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My secret I can never tell, my one desire

 
 
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 08:26 am
OK, I know I post alot about different guys, but hey I am young... But this will probably be my most serious post out of them all...

Ok, well one of my best friends is a guy, we have been friends for 6 years... he gives me advice on life, love, everything... he knows me better than any other guy does.... he almost knows me better than myself... he challenges me and makes me think... he tries to protect me from getting emotionally hurt, and he is Always there when I need him, Always...

We have always said that we would be the two people in this world that would never "hook-up" or be together but we have always flirted back and forth.... lately I have been seeing alot more of him and learning alot more about myself.... Everything that I have posted on A2K he knows about, we have discussed every topic and he has given me great advice... but this is the one thing I can not tell him

You see I have always had feelings for him, those more than friends feelings, those crazy I want you feelings... maybe it is just because he is my best guy friend and he is just so good to me, maybe he just fills that void and I am mistaking it for something it is not... but I am not sure

I wish more than anything I could tell him that I care about him alot, but I never can, I could never ruin our friendship... that is the last thing I want to do... but I always wonder, what if...

Well lately, like I said, we have been seeing alot more of each other... and now I am going crazy... I know I have all these guys that like me or guys that I want to get to know, but I can't stop thinking about him, he has been in the back of my mind this whole time, his words echoing off my mind and it is driving me insane...

So I just had to get this off my chest badly.. knowing that I can never let him know but waiting for the day that it may be all right... and the thing is if I ever did tell him, he'd do one of two things, either confess he too has secretly liked me for so long or just brush it off...

I mean this is the boy that took me to my senior prom because I called him two days before and asked him (my date had backed out on me, literally 2 days before prom)... and he dropped everything and came with me... he even may have upset his girlfriend at the time a little.... and I had the best time that night... he made me dance, literally, he picked me up, carried me onto the dance floor and made me dance... i had never laughed so much in my life... it was the best senior prom I could have asked for

Ok, I am rambling now... so this is nothing at all, just some stupid feelings that i have ad bottled inside for Oh, at least 3 years... Nothing at all
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Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 08:42 am
If he knows everything you write in A2K...he knows!

It is no longer a secret.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 08:45 am
Frank Apisa wrote:
If he knows everything you write in A2K...he knows!

It is no longer a secret.


I mean I tell him everything, lol... he doesn't know about A2k... he has never seen this place... I am just saying what I post here I also discuss with him Laughing

Sorry for the confusion
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Frank Apisa
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 08:55 am
MY GUESS:

He knows anyway.

We all know when someone feels that special something for us.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 08:58 am
Frank Apisa wrote:
MY GUESS:

He knows anyway.

We all know when someone feels that special something for us.


Well then my gut would say he may have feelings for me too.... so I don't know.. the way he acts around me.... Errr.... For Example went over there last night and he always gives me a hug before I leave, just a habit of ours... but we were on his steps and I started falling during the hug, but we hugged, yet he had me catch my balance and hug me again, and the other day he kissed me on the cheek... again probably nothing but a friendly hi or bye... but still... I don't know... When our eyes catch sometimes I see it...

But like I said, it is nothing at all, just a crush
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Lord Ellpus
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:16 am
He L-E-R-V-E-S you!



Be straight with him. People who know each other very well, normally have a succesful relationship. There are no nasty surprises on either side.

He probably doesn't think he stands a chance, or thinks HE will ruin everything by opening up.

Put him out of his misery.
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DrewDad
 
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Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:17 am
A six year relationship is more than a crush, IMO. Not that I have advice for you, since I think you're performing the risk/reward analysis pretty thoroughly.
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:22 am
Lord Ellpus wrote:
He L-E-R-V-E-S you!



Be straight with him. People who know each other very well, normally have a succesful relationship. There are no nasty surprises on either side.

He probably doesn't think he stands a chance, or thinks HE will ruin everything by opening up.

Put him out of his misery.


As much as I would love that to happen, I just can't. he is the only guy that I'd be too nervous to approach like that, because he would probably be the only rejection that would really crush me... Plus the last thing he would want is to be tied down to someone, he has so many girls that he "has relations" with... another words, 3 different girls a week... but none of them mean anything to him, just sex... (like I said we talk about everything)... he is too busy having fun and being young right now, which I don't blame him....
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:26 am
DrewDad wrote:
A six year relationship is more than a crush, IMO. Not that I have advice for you, since I think you're performing the risk/reward analysis pretty thoroughly.


Somedays it is more than a crush and others he is just my best friend... I have mixed feelings for him, always have

And as great of a reward it would be, I don't want to take the risk, I value our friendship very much... though I'd rather go on knowing whether it could have happened or not but I will settle for wondering as of right now, besides it is nice to dream.... and he is younger than me too... but I always forget that... he is a year and a half younger than me... I usually almost never like younger guys
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 09:31 am
Here is something I can use as an example, we were at the pool hall the other night and I was checking out this guy right in front of him and he started pointing out every flaw the guy had and asked what I saw in him... he even said the guy had a funny shaped head (I thought this guy was pretty hott myself)....

And the other night when I was at his house with my friend Stacey, as she was leaving he just put his head on my shoulder, shut his eyes and chilled (she saw that and was like Awwww.. ok girly moment, sorry)... and then when I was leaving he gave me his usual hug and said something under his breath... but I couldn't understand it and ignored it but I swear I heard him say something but I doubt it... I am not even going to say what I think I heard...

And when I talked to him about the other guy I gave my number to and I told him how I think he likes me because he seemed interested and how he shook my hand he was like, nope he's not interested.. I don't want to see you get your hopes up... definately not interested...

So what is up with that, is that normal things that best friends of the opposite sex do??
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 11:54 am
Now I am happy, I get to call him later and tell him how wrong he was!!!
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CarbonSystem
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 01:33 pm
I think you definitly live up to your name of CrazieLady:) But really, I think that he probably does want you secretly. Just approach him, or at least ask him what he said under his breath.
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 01:34 pm
Awww, how cute Razz

When I look in my magic ball, I see good things in the future for a CrazyLady concerning a certain fellow....hmm...yes, very good Cool
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CarbonSystem
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 02:02 pm
Don't let him slip away if you feel that way, you wouldn't want to make the biggest mistake of your life, now would you?
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 02:51 pm
I will know when it is time to tell him, but now is not the time... but I will probably say that forever... like I said I am too scared to ruin the friendship that we have.... no matter how much my insides are screaming tell him
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 02:52 pm
flushd wrote:
Awww, how cute Razz

When I look in my magic ball, I see good things in the future for a CrazyLady concerning a certain fellow....hmm...yes, very good Cool


does your magic ball say anything about me winning the lottery??? Laughing
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flushd
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 03:23 pm
Hmmm, well....yes!!!

You will win; but only if you send the 200.00 in lotto money to me. I will buy the tickets for you. Go, now!! Start making out that check!! Guaranteed sucess!!!
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Crazielady420
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 03:25 pm
flushd wrote:
Hmmm, well....yes!!!

You will win; but only if you send the 200.00 in lotto money to me. I will buy the tickets for you. Go, now!! Start making out that check!! Guaranteed sucess!!!


Let me get right on that chief!!! Laughing
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littlek
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 05:35 pm
Wow, this is all so damned cute!

Crazie, tell him. Tell him you want him when he's ready to commit to one woman. Meanwhile, you stay friends. That way he can have an out and you can have gotten it off your chest.
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BorisKitten
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Sep, 2005 07:56 pm
Echoing LittleK... tell him, and give him an out in the same breath.

Too much worry and anxiety for you in the meantime!

Enjoy more, think less.
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