How would you deal with silence after an argument?

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Me and my husband have been married for 8 years. I am 32 years old and and he is 33.

Recently my husband and I had an argument. Recently he withdrew $1000 from our joint bank accounts.

I asked him about it and he told me that him and his 3 best friends booked a 3 week trip to Singapore for next month. They are each contributing for this trip.

I was mad at him because next month, on September 5th, it's our marriage anniversary and I was hoping to spent it with him. I pointed that out to him and he responded by saying that him and his long time best friends haven't seing each other in awhile and they wanted to take a trip together. I reacted calmy and said that there is nothing wrong with going on a getaway with his friends and That money is not the issue but it's the fact that he doesn't communicate with me.

He sort of got angry for a moment and said " well I shouldn't have to ask permission before I do what I want to do. Remember i am a grown adult, I work very hard to make MY money so I deserve to treat myself with a nice vacation from time to time and you don't get to tell me what I can and can't do because for all the years that we have been together, I never leached off you so can piss off now.

I was speachless and didn't know what to say because he doesn't usually fly off the handle like that.

I told him that he needs to calm down and that I have no problem with him taking the trip and I wasn't trying to control him line he is my kid but In marriage we communicate.

He responded with 'ok then. Sorry. Can we stop with this petty fight now ?

I agreed to stop fighting and I didn't want anymore conflict to keep the peace.

This fight happened 4 days ago and he is been cordial and civil with me but sort of distant. He gives one word answer when I ask him how his day was or other things and he is been reading his book a lot more often and pays little to no attention to me. When I walk in and out of the room while he is reading his book, he doesn't even glance at me. And before going to bed, he tell me goodnight but in a very dry manner and even when he kisses me, it's just a little peck.

How would you deal with that ?

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Type: Discussion • Score: 7 • Views: 1,846 • Replies: 11

[+4] - CalamityJane - 08/17/2023Are you sure that he's going on a trip with this guy friends? His behavior is way over the top and uncalled for. Only someone who had been caught in a lie will act this way. First of all, set...

@anitaG11,

hmm

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@anitaG11,

Are you sure that he's going on a trip with this guy friends? His behavior is way over the top and uncalled for. Only someone who had been caught in a lie will act this way.
First of all, set up an account for yourself only - leave the joint account as is, but don't add any of your money to it. If you don't work and have no other means of income you still should open an account and add $100 every month into the account. This will safeguard yourself from your husband raiding the joint account.

Something is up other than the trip he has planned with his friends. Try to find out as much as you can - which airline he's flying with, where he's staying and
so forth. If you know his friends try to find out from their wives what's going on.

Regardless, his behavior seems very suspicious and uncalled for and you should be prepared for some more.

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@anitaG11,

Well, you definitely handled it way differently than what I would have said. It would go something like this:

Listen very closely because I will not repeat myself. I am not your emotional punching bag. You will not speak to me in a manner that's disrespectful, condescending and mean as you just did. If you decide that you feel it necessary to speak to me in such terms as you just did, then I will no longer share my life with you. The End.

Oh, and yes, I mean every single word of it.

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You are on the D-List. He and his friends and what they want are more important than you, your anniversary and what you want.

Is that how you'd like to live your remaining years?

Take $1000 out of the joint account and spend it however you'd like.

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Let that dog sleep - you agreed to drop it. But I would pay close attention to what he does and how he does it, financially.

I would open my own account.

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@anitaG11,

Guys friends, huh? Something stinks of "strange"

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By following suit. Who needs further argument?

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@Medusax,

Oh, I don't know about that. My husband goes on a trip once a year with a bunch of buddies - sometimes it's fishing, sometimes it's golfing... but he certainly wouldn't do it in this manner, esp on our anniversary. Anyway, the OP doesn't seem to be around anymore.

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@Mame,

LOL! Yes, I remember my last relationship and his poker (poke her) games. Wink

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@anitaG11,

I suggest you communicate with your husband and try to understand his point of view. It's possible that he's feeling guilty for his outburst and is trying to avoid further conflict. It may also be helpful to plan a special celebration for your wedding anniversary that you both can look forward to after his trip with his friends. Discuss how you both can improve communication in the future and try to address any underlying issues that may be contributing to this distant behavior. Remember, marriage is all about communication and understanding each other's needs and wants.

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@anitaG11,

You still need to have one or more in-depth conversations with your husband

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How would you deal with silence after an argument?

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