Me my life and I - HELP!

Renegotiate pay so you continue to earn 100 percent of what you're earning now. c.i.

Set you fee littlek for both of them and let them decide. If they both meet your terms then you pick the one you would like best. If neither family meets your terms move on to another better paying job.

Cic - can't do that. It's not an option for either family. Each just bought a new house in the burbs. Each thinks they are being too generous to me already.

JD - It's unreasonable to expect them to double my pay with thaddition of a second child. Another job.... maybe.

Well littlek their financial problems are not yours. Now after these two or three years I feel I can say you have considerable skills and talents that would enhance any child in you presence and that you can easily find work else where and for more money.

One thing women are not very good at, some women are of course, is negotiating the true value of the work that they do. For example what is the difference between a truck driver and a word processor? The money they earn - one employee delivers goods and the other information. And of course there is that teamster deal going on.

But think of your self as a valuable asset and think about them counting on you to cave in because that's what they think women do.

The real secret of negotiating is knowing what you want, i.e., setting your value (salary) and then making that perfectly clear to them. You have to mean it and believe in your self and I guarantee they will give you exactly what you ask for.

Setting the attainable goal you can live with is the hard part. Once you know that they will know it and give you what you want, need, and deserve. It is hard but once you get used to it you will like it and it works every time.

Kris, what about if you meet with both mothers and make them face your conditions as JD proposes and let them discuss their desired schedules between themselves to see whether they can 'share you' (esp. your sister should concede a bit) and that way maybe you can make more $$ than you do now, although it would be much more work also. But think about your benefits and retirement stuff too. Perhaps in the end it would really be better for you to be 'officially' employed, through an agency or whatnot. You come first and they have to adjust to you, although it is difficult to negotiate if you work for direct relatives.

Huggers Dagger.....see u changed that funny pic....LOL

I'm with everyone else, k.

Their new house and extra child and attendant extra expenses needn't come out of your end.

It would probably be the toughest to strong-arm family into a raise, so start with the unrelated one. They don't have to double your pay, but a reasonable increase in responsibility should come with an equivalent compensatory one.

If they won't come with the extra cash, then be prepared to go nanny for someone else. You have good references.

Ketamine, I see you changed your username?

Not so much their finances that I'm talking about. It's standard to pay only a little more with a second child. I could make a few dollars more than I do an hour, with my experience, but that's not enough.

I already did sit the mothers down and explain it to them last year when I thought they weren't each paying me enough. I got raises then.

Dag's got one option I've considered in her post. Leave both families and work through an agency. I'd have to get good references from the two families I left in a crises. I would have taxes taken out, but I'd have benefits paid for.... it's an option.

littlek

You need to do what's best for YOU. Obviously you've done a great job for both of these families to date but they need to understand that you can't just adjust your life (& your finances) to suit their needs.
What do YOU want next?
Have you given any extra thought to that teaching option? I think you'd be a natural!

One thing I notice is that this all seems to be a ways in the future -- kid has to arrive first, ("within a year"... is anyone pregnant yet?), maternity leave has to be used up first, it looks like we're talking a ways down the line.

So, since the decision doesn't have to be made any time too soon, I think you really do have the luxury of figuring out what you want to do and pursuing that. Like the teaching thing!

I understand this has got to be more complicated because of the aspect of the personal relationship with the kids, and the feeling of not wanting to let anyone down. I agree that you really really need to do what YOU want to do, though. And you will get to have a relationship with your niece no matter what.

Good Qs MsOlga. I talked with my bro-in-law about teaching. I never have checked it out at the school nearby. But, once the funding for the schools systems (lower and higher ed) got cut for the third in a year this winter, I figured now isn't the time to hit anyone up for a low-cost education. I know I KNOW I should just go and ask.....

So, as I said - that was just my job. It gets a bit more complicated. Sis wants me to move into her big new suburban house to help us both out financially. And it would help financially. But gawd no! I don't wanna!

Those are actually valid concerns, littlek. There was a thing in the NYT today about just that, in California. (Budget cuts undermining programs geared at getting new teachers.) But yeah, worth investigating.

Whether they have programs that would be a good fit for you or not, what do you WANT to do? When you think of being a nanny for another 5 years, how does that make you feel? Is there anything that makes you go "oooooh, if only..."

Oh don't don't don't the living together thing blech no.

Ahem.

Just my opinion, based on my own visceral reaction and what youve said about your relationship with your sister.

Hey, littlek!
Make that phone call today! Can't do any harm, can it? And then you'd know definitely whether it's an option or not. (I hope it IS a possibility!)

littlek, I'm with msolga. You must do what's best for you. That's the bottom line as far as I'm concerned. Nobody will take care of you better than yourself. It's one thing if you're independently wealthy, and $$$ is not a consideration, but you must think about your future too. Trust me on this one. c.i.

Soz, in MA there is free tuition for people going into special ed, especially for the blind (I think). I'm not sure I'd go that route. I definitely don't want to nanny for the long term. It was to be a transitional thing. The idea I have now, nothing makes me go "oooooh", is to teach the school year and do landscaping during the summer. It'd over-lap a bit in the spring, but it could work.

I don't even know how to phrase the questions I have MsOlga. And, it'll have to wait til tomorrow.....

Yep, cic, I am the only one in charge of my future and as it stands now, I'd better die immediately upon retiring.