Oh well.......So I said to the waiter,
I said 'This chicken I've got is cold'.
He said 'I should think so. It's been dead for two weeks'. '
Not only that', I said, 'It's got one leg shorter than the other'.
He said 'What do you want to do, eat it or dance with it?'
Then I went to the Docs, and said
"'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' the Doc replied
'Is it common?' I enquired
He answered..... 'It's not unusual.'
So, then I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
I learned one thing Humor has to be short, quick and surprising like LordE's jokes. A joke too drawn out in details becomes (a drag?) an essay and not a joke.
Lord Ellpus wrote:Then I went to the Docs, and said
"'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' the Doc replied
'Is it common?' I enquired
He answered..... 'It's not unusual.'
I am not ashamed to admit that I laughed out loud at this.
I did too jp
but if you tell anyone.....
I won't tell... but I think you just did.
There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor. The doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.
"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions. And just now, while I've been sitting here talking to you, I had a silent gas emission! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"
"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."
HA HAA! (Ouch!).
I keep forgetting that I've hurt my back. I was playing leapfrog with my four year old nephew the other day, and I fell off.
In actual fact, I visited the Docs about my back yesterday, and he said it was just old age.
"I want a second opinion" I said.
"OK" replied the Doc "You're ugly as well".
A guy goes into a toy store to buy a Barbie doll for his niece. He's overwhelmed by all the choices. Barbie comes with this house and this car etc. He asked the salesladie "Does Barbie come with Ken?" She says "No, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she only fakes it with Ken."
Usually I just enter a place and people already start laughing.
Its somehow always me who doesnt get the joke.
DrewDad wrote:How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the door and put him in.
How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the elephant out, and put the giraffe in....
I remember that joke I remember that joke I remember that joke !!
errmm ... oops
(i was just, you know, reflecting ponderously on the wonders of jokes' long lifespan and transnational intercommunicability ... aahh ... aye, i was just a wee lad, back then...)
You don't look all that goddamn big now.
True - big I'm not.
Lord Ellpus wrote:Then I went to the Docs, and said
"'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.'
'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ' the Doc replied
'Is it common?' I enquired
He answered..... 'It's not unusual.'
LOL!
OK, so i heard this one before - but I'd forgotten it. And dear Lord, you won the best joke in the thread prize.
nimh wrote:DrewDad wrote:How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the door and put him in.
How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the elephant out, and put the giraffe in....
I remember that joke I remember that joke I remember that joke !!
Hey, guys! DrewDad got #1 and #2. Farmerman got #3. Did anyone ever get #4? How do you get across the river, remember?
Ah well....I guess nobody cares anymore. <sob>
What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
THE TASTE!
BOP!
Eva wrote:nimh wrote:DrewDad wrote:How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator? Open the door and put him in.
How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? Open the door, take the elephant out, and put the giraffe in....
I remember that joke I remember that joke I remember that joke !!
Hey, guys! DrewDad got #1 and #2. Farmerman got #3. Did anyone ever get #4? How do you get across the river, remember?
Ah well....I guess nobody cares anymore. <sob>
You walk across the backs of the crocs?
Nope. Let's review......
1. How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator?
You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.
2. How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator?
You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.
3. The Lion King is giving a party and all the animals in the jungle will be there except one. Who won't go?
The giraffe. He's still in the refrigerator.
4. You have been given a task. You must cross a river that is infested with man-eating crocodiles. You have only the clothes on your back. There are no boats, no trees, no rocks, no ropes and no bridge. How can you get across alive?
You swim across. The crocodiles are all at the Lion King's party.
Trust me. If you ask these one at a time to most people, they won't guess a single one. Try it sometime.
Try it with a kid under five. They get at least three out of four.
