Ack! I'm a 'lady'?!

he he

duuuude .. you are so.. like.. right on man...

Not necessarily.
I would call it a lack of common respect.

According to my grandparents, ma'am, and sir were what you called anyone older then you , no matter what.

But, in this current generation its hey lady , chick, girl, hey you.. etc.
And that has become common... even with its obvious lack of respect.

About the m'am thing....I expect to be called m'am by someone younger than me who I don't know....There's a lot of times I don't want someone much younger, especially their teens, to call me by my first name. They are taking for granted I'm on the same level as them, and you know what? I'm not. I've had tons more life experience, heartaches, joys and learning experiences.

I know it's annoying to a 16 year old to think about the fact that they may not know more than me about every subject under the sun, but there it is.

Calling me Mrs. Chai seems TOO formal, ma'm is just right.

Rejoice in that flushd, it is your first step in becoming one of us Wise Elders.

I can remember when my older sister (now 59) turned 27. I was 13 or 14 and walked in on her crying her eyes out...I asked her what was wrong...and she said (keeping in mind this was 32 years ago) "I'M 27 AND I'M NOT MARRIED, NO ONE WILL WANT TO MARRY ME EVER!!!"

well, anyway, she got married within the next 2 years. whoop-de-doo for all the good it did in making her a happier person.

That event stay in the back of my mind....when I turned 27 I got all out of sorts and depressed and everything else. My boyfriend finally asked me what was wrong, and I said....."I'M 27 AND MY SISTER WAS UPSET BECAUSE SHE WASN'T MARRIED AT 27"

That snapped me out of it.

I'm 47 now, and the passage of time really floors me....for instance, when I counted on my fingers and said that incident with my sister happened 32 years ago...Damn.....I was 32 just yesterday and I'm remembering stuff from that long ago!

That's the kind of stuff that when I think about it, realize how much I have grown in wisdom, as well as joy. Also, there's this realization that if I told a 20 year old a story from 32 years ago, they'd be thinking I was rather old...if not REALLY old...

Flushd, you are one of those women who a destined to remain forever young. Enjoy the journey.

Time flies when you're having fun, Chai!





It sure as hell drags when you're not, though.

COME ON EVERYBODY!!!!! LET'S GIRL DANCE!!!!!

"She's A Lady"
Tom Jones

Well she's all you'd ever want,
She's the kind they'd like to flaunt and take to dinner.
Well she always knows her place.
She's got style, she's got grace, She's a winner.
She's a Lady. Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady.
Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine.
Well she's never in the way
Always something nice to say, Oh what a blessing.
I can leave her on her own
Knowing she's okay alone, and there's no messing.
She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady.
Talkin' about that little lady, and the lady is mine.
Well she never asks for very much and I don't refuse her.
Always treat her with respect, I never would abuse her.
What she's got is hard to find, and I don't want to lose her
Help me build a mountain from my little pile of clay. Hey, hey, hey.
Well she knows what I'm about,
She can take what I dish out, and that's not easy,
Well she knows me through and through,
She knows just what to do, and how to please me.
She's a lady. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She's a lady.
Talkin' about that little lady and the lady is mine.
Yeah yeah yeah She's a Lady
Listen to me baby, She's a Lady
Whoa whoa whoa, She's a Lady
And the Lady is mine
Yeah yeah yeah She's a Lady
Talkin about this little lady
Whoa whoa whoa whoa
Whoa and the lady is mine
Yeah yeah She's a Lady
And the Lady is mine

perhaps you right she wolf maybe S africa's youth haven't gotten as out of hand yet.

Flushd, your thread is a wonder. I'm not on a2k often so I miss lots of good threads. So now I will add my two cents.

Soon, I will celebrate my 63d birthday. Everything about my life is so much better than it ever has been, mostly because Dys and I got together three years ago.

As for sex, when we make love, I want to drain every last drop out of him. I still have that strong urge to get pregnant (not talking about reality here, just that I would love to have had his children). Maybe that is why I've started to belive in karma--in our next lives, I'll find him while we are still young.

Getting past menopause is a joy; the freedom allows unbridled passion and joy in having sex. Yes, gravity won out a long time ago, what used to be dimples are now crevasses, but damn, this life is soooo good.

Wisdom is real, something I wasn't terriby sure about when I was in my twenties. It adds a glow to life as you grow older and more confident and accepting of life. It brings a beauty that I hadn't experience when I was young. Even the wrinkles are not so bad. Do you know and love any older people? Do their wrinkles offend you or do they add to your tender feelings toward them? All the older people I ever loved had those lines of life experience and they make me love and respect them more.

