how crazy is this I mean its insane why am i considering it

oh. that would outright freak me out! think about it, he will expect no less from you.

and even if he didn't, it's just...well, not appealing. quite the opposite.

yes agreed on that point that is the major major negative here! everything else fine that- NOOO

i got to go to bed been reading my post wat terrible spelling it's 4 am here got back from the club around 2 40 ish am (was DJing) and then thought check the e -mail now been on here spelling badly for the past hour and a half!

I discovered something weird today, which i was never aware of but i am part of culture that accepts arranged marraiges. All my jewish friends see nothin wrong with the idea or are mildly amused but think it's a good idea.

I also relised (live in a very jewish neighborhood) that I don't know if it's been the years that i've lived here (in the neighborhood for about 6 years) that have made me comfortable with being jewish or that i've grown into it inevitably. When i was a teenager i was embarassed to even admit being jewish i thought it was so horrid and now i'm very happy to be one. I would lie to people that's how bad it was i always avoided the topic of my surname, now I can't think of being anything else, do you reach a certain age and suddenly become comfortable with who you are? or did i catch the proud to be jewsih thing though osmosis here?

how crazy is this I mean its insane why am i considering it
"I can think of worse people to marry" is not, repeat, NOT a good reason for marrying this one.

no i agree on that tomkitten, that is not a good enough reason on it's own.

Well, I'm Jewish, born, bred, raised in a Kosher home, the whole bit, and my parents would have never in a million years dreamed of arranging my marriage. Did they want me to marry a Jewish man? Yes, they expressed that as a preference but basically they just wanted me to be happy. I ended up marrying a Jewish man, actually, but neither of us were specifically looking for a Jewish match.

Jewish arranged marriages, except among the ultraOrthodox, have been out of fashion for, what, a hundred years? Something like that. I have relatives who are Orthodox and, while there is some pushing in the direction of one partner or another, these aren't arranged marriages, per se.

PS Glad you're comfortable with who you are -- we all should be. Oh, and Happy Purim! http://www.aish.com/holidays/purim/

Has everybody laid in their supply of hamantaschen?

My folks send some every year.

see my family is arelgious (mom converted) and i never go to synagogue ever. But culturally i am. (i did have a batmitvah though forced into it kicking and screaiming)

My parents aren't arranging my marraige. Gabe's parents are arranging his maybe. My folks think it is interesting and amusing (and perhaps secretly hoping I fall in love with him)

No hamantaschen here tomkitten. families very like whatever about religion. I know there's lots of jews like me, not religiuous but still well jewsih. Trust me relgion is a crock for me, it's the culture and the support of the community that gets me going.

No hamantaschen?!?! What you are missing!!!

i'm not fond of it never have been, my dad likes it though

my first marriage started out a little that way TL.

he lived in another state and we only saw each other a few times every couple of months.

after 3 months of random visits, i dropped everything and ran to him.

Married him a little later

left h im 6 months after words.

If I would have met him when we were 'adults' ( at the time i was 19 he was 18) we MAY............ MAY ...... have been
able to make something out of the relationship.
Maybe.. but that is a big stretch.

but in all honesty, we knew nothing of each other. Not even simple things like.. where we would live.
What would we want in our home
Where would we work. Kids? Jobs? Friends?
nothing. And that was the ultimate demise of the relationship.

be careful in what you choose. Marriage is a legal thing that can bite you in the butt later on.
If anything, worry about marriage for personal financial reasons.. before anything else.

See but that is the problem- it sounds very shallow I know- but Gabe's family are mega wealthy and mega connected, they live in a huge house in Sao Paulo all drive luxury vechiles go overseas at least once a year both parents are surgeons brother's a lawyer and his dad promised to buy us a house. See his daddy knows how to get his kids to do what he wants just be nice but with conditions and who can say no to complete finacial security. (maybe me but it is hard)

how crazy is this
Do you really, really think "with conditions" is worth it? Do you want to be at his father's beck and call 24/7 even for the sake of financial security? And who's to say that if you displease your FIL you won't lose some of that nice financial security anyway?

This isn't the Middle Ages; most adults have some kind of job skill to fall back on. Marrying money isn't the only way to go.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to think very carefully about how much the money/connectedness/luxury is worth to you. All this isn't the complete picture in marriage.

So which is more important - a loving relationship with your spouse or riches? There's nothing wrong with marrying for money, don't misunderstand me; it's a contract, like any other reason for marrying. But be clear with yourself: can you be sure - as sure as anyone can be, that is - that if the relationship goes sour the wealth will make up for it? Conversely, if for any reason the money goes, will the relationship last?

I'm hearing you, but love is overated (to me i fall in love with all the wrong people) and actaully I fret over money all the time weather I have enough or otherwise, and always have money cos I always know somewhere i can go to get freebies, i'm really bad like that friends are always teasing me about it. from clubs, to coffee shops or what ever some body some where is giving me something for free. It's become so bad that I won't go some where that I have to pay.

Anyway it could work... But it's the least of my worries got job interviews looming over my head, making me very nervous and gabriel in sao paulo seems very far away right now.

how crazy is this I mean its insane why am i considering it
Are you perhaps confusing love and infatuation? Strong sexual attraction is a great part of most marriages, and so it should be. But there has to be something else for a foundation. The sexual side of things does inevitably calm down (I'm not saying it necessarily goes away) and becomes less urgent. Then you are left with other aspects of marriage, and only you can decide whether the relationship will be solid enough to make you contented with sex taking second place.

Think of it this way: suppose one of you can, for some physical reason - illness, accident - no longer participate in sex. Would your marriage still have enough other bonds to continue?

Naturally, you can't say with certainty that your marriage would last, "no matter what"; no one can predict the future. But you can weigh the advantages and disadvantages of this particular relationship and at least estimate the probablities.

how crazy is this I mean its insane why am i considering it
"I think the father is off his tree although thoroughly charming"

"completle spoilt mommy's boy"

You're the one who said these things; they must have come from some part of your mind that's not altogether trusting of the relationship...

I would like to know, if it's not too personal (and please feel free to tell me to go to hell with the question, if it is) your age, roughly. This could well have some bearing on your feelings about the prospect of this marriage.

how crazy is this I mean its insane why am i considering it
Isn't a trip from South Africa to Brazil pretty expensive for a date?

yeah it is I'm 21... so young, and he's 21. Nope marraige was on my list of agendas at all till recently.