3
   

Did I make a mistake by telling my ex's girlfriend he's a cheater?

 
 
Mon 9 Sep, 2024 05:29 pm
Four years ago I left a very toxic relationship with a very flawed man. He cheated on me as "revenge", he lied about many things, put me down, etc. We were together for four years. I have had an extremely hard time moving on from him for a variety of reasons that mostly boil down to me not loving myself, and being traumatized. I'm working on that.

Last year I ended up seeing him, we slept together, I cried a lot. I'm not proud of seeing him, but in a weird way it actually really helped me move on because I saw he still sucked as a person. Even the sex was bad which it never was previously.

Six months after that encounter I found out he had a girlfriend while I was with him. I called him out for it, he gave me the usual excuses despite her having a "happy one year anniversary!" post on her IG. At the time I was hurting and recovering from an egg freezing procedure and I did not reach out to her.

It's been nine months since I called him out. I have covid right now and this morning, filled with frustration and anger at the world and at cheating men in general, I created a fake IG account and had ChatGPT write a message in her language, telling her that he was a womanizer and to be careful. I sent it.

I am extremely afraid of his retaliation. I have a gut feeling he will know it is me. I don't know why I feel so sick to my stomach. I have felt bad for months about not telling her, and now I feel bad about telling her after all this time. Maybe they are happy and he's figured out his issues and I'm hurting a good relationship? For some dumb reason I do want him to be okay. And I want her to be happy, whoever she is.

Any anticipation that he might reach out to me and tear me apart fills me with dread and anxiety. He is on another continent and cannot physically hurt me, but mentally/emotionally he really can. I am afraid he will tell all of his friends and they will judge me, even though I no longer keep in contact with any of them.. I don't know why I feel this way. I would really appreciate reassurance that this was the right decision.
 
jespah
 
  5  
Mon 9 Sep, 2024 06:36 pm
@traumatizedntrying,
It wasn't.

She likely has an idea that he's a jerk although she may not know the specifics. Or maybe she knows all the specifics and still chooses to be with him. That's her issue. It's not yours. Either way, she didn't need to hear from you in order to make relationship decisions for herself.

Usually, when someone gets this kind of message from a bf/gf/husband/wife's ex, the first thought is that the sender has an axe to grind. And you do/did. But you weren't doing this to help her out in a show of sisterhood. You were doing this to try to feel better about yourself.

Don't do that.

I sincerely hope you are getting therapy. You're not in a position to just heal yourself magically, at least not from what I am seeing (IANAD).

You're giving him rent-free space in your head. You're worried about what he'll say, etc. You're even worried about his friends judging you, and they are how many hundreds if not thousands of miles away? That's like the mayor of a small town on the other side of the world being worried that you aren't voting for them.

I strongly encourage you to work with a therapist. And if you are already, that's great! But give it more time.

And if this guy comes around looking for another booty call in the future, tell him where to step off.
0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

Depression after night together - Question by Missing-my-lover
My life turned into a movie.. - Discussion by Lossst
Cheating with controlling man - Question by Cpdgirl1622
is this an affair? - Question by jackieo1206
cheating - Question by jayn
My wife cheated - Discussion by Joe beach
cheating on my husband and confused - Question by blacktea
 
  1. Forums
  2. » Did I make a mistake by telling my ex's girlfriend he's a cheater?
Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.04 seconds on 10/11/2024 at 01:59:14