There's a white spot on my cervix

flushd, I SO appreciate your telling your story here. Each and every reply telling me of positive results gives me a little ray of hope. Hope is so important (I think) with this sort of thing.

I've really been working hard on not Freaking Out completely. I've succeeded to some extent, but of course I'm still pretty, well, worried.

I should get my PAP results right around my Gyn appointment time, since it's supposed to take 7 days to get results. I guess at this point I'll be really surprised if the PAP is negative.

My big worry at this point is that no one has looked inside my cervix yet. I can't help but wonder what the heck is in there.

Thanks so much for speaking of your experience. It helps so much!

You sweet thing you!

Yep, I think afternoon appointments run later than morning ones. I plan on bringing a bit of knitting or embroidery with me, which helps me a lot.

The only good news so far is that I've been smoking a LOT LESS. I plan on quitting smoking once I feel just a tiny bit more calm. I've quit before, once for 1.5 years, and felt a great deal better for it. But I recall how screaming hard it was. I remember at one point I thought my head would simply burst!

I'll be starting a thread about quitting smoking once I do it... I imagine I'll be posting A LOT about it!

Last time I quit, I was surprised how much I was helped by "smoking" a cigaret-length straw... I took them with me everywhere I went for many months.

Anyway, Thank You, Noddy.

Thank you so much, Lady J. It helps so much just knowing people care about what happens to me.

You know, my delightful friends, I've talked constantly about this here on A2K, but not at all to "real-life" friends. Most of my friends are more like acquaintances, and I just don't feel comfy saying "By the way, there's a white spot on my cervix...."

I've already pretty much poured my heart out here on A2K, much more than with local people, on a huge variety of topics. Many of you know me better than any local friends.

Sorry if I sound all sappy... I love you. Really.

This is what friends are for. We support each other though the rough times and celebrate with each other through the joyous times. And in the between times, we know without saying that we really are loved and really are cared about by our circle of friends here.

Woof. Here to offer support.

I'll definitely be thinking of you, and not just on Tuesday. <hugs>

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I've had you in my thoughts all weekend and just wanted you to know.

Ditto. I hope you're doing ok today

Sitting in with the sisters, sending good thoughts down toward BorisKitten.

Me too..... sitting and thinking.

Yup! Hopefully you're having a relaxing evening somewhere.

We'll all be thinking of you tomorrow afternoon.

Hold your dominion.

My friends, you warm my heart with your good wishes.

I'm frightened, really, and wish I could just forget about the whole thing, pretending it never happened, but of course I can't.

Hubby will be taking off work early to meet me at the Gyn's this afternoon. I'll be really glad to have him there.

I think I already whined about his going out of town for a week starting Thursday morning. It's for his parents' 50th wedding anniversary, something that doesn't happen every day.

He doesn't really want to go, given our new worries, but of course we got the plane tickets over a month ago, so he may as well use them.

Yesterday (OK, I'm starting to ramble here), I took my bicycle to one of our (many) Wildlife Management Areas, just to ride around.

It started to rain while I was riding about... the rain isn't cold here, and it wasn't raining hard... after a bit of feeling sorry for myself I realized I could smell the most delightful, soft, lemony scent rising from some plants (don't know what), intensified because of the rain.

I found it wonderfully soothing, even uplifting. One of those rare moments when I was actually Present, just enjoying what was happening and being in the moment. I felt lucky to be alive.

Last night I wandered about the yard, finally sitting under some trees. My little cat Binky, who's 12 now (I've had him since kittenhood), followed me about and came and sat with me. Purring. That was nice too.

One thing I've been thinking... we never know when we are going to die. We only know that, like all over living things, we will die. There's a strange comfort in this.

I could very well have cancer, become very ill, then be run over by a beer truck while crossing the street one day.

Some of you already know, my sister was killed by a drunk driver when she was 19. She was driving through a green light, the drunk driver ran the red light, hit the driver's side door, and killed her.

I was 17 at the time. We were very close. We even held hands in public (someone once called us "lesbians" because of this!)

How many times have we each driven through a green light? How often do we remember, we are risking our lives every time we do so?

Knowing we will die, not knowing how or when, can make life all the more precious, even miraculous.

Breathe deeply of life; it may end today.

Thank you all so much for thinking of me.

( big hugs)

hopefully, it will just be a spot of lint.. and nothing else.

Sending out good vibes to BK.

We're thinking of you.

Hold your dominion.

Teehee Shewolf! It's crossed my mind... maybe just a Really Stray piece of toilet paper????

BK, I am thinking of you! Sending happy cervix thoughts!

Happy cervix thoughts???

that made me laugh out loud!!!

I am reading the book called " The art of Happiness"..
there is a paragraph in there about people who do discover they have life threatning illnesses and some great words from the Dalai Lama on that situation..
i am going to run upstairs and get it.
I think it may be helpful for you to hear.

not saying YOU have anything.. but it helps to hear a diffrent perspective in times like this I think,

Good luck today BK.

Thinking of you.