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Are people really victim when it comes to beign raped?

 
 
Vega
 
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:08 am
I have been wondering... Rape victim i know go through alot and this isn't sayign anythign about them and their Suffering. Anyways is rape something you ask for. Are there ceratain things People do that maybe puts them at more risk.. but then who's fault is it. I mean i understand u have a choice but can u really stop at nytime time u desire and not expect to get a bad reaction. Let me know what u think...
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 9,454 • Replies: 203
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:12 am
<sputter>

I think there might be a bad reaction if things have been going on for a while and someone says "stop," yes -- as in complaining, frustration, etc. Rape, however, is never justified.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:15 am
Rape is not a sexual act, it is a violent assault. It's purpose is to acheive sexual gratification through the violence of the act, through the imposition of one's will upon another. Elderly women in their 70s and 80s get raped. Little girls who haven't reached puberty get raped. Rape has nothing to do with the alleged relative sexual attractiveness of the victim. Any attempt to claim that anything a rape victim did to "cause" the rape is a disgusting display of blaming the victim--it is a pathetic attempt to excuse a violent assault.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:17 am
The stupidity of this thread doesn't even deserve an answer.

But considering the fact that maybe you really are that stupid, I am going to give it a go.

Absolutely, positively, in no way, ever does someone ask to be raped.

Wearing a short skirt does not say "rape me". Kissing a guy and then refusing sex does not mean "rape me". Starting to have sex and then deciding you don't really want to do this and asking to stop does not mean "rape me". How anyone could ever think that someone wants to be or asks to be raped is beyond me.

What would you say if your sister or mother or best friend came to you and told you she'd been raped? Would you say "Well, what did you do to make him do it?" I sure hope not. Because nothing any one could ever do gives someone else permission to use their body.

Can I ask why you'd ever even think to ask if people ask to be raped?

A bad reaction? Rape is a pretty bad reaction. Getting pissed off and never calling the person again because they stopped you from having sex is a bad reaction but it sure seems like the better answer here.

I could say that you are asking right now to have the snot kicked out of you for even thinking that a rape survivor had ANYTHING to do with her/his rape. Is that fair?
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Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:22 am
bookmarkign...
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Wolf ODonnell
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:41 am
No real rape victim has ever asked for it. There have been those, however, who have it consensually and then call rape or those who never get it and then call rape, but they're spiteful bitches.

The majority are women who never asked for it.

Certainly, the case of that woman who got raped whilst pushing her toddler through the streets wasn't asking for it. That poor toddler. Having to sit there whilst her mother was being raped right in front of it.
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Gala
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 10:44 am
Setanta wrote:
Any attempt to claim that anything a rape victim did to "cause" the rape is a disgusting display of blaming the victim--it is a pathetic attempt to excuse a violent assault.


But, the woman often gets blamed nonetheless.
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Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 11:10 am
Re: Are people really victim when it comes to beign raped?
Vega wrote:
I have been wondering... Rape victim i know go through alot and this isn't sayign anythign about them and their Suffering. Anyways is rape something you ask for. Are there ceratain things People do that maybe puts them at more risk.. but then who's fault is it. I mean i understand u have a choice but can u really stop at nytime time u desire and not expect to get a bad reaction. Let me know what u think...


I think you are imagining a scenario where the girl is scantily clad, has been flirting all night, she has kissed and gotten involved in heavy petting with a guy and when he is finally about to have sex with her, she gets scared and stops him with a "no". The guy gets angry stating he cannot stop just like that. Why did she tease him and lead him on and then shut him down cold? Right? Isn't this what you are referring to?

The fault here is both of them. The guy for putting pressure on her to have sex. The girl for not being honest and up-front before-hand that she is not ready for sex. However, in relationships, we rarely are completely honest are we? There are games played or people are just trying to please the other person and doing things they are not 100% comfortable or happy with. In the case of sexual intimacy, BOTH parties should want it. It is not acceptable, in any scenario, for one person to force it on another or push them into it and it is not acceptable for either of them to get all hot and bothered about it when it doesn't happen and to blame or guilt the other into doing it. If a guy can't control his dick then he is not a guy who is worthy of a decent relationship. If a girl is not comfortable having sex and is afraid to 'look uncool' to a guy she fancies, she needs to be clear with him. Unfortunately this is fantasy not reality and people will continue to confuse each other. At the end of the day, if one person says no and the other continues despite this, then it is rape. You could be dressed as Beano the Clown with your crotch hanging out and it is still a no-go.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:07 pm
Heeven, in your example....where is it saying the boy is putting pressure on the girl to have sex?

Now don't all jump down my throat......


He he should stop...he's gonna have a real bad taste in his mouth about c*ck teases, but that a learning experience.

However, what if the boy was not pressuring the girl, just following her lead?
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:08 pm
Regardless of whether she was dancing on his face naked or just lightly flirting, there is NO excuse EVER to think that it's ok to rape someone.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:14 pm
Bella Dea wrote:
Regardless of whether she was dancing on his face naked or just lightly flirting, there is NO excuse EVER to think that it's ok to rape someone.


yes, yes, you are right...I'm not saying this as an excuse....

but WHY would someone dance naked in front of a man's face and not expect that the guy is interpreting this as a signal they want sex?

I'm more asking the question why someone would be so basically cruel.

