i don't think many care at that point...
Well, theres always the one that will still squirm, self-pityingly, incomprehendingly, while crouching on the floor at your feet as you kick him a fourth time, "But why, why are you doing this? I just wanted to hug you!"
kick him the fifth time. sixth time. how ever many times necessary.
This is an interesting American/European double-take on personal space, and how differently it's experienced:
In her blog
One small lawyer's big adventure, Chantelle Washenfelder, a Canadian "prairie girl" who lives in Belgrade, Serbia,
writes this:
Quote:PDAs
We are heading into Belgrade's late summer. The weather is beautiful. The sun is shining. The grass is still green and the leaves have only just started to change. With good weather, you will find the street side cafes, bars, and parks of Belgrade packed. No matter the time of day you can find people enjoying the many parks Belgrade has to offer. Given that most people live in apartments, parks provide a green space for all to enjoy. Parks are also a favourite spot for couples.
This brings me to the title of the post "PDAs". I don't mean personal digital assistants. I mean public displays of affection. In a society where people still largely greet each other with a kiss on the cheek and where women stroll the shopping street arm in arm or holding hands, perhaps I should not be surprised that a more liberal attitude to displays of affection would rule. It also doesn't help that, because of the incredibly high cost of housing, most people here live with their families, sometimes even after marriage. So if you ever visit Belgrade don't be surprised to see couples in private embraces in public places. I, for one, will just be keeping my gaze to the statutes, fountains, and changing leaves.
This also has me thinking how we must seem restrained and cold to Europeans.
On Flickr, one of the photographers read this item, responded the way I would have ("huh? couples kissing in the park, people greeting each other with a kiss on the cheek, women strolling the shopping street arm in arm - those are
bad things? Or even unusual things?") - and
posted her own picture of a kissing couple in Belgrade.
She commented:
Quote:I, for one, cannot understand how anyone can be bothered or embarrassed by the sight of a couple kissing in public. they look like romeo and juliet to me.
What say you?
If you come from rural Canada, those would definitely be unusual sights.
Given that many Canadians aren't that far, culturally or experientially, from the farm, it would make a lot of them uncomfortable.
I've occasionally had to tell friends visiting from my hometown not to stare at people here in Toronto.
I've been out of the small-town setting for about 30 years. I don't think that PDA's are bad or unusual now, but I do sometimes wonder if some of them are necessary.
I love hugs and cuddles once I've gotten to know and like you. That takes a while for me.
Even the customary kiss after a few dates is too much for me. Unless we already have gotten to know each other beforehand, a date is getting to know a stranger. A hug after a few dates and being friendly is more than enough, in my opinion, for me to let you know I like you!
This often did not go well for me on dates...lots of guys wanting to rush into things and taking my 'spaciness' not very well.
I need a lot of space until I warm up to you, and then I am extremely affectionate.
But I know I can seem downright cold at first with people as I can't stand having people in my space - my space extends a full armlength at least, unless I invite you closer.
There is a coworker of mine who I don't know all that well, just casually working together sometimes, who walked up behind me the other day and leaned in across my shoulder to talk to me. He was talking into my ear right close! I started jumped and started laughing, because I had to remind myself mentally for a while there not to deck him.
And he is a very close person, always getting right close to people. Genuinely a nice guy, but has an entirely different sense of what is close and what is not.
I love hugging my boyfriend. Or other good friends, and family members. Anyone else- NO THANKS.
I don't know when hugging became the norm for greeting or saying good bye in general- even people I've only met once or twice!
I feel like I have to keep my distance, so there is no danger some person I hardly know will embrace me! It's like I'm a weirdo when I just say good bye and leave a place- instead of making a big to-do and hugging every single person in the room goodbye- as if I won't see them all later!
Recently I've was out at a bar, and end up randomly talking to some girl who happens to be standing next to me ordering a beer- once I get my drink I turn to leave, tell her I'll see her later, and she hugs me! What?! I've said all of like 10 words to this person!
Where you from, strawberry333? Or, I mean, where do you live, roughly - Europe or US, west or eastcoast, in a city or a town? (Always curious about how this kind of thing differs from place to place)
FREE HUGS
do a youtube search
I hug a lot. I've made notes here to hug anyone with large personal space needs if we ever meet. I may not ever let go.
When I saw
this "Free Hug" video, I thought... "What a great thing to do!
I don't remember seeing this one when it was first posted... re: the original post, one thing that immediately comes to mind with kids/ grownups is that the fit is awkward. I never really standing-hug my 6-year-old -- we snuggle constantly, but it's more like I pick her up and she throws her arms around my neck and puts her cheek against mine, that kind of thing. We are friends with a few families where there are rounds of hugs before leaving -- adults-adults is fine, kids-kids is fine, but kids-grownups is always awkward. I usually get down on my knees, that helps.
I took the Canadian's post to be leading up (with typical Canadian understatment) to that she was seeing some REALLY private stuff -- stuff that the people didn't want to do in front of their mothers-in-law, but since they didn't have any privacy at home they went out to do it in parks in front of strangers instead. I didn't really get from her that kisses on cheeks were bad things, more that with those things as a background, she ruefully notes that it shouldn't surprise her to see entertwined limbs and glimpses of nudity (or whatever), but that the latter (not kisses on the cheek or even romantic canoodling as in the picture) were too much for her.
Open to interpretation though, I'm not sure.
I've talked before about how American Deaf culture is huggy to the max -- hugging, hugging, always hugging. "Hey, I think I talked to you once for 5 minutes -- how ya doin'?? <hug>" You always hug people you know when you first see them and again when you take leave.
I love it, in general. That's even though I don't hug that much otherwise. (As in, if I see a hearing person I know as well as a Deaf person I'd hug upon seeing, I don't hug the hearing person... cultural.) And one thing I think of from that cultural perspective -- hearing, American, Midwestern -- is that often the people who deviate from the norm want something. It's easy to become suspicious of it in that context. Frequently it's guys who are adept at transgressing boundaries just enough to make women uncomfortable without actually earning a slap. (I don't mean nice guys who hug -- I know plenty of the nice ones in the Deaf world and some nice hearing ones too. I mean guys who are purposely trying to get away with something -- and I've dealt with PLENTY of those.) Or women who are trying to foster a sense of intimacy prematurely because they're trying to get something out of you.
So with a foot in both worlds, I do get both sides of it. When it's not the norm, it carries different messages. Overall, I'd prefer it was the norm though I think.
Hugs and massages, Soz! People who are wanting something a little questionable or premature, it's always with the hugs and the massages.
Quote:Where you from, strawberry333? Or, I mean, where do you live, roughly - Europe or US, west or eastcoast, in a city or a town? (Always curious about how this kind of thing differs from place to place)
Washington DC area- I just added it to my profile, which I realized I never filled out
It is interesting to see where people are coming from- literally.
