Adoption home study.

I don't know what to say either. If it were me, I probably take Mo and
leave for the day too.

Bio dad hasn't cared for such a long time, why should he be allowed to upset Mo's life now. Having him sign the papers is of course important,
but then again, that's the least he can do to help his son have a decent
life with two people who love him dearly, and have been his parents
for such a long time.

I forgot, using those sideways carats <> don't work with a phrase now.


I can imagine this coming out well, with biodad visiting, but I can also imagine hell on wheels starting up. Geez. Can't he sign at an office?
Well, if you all do this (and your hub talked to him, and I didn't, and you say he know more about all this)... good luck. I worry about the situation re him, but, given that he just signs, I still worry about quick strong shock for Mo.

I've spent a restless night stewing about today.

Bio dad was supposed to meet with Mr. B yesterday. He didn't show up but later called saying that he wanted to see Mo.

Bio's mom called me last night checking up on her son. She is enthusiastic about the impending adoption and I think she was very influential in getting him over his bluster and ready to sign.

I really don't know how to handle it from Mo's perspective.

If I tell him bio is coming over and he again bails -- then what?

If I don't tell him and he does come -- then what?

If Mo isn't here and he refuses to sign because of that -- then what?

Bio hasn't seen Mo in two years -- since Mo was three and a half. Mo has a really good memory but I'm wondering if he will recognize bio-dad.

Ugh...

I cannot WAIT until you don't have to cater to these people, at all. "I won't sign unless I see Mo," whether explicit or implicit, is utterly ridiculous. But I understand that the stakes are very high and that you can't just dismiss it out of hand. That biodad needs a certain amount of jollying along, and that you don't want to scare him off.

Ugh.

I guess I'd take Mo someplace today when biodad visits, and then Mr. B can handle it and set up a meeting further in the future, with more time for preparation, and impress upon biodad (after the papers are signed) the importance of actually showing up...

Ugh is right! Sorry, Boomer, but this sucks. I wish I could say something you don't already know.

I think the fallout for Mo would (could) be much too hard on him. There's no way to know how this will affect him. Can Mr B explain that to biodad? Jesus, biodad hasn't exactly been considerate of Mo over the past 5 years (understatement intended), maybe he could give him some consideration now!

Warning. Rant:

That little (*&(*^ (^*(YUJ*U^&* (O&(YHK%$ &$^&% no showed and no called today.

I had promised Mo that I would take him to buy a fish today so on our way to the pet store I spilled that we were expecting company and do you remember and blahblahblah - nothing to big, just a heads up.

We talk about it a little bit. Everything seems cool. We go buy the fish (named Ben) and bring it home.

Mo is a little teary and overly sensitive all afternoon.

Then the *&%$&$_ doesn't bother to show up.

Grrrrr......

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Grrrrr is right but I am really heartbroken over the whole thing.

And I'm pissed off.

He issues these freaking ultimatums and then..... nothing.

I'm going to have a sit down with Mr. B and declare a few ultimatums of my own.

More grrring.

And ugh-ing, too.

I was feeling that I might have been too reactive, letting my own feelings influence my posts so much last night (was that just last night?) - but now I am a roiling ugh-mobile. This is detrimental as it is going.

I'm so sorry, boomer. I just hope that you and Mr. B can use this to push him to just sign the papers and not put Mo thru any more stuff.

And maybe Ben will be a good distraction for Mo. (Fingers are crossed.)

Yeah, tell us how it goes with Ben. Sozlet's been wanting a fish forever. Is he a betta?

Maybe Ben will be a good distraction for me too.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where many people you were counting on just let you down? I am amazed and appalled at some of the real live people I know. A2K seems much safer to me than the real world right now.

<sigh>

<sob>

I'd better go get my shovel sharpened because I feel a big dig coming on.

Can you go to bio-dad's home or place of business? After all, his mother seems to be in favor of the whole adoption thing, so why not go with her blessing or even with her.

Just, "Hi, Chuck (or whatever his name is), let's take 5 seconds and you'll sign these. Here, here and here." And if he bitches that he wants to see Mo first, well, he had his chance. Tell him that he can see Mo after signing the papers. Then he'll just be a no-show again, but you will have signed papers, and that's all that counts right now.

Sorry about the setback, boomer. But write it all down. In the case that you have to forcibly terminate his rights, this little episode is a testament to his not having Mo's best interest in mind.

Hang in there boomer. It's going to work out fine. It's just a long and bumpy road.

Good point, FreeDuck, and Jespah, that sounds feasible...

Honestly at this point I'm not worried about the adoption going through. If we are forced to take him to court he could not win.

We have a phone number to leave a message but don't know where he lives or where he works. His mom would probably help me, she has already, but I don't really want to drive a wedge between her and her son. He's going to be her son forever and I think he needs to imagine that she is on his side.

If it was just this I think I'd be okay.

I'm really mad about it because I went ahead and told Mo that he was supposed to come over and he ended up being all weird all day. Mr. B was upset that I had told him at all and we argued about what was the best and right thing to do.

Mr. B's dad was supposed to write one of our reference letters and he bugged out with a lot a flimsly little excuses. WTF!? He can't write one little letter about something this important?

So now I need to round up another reference at a time we thought everything was DONE.

Then my business partner sent me a whiney email. He's the operating partner, I'm a silent partner - an investor really - and now he's wanting all this time consuming ego boosting blahblahblah and I'm just too tired and preoccupied to give it so I'm just all "shut it down".

When it rains, it pours.

Geez, that's a lot to handle right now. This too shall pass.

Poor disappointed Mo. And what a difficult choice between preparing him and having him let down and not preparing him at the risk of springing such an emotional surprise. Like you just can't win.

Sorry about Mr. B's dad -- what about your sister? Or has she already written one?

Aw...

I can write a reference! If Noddy can get Montana a job... (Seriously, if it would help at all, I'm so on it.)

What's with Mr. B's dad?! That's so annoying.

The visit thing was just a huge can of worms and there was no way to keep every single slithering one of 'em inside. I can't imagine that just springing biodad on Mo would've been better than warning him. (I'm completely with littlek about instincts screaming "prepare him!") As it happened, biodad didn't show up, but in the better safe than sorry scheme of things, I think even marginally prepared Mo +/- biodad visit is better than unprepared Mo + biodad visit.

Is meeting at a neutral location (lawyer's office, whatever) a possibility? Is there a concern that something like that would itself scare him off (though it doesn't seem like there is anything that WOULDN'T scare him off...)