Ack! I'm a 'lady'?!

Pass your mouse over the word "opportunities". It says "Elder care" when I do it.
The ad gods are laughing at me.

Ahhhh, c'mon. Physical attractiveness is a pretty shallow measure of a person's worth, and anyone who values physical attraction over the stuff that really matters is hardly one to merit consideration.









On the otherhand, if you've got a nice bass boat ...

I don't know about everyone being married with kids at 27, I know people get married younger in the states then here but that sounds a little like an exaggeration. 27 is still very young and I find it odd that you should feel you past your prime? And calling people in their late twenties "older men" seems very amusing. What do you want with 18 year olds really? I'm 21 and have never dated a man younger then me the closest they have been is three years older the futherest 9 years older, always found older boys sexier maybe that's just me but some of 25+ has a lot more to offer then a kid of 18.

Anyway I think that questioning ones life is pretty normal. I don't think it's cos you are becoming "lady" but maybe because you broke up with some one and now you have to question what's going on in your life ( a lot of time to think) and maybe you realised that your life was comfortable with him around but now that he's gone you realise that is was just comfort and not really meaningful and now you have to re asses some values. It's always scary when something in your life changes it kind oif throws you off balance but that's life for you whether you are 16 or 62. If my parents are anything to go by marraige doesn't solve the big questions it might just offer support.

Here's some observations from a old lady of 44: However old you are enjoy it. From my perspective you are very young. My 86 year old aunt thinks I'm in my prime. Don't worry about the marriage/mommy thing, if it happens it happens. In the meantime have lots of fun and become a better you. I didn't meet the right man until I was in my 30's and if I had married any of the men I met in my 20's- I would now be divorced. Marriage should not be a matter of timing: "Oh my Gosh I'm 27 and my bio clock it ticking!" as you quickly scan the bar looking for a sperm donor with a job. It's true that if you want children you have a set number of years, but don't make that the reason to buy an overpriced pouffy dress and feed your friends chicken marsala.

There are advantages and disadvantages to this aging thing. Yes, it sucks when you realize you are falling off the radar of young men. Yes, the first sign of wrinkles, gray hair, and the inevitable victory of gravity can be depressing. That is why it is important to have more than your looks to make you feel like a complete person and a valuable woman. Beauty queens fade away, but intelligent, witty women still get invited to parties even when they have neck wattle and wear sensible shoes. I would rather have dinner with Margaret Mead than Miss America.

By the way, you are a "lady", I assume previously you were referred to as "miss" or "girl". Say goodbye to those terms happily, they no longer apply and there is no shame or sadness it that. Next you will be called "ma'am" and the first time you hear it you will look around and think "what poor old soul is he referring to" and then realize you are the poor old soul and you will probably be around age 30. Just keep having fun and and getting smarter- it's the best revenge.

There is an old thread here that I thought was called "Women of A Certain Age" that you might want to locate. There's some good advice from women who have travelled your road and lived to tell about it. You can probably hunt it down or someone with better search abilities than myself can link it here. In the meantime, enjoy your youth and your life and when you think about the future just think "bring it on!".

hey lady,

what seems to be the problem?

flushd-

Throughout life, birthdays are markers for people. They are celebrated as a change in status, a sign that we have "made it" through another year. The problem is the transitioning. Most people are not comfortable with change. They prefer certainty, the familiar, the known.

I went through what you are going through when I turned 40. The week before my birthday I was at once depressed, irritable, and impossible to live with. I obsessed endlessly about this birthday with my husband, my girlfriends, my co-workers, and anyone else within earshot.

It was as if I thought a gong would go off at the stroke of midnight on my birthday, and my life would be OVER. My birthday came, and went, and all was well. It was as if I were fighting the day, but yielded to it when it actually arrived.

Each stage of life has its own particular joys. Embrace all of life tightly.

Re: Ack! I'm a 'lady'?!


My guess is that this is the root of your problem...maybe that's why you are feeling this way...what do you think?

Have all your friends really "found what they were looking for"? As you pointed out correctly, you have your own way of doing things...

Good luck, flushd.

....Just wait til they start calling you Ma'am.

That was a real eye opener for me.

Flushd, flushd, you've got it all wrong! Your sexual peak is still ahead of you! The early 30s are a fabulous time for women! Something to look forward to! At 27 you're still a young thing. Men your age "peaked" years ago & are now, sadly, in decline! :wink:

Yep, I get "Ma'am", too. Oy.

Anyway, flushd, I didn't wed 'til I was 29, almost 30. This wasn't due to some need to quick quick quick get it done before my expiration date, but because I was (am) in love. I mean, isn't that why most people should get married?

I have a cousin who is 53. And she is one of the loveliest women I have ever known, both inside and out. To look at her, you'd swear she was 33 or even younger. But what's beautiful about her, really, is not her hair or her eyes or her figure or the way she wears her clothes -- it's how she is as a person.

BTW, isn't Lady a term of respect? Go with it. These guys aren't sure if you're married, that's all. They probably figure there's a chance you're not a Miss but they are unsure and don't want to offend. Lady is a safe word and somewhat generic. That's all.

flushd, is it a while since you were single? Do you think for some mad reason you were to blame for the end of the relationship even though it may had just run its course and maybe instead of enjoying this time on your own your over analysing the fact of being single at 27. I too am single and 27 and i'm using this time for new experiences and healing. I am enjoying being out on my own doing things and although it would be nice to have a partner I am willing to wait for the right partner instead of being hurt again. I may be getting the wrong gist of what you are saying but relax, enjoy time you have to your self and with your friends. There is plenty time for love.

