The Power of Hugs

The power of hugs
Personally, I dislike being touched by all but a very few people. I find it an unwarranted intimacy. My person is private, and I like to keep it that way.

Of course! Lots of hugs when my friends and I meet.

But yes, there are some people that I will NOT hug.

And we hug at work, too... But we're Europeans...

Re: The Power of Hugs


These are probably the same people who didn't get hugged a lot as children

Yes to both liking hugs and disliking hugs from people I don't like. One woman I know, who is really likable, almost smothers me with her hugs. I'm too wimpy to say anything to her.

My ex was rather aloof, leaving me feeling lonely. I'm the type of person who needs loving touches. This is reminding me of the babies at the turn of the last century who were taken care of but not cuddled. They had a very high death rate.

To me, hugs, loving touches, are an important part of life.

I used to feel the same way Tomkitten did. I had my boundaries, and I wasn't into the whole touchy-feely thing. But something has changed! I get all the "touch" and hugs I can now. Look out, Tomkitten! You might become one of those touchy-feely people too!



Hee!

I used to date someone from England and he told me hugging people you barely know just wasn't done there. But he liked the fact that Americans did it!

I love hugs. Thats the thing i miss the most now ive broken up with my boyfriend. I loved hugging him.

Sigh...me too!

God Forbid

I love to be hugged and held by my husband. It's like food for my soul.

With a couple of close friends, we exchange hugs on hellos and goodbyes.

With people I know slighty, it depends. If I know they are a good hearted, huggy person, I don't mind if they don't make a big deal about it. Kinda like how some women can get away with calling everybody 'honey' and it sound natural.

If it's one of those people that are always making a show of something, I hate it.

If a stranger tries to hug me.....they're going to get an arm full of iron. BACK OFF!

Related to hugs.....How large is your personal space?

If I'm talking to someone, I am most comfortable if both of us can extend our arms and our fingertips touch. Closer than that, it's an invasion.

I'm a big observer of body language. and I need this space to read their entire body. I hate it when someone right on top of you, and all you can see it their big fat face.

If someone standing that close, I'll take a step back. Unfortunatley, some of these 'close encounter' people just take a step forward.

I know this woman that would do that ALL the time. One day when I wasn't feeling great, really stressed out, I had to meet with her.....

She started her crowding and all of a sudden, I thrust my arm out, put it on her shoulder, and stopped her. I stepped back two steps and told her this is where I felt comfortable as far as distance.

I was pleasantly surprised when she was totally gracious about it, and from then on, unless we are huddled over a project, that's how far she stays.

Clue - if you're talking to someone and they back away, don't follow them, you making them nervous.

Hey Stray Cat!

Good to see you!

Hi Chai Tea!

Yes, I know what you mean about strangers hugging. I don't like that either. That's a little too much. I really only want to hug people I know pretty well!

I live for hugs.

One of my rare misgivings about Hungary is that, it seems (but I still hope I'm wrong), hugs and cuddles are more strictly reserved for boy-/girlfriends, not for friends (at least not when they're of opposite sex).

God I miss 'em.

I actually studied tactile communication (and did my final research paper on it) in college. Touch is extremely powerful, both in good and bad ways.

Hugs are very personal because they cause places of our bodies to touch that we normally don't allow strangers to touch (not those places bad people!). Our chest, back and stomach are just a few of the places we normally reserve for close friends and family. Think about how uncomfortable you are if someone puts their hand on your back or their arm around your shoulder and you hardly know them. If they touch your upper arm, it isn't nearly as weird and the forearm is even less of a threat. Not everyone is as sensitive to this stuff but most people feel weird if a stranger hugs them and we try to only touch only the very the upper part of the body lightly, rather than full body press or even a half body press.

It's so interesting to study this because it actually reduces the stress caused by bad news. So next time you have to break the bad news, touch the person you are telling and it lessens the impact.

So yes, hugs are very important because they convey closeness and love.

My personal space is enormous. I panic when I'm cornered with one of them close talkers. I don't like hugs except with the closest of the closest. And no, it's not because I was not cuddled as a child. I was, aplenty. I just value my privacy, which includes my body, very much.
Bella, if a stranger puts his arm on the small of my back, my natural instinct is to scream and hit him with a heavy blunt object, while hurling insults his way. Formal hugs I can live with, but they ain't welcome. Trespassing into my territorial imperatif, however by stepping over the boundary and/or surprising me with unsolicited contact is trecherous and makes me all defensive against the attacker. should be clearly outlawed, if you ask me.

then again, it's got a lot to do with my 'sensory defensiveness' - i'm overly sensitive (read neurotic) to some sound and visual stimuli - like plastic bags, masticating, crunching, shuffling feet, quirky habits like constantly touching hair or a beard, nail picking and biting..... come to think of it i just hate people sounds of all sorts.

If I ever do meet dagmaraka, I plan on putting my arm on the small of her back.

Just to see what happens.

You and my wife would get along famously.

<burrrrrp>

I get aggressive when approached by a close talker. I lean into them, or take a step closer. Usually works, too. But guys can get away with that stuff....

The Power of Hugs
The size of personal space seems to be as much a function of a person's particular culture as anything else. In the West we seem to require a minimum of arm's length, preferably a bit more, but in crowded countries, like Japan, personal space is barely even a consideration; people even feel anxious when too far away from other people.

Frankly, I am really upset when people I don't know well - and even many that I do - put an arm around my shoulder, or try to hold my hand, or even pat me. I try to move away as soon as possible from such intrusion, and unfortunately, people are sometimes really hurt by my reaction to what they consider just a friendly gesture.

I think, too, it's part of the idea that my first name is for friends and relatives, not for receptionists in doctors' offices. The awful thing there is that they call me by my legal first name, thinking they're being friendly. Well, they're not: I never use that name except for signing checks and such.

My conclusion is that your friendly gesture should end just before it touches my body.