Let's say your wife calls and tells you she's going to a study group and won't be home until late when she's really meeting a fellow student in her class who has caught her eye. She's meeting him for drinks and conversation during which she tells him she's attracted to him, confused in her marriage, but doesn't want to get involved in an affair 'yet'. He agrees, says he's attacted to her as well but doesn't want to sleep with another man's wife. They talk, enjoy themselves, share a hug and kiss on the lips at the end of the evening. Meanwhile your home watching TV, thinking all is well and missing your wife but understand that she's studying hard. Did she cross any lines?
It's good to see that you've talked to her about how you feel. Keep on talking and stop kissing other women unless you're cool with her kissing other men.
I will speak with the other woman tonight. As for my wife hanging with another guy, I am not so sure I'd even care anymore. I think I am at the end, even though I am afraid to say so.
My point exactly, Sarge. I've been in your shoes. You're not doing either of you any favors by setting an arbitrary timeline. Forgive me playing devil's advocate.
Please play the devil's advocate. That's why I post here. I value all perspectives. I am trying to work it out at home. My heart is partially here, but it's getting better. As for my co-worker, I love her---as a friend. She's beautiful, but I don't wish to pursue anything with her.
Well, no one's in love every single day of a long marriage.
Or, I don't believe that. It is the nature of actually knowing someone very well and their sticking around in your everyday life that the euphoria of fascination passes away. A treasuring kind of love can and often does replace that, and that treasuring love has really sweet moments.
And tough ones. Love is not a straight line of buzz.
If you and your wife agree that the marriage is finished, no problem.
If you are willing to play brutal hardball, declare the marriage finished, and start to establish life as a bachelor, no problem.
The potential problem seems to me to be if your wife considers herself married because you haven't made your feelings clear and you act as though you are single.
Deceit is to be avoided at all costs.
I hear ya, Noddy. I am confused. I thought I didn't care for the "other" woman, but when I saw her today, I felt different. Still, I chose to pretend I was busy. I'll talk to her tomorrow. As of this exact moment, I feel I want out of my marriage. Monday marks exactly 8 years since we went out on our first date. Again, I am confused.
I haven't posted here in a while.
I am not perhaps as blastingly decided against anyone in marriage venturing elsewhere, as many here attest for themselves and others.. Mostly I agree with the No contingent -- but not always all times.
I don't know enough to advise you much less your wife.
The only possibly useful info I have is for both of you to figure out all the levels of resentment you have, and all the connections you feel, both write them all down, and then just talk and talk. If you break up, you'll understand each other better and will not have to just cut a chunk out of either of your lives. You'll see it as a starting situation for the rest of your life, a way to move on. We don't always move on in pairs - and in many ways it is good to spend time not being part of a pair, as you discover more about yourself.
Quote:I got my wife to concede that she'd probably leave if she still had a full time job.
**** man, so what does that mean, she's just planning on dumping you after she's done with grad school and the young years of your life are spent?
stuh505 wrote:Quote:I got my wife to concede that she'd probably leave if she still had a full time job.
**** man, so what does that mean, she's just planning on dumping you after she's done with grad school and the young years of your life are spent?
She's changed her tune since saying that
Chapter One: My marriage is dead....or dying...or something....
Chapter Two: I miss loving and being loved.
Chapter Three: I'm going to spend some innocent evenings with an attractive member of the opposite sex.
Chapter Four: I never mean for this to happen?
Keep in mind, Sarge, you're vulnerable right now. You're starved for frivolity and affection; you've admitted your needs and you're seeing other women....
UPDATE--I went out with a buddy last night. The other woman wanted me to meet up with her and her friends. Of course, she had a guy friend drive her out. She got pissed when I told her that I wouldn't hang with her last night. My buddy and I hung out at another club. Just 5 days until Daytona!!!!!!!!!
what chick-related-yet-perfectly-innocent thing happens in Daytona?
That's what the other woman keeps saying to me. Hey, I like to flirt, but I can hold back when push comes to shove.
Play with fire and your going to get burned.
I have been playing with fire for years and I've yet to get burned..like I said, I have self control.
Sarge--
Your a big boy.
Just don't start talking about "soulmates" and "destined relationships" until after you're divorce.
No one said I am getting divorced...BTW, I head to Daytona Beach on Friday!!!!!!!!!
Wow, how times have changed. I am still married, albeit we have our times. Right after my trip to Daytona, the relationship nearly ended. I wanted out, she didn't. She prevailed. The co-worker and I never developed into anything. We were shoulders to cry on for each other. I truly think I'll be with my wife forever.