Stop shopping at Talbots, and go get some slut gear at Bebe.

This was so well said, I wanted to repost it.
And this is what is happening to me.
I am now a Ma'am. Not miss, not hey you, not chick... Ma'am.

and yes, the first time i heard it.. I was floored.
I too, just like you flushed.. am noticing that even in what I consider my sexiest out fit ( gauze long skirt, fluffly curly hair, tight-ish shirt) little boys ( 20-27) dont look at me anymore. And I used to LIVE for those glances.
Now I live for the Maam moments.
Maam implies so much more respect then the typical " Whats up girl, can I have yo' numbah?" And I love it.

It was hard, I felt alot of the same things you have, and at times, STILL feel -out of the loop- or unhip..
But then I look at what I would have to be to fit into the early 20's crowd.. and I laugh.
I dont want to job hop, bar hop, break up only to make up to break up again.

It takes a bit, and alot of startling moments where you feel older then you really are, but when you get the inner silence and 'outter ' respect from others, nothing can top that. Not even the 22 year old underware model asking for your number.. ;-)

noone has called me ma'am in years, I miss the good old days.

Take heart, flushed. I'm turning 43 this month.

Yesterday, a younger man asked if I was married. A few weeks ago I had a cutie patootie 25 year old telling me I'm beautiful and I have beautiful eyes and asking for my phone number.

I'm not that beautiful. My eyes are developing crows feet. I certainly don't have a perfect figure, nor do I flirt.

I also work with a guy that has set a deadline for being married by December 2007. He's a great guy, but setting a deadline for love won't make it happen.

It'll happen when you stop wanting it to. I was perfectly content when Bear came along. I was actually starting to enjoy being on my own.

So, be careful what you wish for. :wink:

LOL yeah, "ma'am". That word has been following me around for the last few years. I think I had my midlife crisis in my mid to late twenties actually. So many of the things you are talking about flushd were exactly how I was feeling too. What scared me even more was the fact that my sister had a HUGE trauma when she hit 30, so I thought, "Gee, if I'm feeling like this right now, how am I going to feel when I hit 30?"

I always looked really young. Even at the age of 25 I was still getting guessed as being 18 or 19. It just felt scary that things were changing and I didn't seem to be able to stop it. About the age of 27 is when people started guessing my age as mid 20's. I was traumatized! The younger guys seemed to stop looking, the older guys started raising an eyebrow. I took a part time job on a farm and thought I was going to die after the first day. I couldn't throw those bales of hay around anymore like I had when I was 18. Then one day I thought, "OMG I am getting old."

Then I stopped getting ID'd. I had always just pulled it out because it was never question of whether or not they were going to ask for it. The cashier looked me right in eye and said, "Oh, I don't need to see that." I was like, "WHAT???!!!!" The guy behind me in line smirked. And the cashier said, "Well, I'll look at it if you really want me to." and we all laughed. Stinkin little 18 yr old kid... I didn't know if I should be insulted or happy that I didn't need to get ID'd anymore.

Though in the process I was learning to appreciate the maturity that was seeming to come with each passing year. The things I found attractive when I was younger were changing. What I wanted out of life was changing. I was discovering who I am am as well. Which though it seemed scary at the time, was actually quite beneficial. When I hit 30 it was no earth shaking thing. I'd already worked through it or something I guess, and I honestly have to say that my 30's have been the best time of my life.

Because I realize now that it's not about age. It's about your outlook on life, what is important to you, and how old you allow yourself to feel. The kids at work tell me I'm a teenager trapped in the body of a 35 yr old. That's not too far from the truth. The difference is I have the maturity that they are still lacking. So I know when to stop messing around. I know all the appropriate boundaries, and so forth, but most importantly I know how to enjoy myself and still have fun despite what my age calendar says.

I think what you are going through is pretty normal. There's advantages and disadvantages to getting older. I think the advantages out weigh the disadvantages by a ton. I take the phrases, "Hey lady" and "Excuse me ma'am" as compliments now. Not as a personal dig of saying nicely, "Hey ya ol bag, get outta my way." But rather as a recognition of maturity. Kinda like moving from the level of "private" to a "sergent" in the army. You know what I mean?

flushd, this is also the first time you've been on the scene since you had the reduction surgery, right? You might find that the really big boobs were the equivalent to a large neon sign flashing over your head -- major attention-grabbers. Doesn't say anything in particular about your actual beauty, which I'm sure is considerable; just about attention-grabbing.

Oh, Lordy, this worry will pass. Or it should. I am in my mid-30s and seriously have never felt better or gotten the volume (and quality - side note to you: men in their 30s are about a million times better than men in their 20s; trust me on this) attention I get now. And I've generally gotten attention in the past. When I was 28 and getting married a friend of mine, who seemed *so* much older at 34 told me, oh, I'd never do my 20s again; 30s are so much better. I'd heard it before, and dismissed it each time. Well, now here I am where she was and wow - she was totally, utterly right.

And don't worry about the lady or ma'am - can be annoying, but I think it's mainly people not knowing what's "okay" politically speaking.

And I got carded going out Saturday night, and not for the first time in the last few months. Doesn't bother or impress me either way - I know how I look, I'm comfortable with who and where I am, and I wouldn't change it. And *that* is one of the best thing about getting into your 30s (and, I suppose, beyond).

This is exactly what I was going to say