My Story

Hey Sarge,

Let me add something random to this thread - something that I don't think has been said yet (although I haven't fully read the other responses). You're not the first guy to say "gee, I regret not living it up as a bachelor before settling down." It's a common statement, but it doesn't make much sense. Pretty much every married guy (me included) fantasizes about living it up as a bachelor, having sex with other women, etc. Many of us don't act on it, which is usually or always for the better, but the idea has lasting appeal for two primary reasons: 1. We're horny, and sexual/romantic novelty is fun (that's pretty simple); and 2. We want the ego boost of knowing that other women still find us attractive. These two factors are constants for almost everyone. Neither depends (in any way) on how we led our lives at 21. In other words: no, you can't get it out of your system, and no, the memories of sexual promiscuity at 21 don't mean jack when you're 27. Your problems today wouldn't be any different if you had been a wild and crazy bachelor for twenty years before settling down.

Anyway, carry on, and good luck. That's all I intend to add.

0 Replies

We'll see how she scored on her test Wednesday. Last night, Iwent out with my buddy. I am pretty bold about going up to woman and striking up a conversation. We hung with three woman for about two hours. I actually slow danced with one girl at the end of the night. Like me, she's in a LTR that's she's uphappy with. It felt great. I really don't know where I am in my current relationship.

NOTE: someone asked the origin of my name. It's my rank(Sergeant) at my job Wink

0 Replies

UPDATE--

Went out after work last night. What a night. I did my usual flirting. I had one female co-worker get me on the subject of one night stand. She's 45. She finally told me she hadn't had sex in 3 years. I was in no way physically attacted to her, but it was almost tempting.

Another female friend was out last night. Her and I both conceded to each other that we were married. I had no idea about her, but she should have saw my ring. I always wear mine she never wears hers. She attracts a lot of male attention. IN the midst of conversation, I told her I'd never hit on her. She asked if that's how I wanted it. It caught me off guard. I said to her we'd talk about it next week. She said ok.

I know now what I am likely doing. Come December, I will suggest to my wife that we split up. Clearly, my mind isn't into marriage right now. I intend on dating no one seriously. When I do care for someone next time,I will not sleep with her. I want to build respect first.

BTW--the wife passed her open book test.

0 Replies

TheSarge wrote:

UPDATE--

Went out after work last night. What a night. I did my usual flirting. I had one female co-worker get me on the subject of one night stand. She's 45. She finally told me she hadn't had sex in 3 years. I was in no way physically attacted to her, but it was almost tempting. She told me if I wanted it, it was mine. No strings. She knows my situation.

Another female friend was out last night. Her and I both conceded to each other that we were married. I had no idea about her, but she should have saw my ring. I always wear mine she never wears hers. She attracts a lot of male attention. IN the midst of conversation, I told her I'd never hit on her. She asked if that's how I wanted it. It caught me off guard. I said to her we'd talk about it next week. She said ok.

I know now what I am likely doing. Come December, I will suggest to my wife that we split up. Clearly, my mind isn't into marriage right now. I intend on dating no one seriously. When I do care for someone next time,I will not sleep with her. I want to build respect first.

BTW--the wife passed her open book test.

0 Replies

Sarge--

I was glad for the update to your update. You may be unhappy and exploited, but you're in a marriage, not a LTA.

"Be sure you're off with the old love
Before you're on with the new."

Why are you waiting until December?

0 Replies

I realize I am in a marriage. Still, I am attracted to other woman. I am waiting for December until she has no more classes to take. She's stressed out as it is. Her and I have conceded that we'll address it in December.

0 Replies

As long both of you are aware of a December deadline.

Even a bad marriage should end in honor.

0 Replies

Noddy24 wrote:

As long both of you are aware of a December deadline.

Even a bad marriage should end in honor.

Right now, I am not sure where I am. I am so confused.

0 Replies

Sarge--

Do you believe that marriage vows are taken for life? Does your wife?