Even to me, sixty sounds old. Funny thing is, the sixties are wonderful. Flushd, you have so many years to grow and learn and enjoy and have sex. < Big smile>

Don't worry sweetheart, it just keeps getting better.

makes me love you all the more Diane. ;-)

Ya know, I'm 26, and been getting ma'am-ed for several years now. I don't look older than my age either, because people still guess that I'm in the 18-22 range. So I think it's partly just that people aren't using "miss" as much as they used to. Maybe guys are trying harder to sound respectful, so they come out with "Ma'am," not knowing that it makes us die inside just a little (just kiddin )?

My boyfriend has called me a lady in the past and I told him it made me sound old, and he said he thinks it just sounds kind of nice and old-fashioned. To his ear it sounds prettier and more genteel than just calling someone a woman. So maybe he's not the only guy that thinks of it that way. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

Oh, and p.s., I totally agree with Diane about wrinkles. I've actually been happy to start having wrinkles, I like 'em so far. I feel like my face is finally starting to have some character!

I truly love seeing signs of age especially in women's faces; it's like seeing a little trace of all the experiences they've had, their past joys and sorrows-- not to sound sappy.

{{{{{ shewolfnm }}}}}

Cyphercat, not sappy at all, just very nice.

i don't mind 'ma'aam' at all. indian students especially called me that all the time. but when one of the girls asked: "Ma'am, are you a spinster?" - well that made me pause.

Phoenix, thanks for sharing that story. That is true. It was a bit of a relief to hear your story - sort of the reverse of mine, with an opposite reaction. Puts things in perspective.
Why AM I worrying so much about what men think about my looks?! I have let myself get carried away with a little thing; which bothers me even more considering how much I have always prided myself on being my own person. Ack. I'm gorgeous even if I have one eye, one toe, and one breast.


Chaitea, I always love your stories. You crack me up, and I almost feel like you share a certain part of my brain. The story was a good reality check. !

LadyDiane, I'm so glad you came and added to my thread. I took GreenWitch's advice and read through the entire "women of a certain age" thread. I read it twice, savouring all the contributions from so many different folks that I have come to really care about on this forum. It's good to know this is normal, it will pass, and it is part of life. It's good to not be alone on it.
You got me thinking about all the people I love in my life, living and gone, who are older or have wrinkles or have moved past the spring of life.
I started to get some tears. I thought of the 84 yr old woman (big sister to my now deceased stepdad) who took it upon herself to become like a grandmother to me. Strong woman! Tiny little body but with fire you could not imagine. Beautiful, honest mind and a heart like the ocean. I love her wrinkles. I love her face. Her entire presence is like being wrapped in a giant cozy blanket.
And I can think of others. Women who I perhaps have not taken the proper time to say how much I appreciate them, and who I have been missing dearly.
I am going to reach out to those women, and reassert my place with them.

There are so many fabulous women on A2K. There really is nothing like the bond between women across all generations, and it something I value very deeply. I feel so lucky to hear from all of you, and to learn and feel understood. It's something very special in the world.

cyphercat, you are the same age as me and you are ENJOYING your first wrinkles?! You're a bigger woman than I. I must adopt that attitude, 'cause it's a good one. It makes a lot of sense, too. I appreciate the wrinkles and lines on my loved ones, but on me I reject them?! Doesn't make sense, eh.

Oh, and about this whole "Ma'am" thing, and "Lady".
I think for me it is so disturbing to be called "lady" and "ma'am" bc in my mind it has always been a way of addressing women who were older but wanted to dominate will a title.
Does that makes sense?
Sort of like, if you were a "lady" you were not equal as a human being. You were on a special pedistal. Not a strong person, but a weak woman who shouted and made kids feel less than.
The women I respected growing up I got to call by their First Names, or by a title of endearment.
Lady and Ma'am were reserved for those people who DEMANDED respect.

Now that I am older, I can let all that go, and give the words whatever meaning I want, but I suppose my history explains my gut reaction to being called a "lady". It feels sort of like being told "you are just a lady. Are you afraid to break a nail, there sweetheart? Don't worry. " Pat on the head.

yeah.

Flushd, the beauty of your writing has to come from someplace and it sure isn't your face or your body. You are beautiful.

You sure know how to make someone feel special. Thank you.

I only get "maam'd" on every second Tuesday of the month, when I go on our special night out with some of the girls from my gentleman's club.

Why howdy, toots, er, maam. Nice pants you're wearing.

flushd, Diane is one of my very favourite women. Listen to her!

I am 44 now, very happily married and when I go out I like to flirt and see if I can get these young guys to react. Oh dear, it's just too easy... And I don't think it has very much to do with looks...

Oh, I do not agree with the other ladies about younger and older guys. I love younger guys! :-)

As I aged, I began to find physical signs of aging in others, and eventually found them in myself, oddly touching - rather in the way people on this thread have mentioned feeling tenderness about some loved older person's wrinkles. I don't know how common this attitude is, but if a fair number of people feel this way then the advertising world is missing a bet, and botox usage is not necessarily always a benefit to how people regard one's looks.

Women of a Certain Age