy's post brings up a good point.

Only the weakest of men rape.
And only they try to justify.

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snood wrote:

thanks, Heeven.

Yeah, Heeven, thank you. Its frustrating to be making that point and kept being told you're saying "she asked for it". Not at all, obviously.

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Heeven wrote:

Thank you Heeven for sharing your experience. I was beginning to think I was crazy for thinking the woman needs to be accountable for her actions.

I wasn't going to post anymore on this thread, but you gave me the courage.

I think it's grossly unfair for a person to say, "If you haven't been raped, you just don't know"

As if someone who is unfortunate enough to not have been raped has an insight that can just be tossed aside.

You know, some people may not have been raped, but their sisters, mothers or best friends may have been. People who have not been raped have sat up at night holding the hand of someone who has.

I honestly do think, that for some people, when the word rape is said, the do go into some kind of auto mode that precludes any kind of discussion.

As I've said before, if a woman is doing her damnedest to arouse a man, using every dirty trick in the book, and the instant before penetration she says no.....well.....yes, he should stop, no means no.....

but, as Heeven says, if sex does happen, the female needs to seriously reconsider her part in it.

It should go unsaid, but apparantly it can't be left unsaid, that all the other catagories of rape do not apply to the above situation.

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<brooding>

It is scary how often it happens - rape, or something close to it. You hear a story here, and there, and I remember how one day I realised just how many of my friends had told me, at some point in time, about something that happened to them (<thinks> - eight, from the top of my head). I realised that of the women I'd known well enough to know something like that, most of them had experienced rape or close.

Shocked

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1 in 5 women have been raped.

not all of them have reported it

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Chai Tea wrote:

I think it's grossly unfair for a person to say, "If you haven't been raped, you just don't know"

I think it's grossly unfair for someone who hasn't been raped to think they have any clue what it's like to be raped. You cannot possibly understand nor would a rape survivor want you to understand because no one should have to deal with the shame and emotional trauma that accompanies a rape.

Sure, you might know what it's like to know someone who has been raped. You might sympathize with them, watch them cry, see them get angry and listen to them.

But you don't have to replay everything over in your head night after night. Nor do you have to look at your face in the mirror and wonder why me. You don't have to wonder when it will be ok for you to trust a man again or if you ever will trust a man again.

Pardon me for saying that knowing something and living something are two very different things.

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Chai Tea wrote:

I think it's grossly unfair for a person to say, "If you haven't been raped, you just don't know"

I have been formerly guilty of having this thought cross my mind when discussing a rape with a client and her partner. It isn't until real sharing and opening ones mind to other peoples genuineness makes you realize you don't have to be the victim to participate in the hurt and a good partner to assist in the healing.

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but only the victim owns the hurt.

and I think that is the point that has been missing.

Anyone can sit by me ( not aimed at anyone! ) and say " i can understand how you feel"

Anyone can listen to me cry, anyone can watch my rollercoaster of emotions to the point where they go home feeling the same sickness and despair I do...

but only a victim feels the physical aspect of rape.
Only the victim feels that dirty hollowness in their own sexuality that doesn't belong to them
Only the victim tries to wash their bodies of a physical assault.

Im sorry.
I see the point trying to be made, but I dont agree with it 100%...

just sayin..

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Heeven wrote:

Chai Tea wrote:
I think it's grossly unfair for a person to say, "If you haven't been raped, you just don't know"

I have been formerly guilty of having this thought cross my mind when discussing a rape with a client and her partner. It isn't until real sharing and opening ones mind to other peoples genuineness makes you realize you don't have to be the victim to participate in the hurt and a good partner to assist in the healing.

I guess that just strengthens my thought that no two experiences, no matter how similar, will ever be exactly the same or perceived in the same way.

I can't imagine what someone who's been the survivor of attemped murder would feel like lying in the hospital bed. Why would I? How could I possibly even come close to understanding? I've never been almost murdered.