0 Replies

I USED to believe vows were for life. That said, I have an opportunity to hang with someone (as friends) tonight. She just broke up with her husband. We both get off at 11pm. Another chick would be going with us. I sort of have feelings for this girl. I know what the right thing to do is, but I am not sure what I'll end up doing. I have no plans of sleeping with her or anything. But, I know it's wrong considering how I feel.

0 Replies

The only way of never having to worry about being ashamed of yourself is by not putting yourself in situations that challenge you to do things you know you shouldn't do.

You have to look at your face in the mirror tomorrow morning, and the morning after that and the morning after that. You know what the right thing to do is, so do it.

0 Replies

The girl I am attracted to and I went out alone this evening. We did so as friends. We talked a lot. She said she wouldn't get involved with me while I was married. We have so much in common. We agreed to hang out again informally. THe night ended with a long hugs and a kiss on the lips. I called my wife prior to going out. She seemed fine that I was going out with co-workers. Of course, she assumed they were male. When I got home, she questioned why I would go out knowing I have to work the next morning.

JUst when things were getting complicated, they get even worse.

0 Replies

Sarge, you're the reason mothers tell their daughters to stay away from men in the military. Laughing

It pretty much sounds like you've given up on the marriage tho. Is that an accurate observation, would you say?

0 Replies

Sarge, you think you're doing your wife a big favor by not cutting the ties until December. So in the meantime you're starting to get involved with other women. Don't tell me you hug and kiss all your friends on the lips. And don't tell me she isn't willing to get involved with you while you're still married. You both crossed that line last night. If you want to maintain any sense of self dignity through all this quit lying to your wife, quit seeing other women while you're still pretending to be in a marriage, and quit telling yourself your doing the honorable thing by not leaving until December.

0 Replies

I told my wife how I feel today. She isn't happy, but I feel a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I don't think I crossed the line by kissing my friend. If we french kissed, maybe. Like I said, she made it CLEAR she has no intention of getting with me.

0 Replies

BTW, I never said I am doing a honorable thing.

0 Replies

TheSarge--

Quote:

JUst when things were getting complicated, they get even worse.

Just remember, you are not a Helpless Pawn of Malign Fate. You are a man making choices.

Quote:

I told my wife how I feel today. She isn't happy, but I feel a weight's been lifted off my shoulders. I don't think I crossed the line by kissing my friend. If we french kissed, maybe

The lines for Marital Fidelity aren't clear cut like the end zone of a football field. You crossed the line when you went out with another woman.

Talking honestly with your wife about your feelings was an excellent step. End your marriage honorably--then start exploring the dating world.

Good luck.

0 Replies

How did I cross the line? I didn't think going out with a co-worker constituted infidelity. As for the hug, no problem. As for the kiss, maybe that's borderline. It was really innocent. Still, she made it clear that we'd not date unless something happened in my marriage. She did say she wants to "hang" with me again soon. We talked again today for about 45 minutes.

My wife is begging me to work things out. She understands I am confused. I definately am. We did concede we are different people.

0 Replies

Sarge--

Quote:

The girl I am attracted to and I went out alone this evening.

You talked about a relationship with this girl. You were flirting with infidelity

Quote:

She did say she wants to "hang" with me again soon. We talked again today for about 45 minutes

She doesn't want to date--she wants to "hang" with you.

Having an extra-marital affair is a lot more difficult if you don't put yourself in the way of temptation. You know you're restless. You find this woman attractive. You're looking forward to spending time alone with her.

Usually it is the guilt-ridden other woman who insists, "But we never wanted this to happen."

Be sure you're off with the old love
Before you're on with the new.

0 Replies

I don't wish to sleep with this other woman...We talked about that. She said she wouldn't anyway. I respect that about her. I truly believe she means what she says. Her husband cheated on her.

I don't think I can flirt with infidelity if the other girl and I agree we will not do anything. We'll be hanging out again, with a large group, tomorrow evening.

0 Replies

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know