The Power of Hugs

gus, you can put your hand on the small of my back anytime.

I love to give hugs and I love receiving them. I hug my co-workers as well as family. I've even had hugs from customers in the store I work in after helping them. I've also been told that I'm a good hugger.

I love hugs from anybody who doesn't have BO, head lice, ring worm or is drunk.

Personal space varies as far as distance is concerned but we all have personal space. Try this:

When people get into an elevator they file in and fill up the corners first, then if a 5th person gets on, that person stands in the middle. We all try to be as far away as possible from each other.

So next time you are getting into an elevator with one other person (must be a stranger), stand right next to them instead of in the other corner. You can literally feel the tension. Or they will simply move away from you. Fun.

I was quite happy when I read that quote from doglover and began making plans on taking her up on her offer.

But then she wrote this....




Make up your damn mind!

Personal space is quite different in the South. It's not unusual at all for someone to touch your arm while they're talking to you.

Once had a Yankee yell at me for doing that during a party....

The power of hugs
I spent a lot of my school years in New Orleans, and even then I didn't like the too-personal approach of hugs and pats.

I think I described it in quite a detail. But for you, I'd add a few kicks in the groin and 3 or 4 body punches, maybe a straight jab or two - if you so please.

So, how do you feel about the sound of a woman taking her diaphram out?



A friend of mine did a vocal impersonation of that once, I almost died laughing.

Of course, it was a very good friend

don't use em, they freak me out, just the tought of them....eeeek. that ain't going anywhere in me. and i haven't been in the vicinity of a friend or an enemy for that matter that would happen to be taking one out at the moment..... but something tells me i'd have a slight problem with hearing it. i mean....must sound like a cow chewing her yesterday's lunch, pardon my imagination....

I'd like that. Very much.

I'm another woman who likes the wide open spaces.

As for the first-naming, pseudo togetherness....more often than not on better acquaintance, strangers address me as Ms. Noddy.

I took an environment and human behavior class a couple of decades ago. This involved things like reading William Whyte's The Social Life of Small Urban Spaces, and a few books about personal space and other such matters. For an assignment we had to approach ten strangers very closely and then note what they did. (ugh). I sidled up to people in the grocery store line. Amazing to me, they didn't always back away, at least right away. I had to hold my ground (ugh, ugh). Luckily no one socked me. I forget what conclusions I drew, if any.

There was a whole touchy-feelly era, right around the late seventies, I think. Suddenly more and more friends were putting a hand on my forearm as they made their point. There was a routine, sort of a finger on forearm being a later modification.. I was perplexed at first, then started to get really annoyed as many of the people who were doing a lot of that also spouted amazing blather at the same time.

A person here in north north really gets into one's personal space, and I feel sorry for her. She is somewhat deaf (hey, wait, so am I) and has apparently handled it years ago by getting up very close. She could chase you across the room. She has come to our art openings, and one can't just run away. However, in a few minutes I remember there are other people for a host to see and talk to, excuse me....

I grew up in a sort of tiny family island. My parents weren't touchy feelly but they weren't cold hearted or cold armed either. I didn't learn the social mores of hugging people until I was on my own as a young adult at a time when many people were being quite expressive, and I grew more so.

I will hug people I like as friends after I've gotten to have, say, a long lunch with them talking about many things, of opinions, feelings, enthusiasms, if they seem receptive, not if not.

Dag

You know how when you have a big drain clog, and you put industrial strength liquid plumr in there?

When the liquid plumr eats through the clog, and the suction behind the clog grabs hold of whatever was holding up the works, and slurps it down with a loud SSSSCCHHHHULLLLRRRRRPPPPP?

something like that, only funnier.

The power of hugs
It's funny - the people who staff doctors' offices and such are totally amazed when I don't react to my first name being called, or object to to their use of it when talking to me. They just can't see the problem.

And of course, no matter how politely I do it, it's hard to point out that my first name is reserved for my friends: receptionists just look baffled at the concept of their not being my friends - sometimes they are even insulted.

Re: The Power of Hugs

Funny - I havent ever been to Japan - but my own kind of west-east contrast is the opposite. The one girl here I complained to about how, it seems, at first blush, Hungarians are relatively non-physical, as friends (I put it slightly less nuanced than that...) and who responded "oh yeah I hate that too!", is American, and we made it kind of a point to catch up on missed-out hugs whenever we see each other.

There is also this American guy I go out for a drink with sometimes who does the whole touching-your-arm thing and stands so close to you when talking (he also has this low, soft voice that must do well with the wimmin) that even I take a step back. And yes, at a concert a while ago (where admittedly you have to talk loud) I kept taking a step back, and him taking another one closer, heh.

I kinda thought that, if anything, Americans were more physical, more free. Well, my Dutch friends tend to all be pretty huggy too, but I wouldnt so much ascribe that to Dutchness as more to the kind of people I sought out... (remind me not to hug Dag next time I see her. Actually, funny, come to think of it; when I saw her I did indeed never think of doing so. I guess you can kind of sense it, tho I didnt realise it..)

oh boy, i must emanate a cold blue light or sumtin.... 'tis not my fault, i swear!

No no - you're very welcoming; very hospitable. I immediately felt welcome, in Bratislava. Just, I'm normally quick to hug, once I like someone, and I never even thought of it; now I'm thinking it's just cause one picks up on those things (sometimes), would make sense, no?

chai tea.... you have taken care of my dreams for nights to come. it beats my recent dream of growing these nasty white tentacles instead of hair on my calves that i couldn't pull out for the devil and were somewhat alive on their own.... eeewww. bleeeechk. damn, can't decide which is worse. ok, maybe the tentacles still win.

it does, nimh. most everybody picks up on it somehow...

OK - I'm done grossing Dag out.

The thing about touching. I don't pay attention if someone touches my arm for a second, like to get my attention, it when you talking or working with someone and they keep touching you. Expecially the ones that leave their hand laying on you. grrrrrrrrrrr. I'm talking women here. Men must pick up the vibe to keep their distance.

It's so distracting, I'm thinking, working, talking, something that occupies the mind, and suddenly I have to deal with someone's hand all over me.

I'm wondering: Why are they touching me?
When are they going to take their hand off me?
Am I supposed to touch them back?

I can't concentrate on anything else.

Oh God! I just remember this woman who, instead of just asking me to come into the other room with her, didn't say a word and just took my hand and started walking into the other room.

Uh, what the f*uck are you doing?

well they must get the message by the third kick in the groin, at the latest...