Would it be wrong for her to get raped? - yes

Would some of it be her fault? - yes
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:16 pm
Because some girls like the way guys treat them when they think they are getting laid.

Drinks
Attention
Compliments

They found it works one time and that's what they use to get the attention they want.


Then we age and find out that men are thinking of getting laid even if we are sitting there in rollers and sweat pants, complaining about laundry.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:17 pm
I disagree with you when you say its her fault at all.

Do people who own expensive jewelry ask to be robbed? Is it partially their fault for wearing that diamond necklace?
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:37 pm
Bella Dea wrote:
I disagree with you when you say its her fault at all.

Do people who own expensive jewelry ask to be robbed? Is it partially their fault for wearing that diamond necklace?



yes, if they're wearing it in a part of town where a robbery is apt to happen.....I wouldn't ask a crack head to fasten my emerald bracelet that fell off.
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Heeven
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:54 pm
Chai Tea wrote:
Heeven, in your example....where is it saying the boy is putting pressure on the girl to have sex?


When he gets angry after she says no. That's pressure there. A young girl is impressionable (and some women too) and the need to be cool or to be popular is important. A guy getting all upset with a girl can add up among these other already present emotions and may feel like pressure.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 12:57 pm
Chai Tea wrote:
.I wouldn't ask a crack head to fasten my emerald bracelet that fell off.


You wouldn't?
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kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 01:20 pm
Chai Tea wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
Regardless of whether she was dancing on his face naked or just lightly flirting, there is NO excuse EVER to think that it's ok to rape someone.


yes, yes, you are right...I'm not saying this as an excuse....

but WHY would someone dance naked in front of a man's face and not expect that the guy is interpreting this as a signal they want sex?

I'm more asking the question why someone would be so basically cruel.

Would it be wrong for her to get raped? - yes

Would some of it be her fault? - yes


You are correct. Some of it would be her fault. I've had this argument before though, and when the word "rape" comes into play, people become unthinking retards, and they can't see any gray area. It's so stupid.
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Chai
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 01:23 pm
Heeven wrote:
Chai Tea wrote:
Heeven, in your example....where is it saying the boy is putting pressure on the girl to have sex?


When he gets angry after she says no. That's pressure there. A young girl is impressionable (and some women too) and the need to be cool or to be popular is important. A guy getting all upset with a girl can add up among these other already present emotions and may feel like pressure.


ok, I see it now.

and again, I'm prefacing this with the woman shouldn't get raped....let's take that as a given hence forth.....

but....can you blame the man for becoming at least a bit angry?

Not putting on the man, if a woman is fooling around with a guy, and all systems seem to be go....and the moment has arrived.....and he suddenly says "I've changed my mind" but is still laying there with an erection (or not) wouldn't the woman feel some instantaneous emotions, one of which could be called anger? I know I would.

I can easily visualize a situation where that happens, and the woman thinks "he must be joking" and continues to try to have sex. She might try to give him oral sex, because she's really in the mood, and he just suddenly "BOOM" says no.

If he said no again, if it were me, I'd realize he was serious, but honestly, I'd be pissed.

Would I rape him? No
Would I try to talk him or otherwise presuade him to have sex with me....well....that depends.....I might think he's an a$$hole, or I might be in such a worked up state I'd try my best to change his mind.

I just feel a woman has the responsibility not to let things get that far in the first place....

I always hear the scenerio that "she just suddenly changed her mind" When I could ask Why? The response would be, "it doesn't matter why she changed her mind, she just did."

Well, I think it does matter why she changed her mind.

If she went into knowing she'd bring things to the point of no return, and knew she'd change her mind at the very last second....well, that's just f*cked up....she doesn't desire to be raped, but she sure doesn't deserve much respect at that moment.

If there's a valid reason, like she suddenly realized the guy stinks, or she forgot her birth control....she needs to say something....perhaps the situation can be remedied.

If she has no idea why, just suddenly becomes repulsed, or disinterested, she should at least have the guts to tell the guy that too, or at least think up a plausable lie that won't get the guy all pissed off.

If a guy suddenly didn't want to have sex with me, I'd sure as hell think I'd deserve more of an explanation than "I changed my mind"

We're not talking getting attacked out of the blue.

If you've spent an entire evening with someone, and you do that, you do have a responsibility to explain. Christ, woman talk enough about stuff, why stop right then?

That's where I'm saying she is partially to blame. You got into the situation voluntarily, you got some 'splainin to do to get out. It's only the right thing.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 01:34 pm
kickycan wrote:
Chai Tea wrote:
Bella Dea wrote:
Regardless of whether she was dancing on his face naked or just lightly flirting, there is NO excuse EVER to think that it's ok to rape someone.


yes, yes, you are right...I'm not saying this as an excuse....

but WHY would someone dance naked in front of a man's face and not expect that the guy is interpreting this as a signal they want sex?

I'm more asking the question why someone would be so basically cruel.

Would it be wrong for her to get raped? - yes

Would some of it be her fault? - yes


You are correct. Some of it would be her fault. I've had this argument before though, and when the word "rape" comes into play, people become unthinking retards, and they can't see any gray area. It's so stupid.


Kicky, don't make me kick your ass.

There is no grey area. Either you rape someone or you don't. Plain and simple.
0 Replies
 
kickycan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 12 May, 2006 01:41 pm
Thanks for making my point. Enjoy the thread.
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