I don't think of it as a lie.
You may not think of it as a lie, but you did not tell the truth; that is a lie no matter how you justify it.
I hate complaining and venting to other people. Especially women
First off, telling about your day is not complaining or venting. It can be, but if you give a narrative of your day, good or bad, that is communicating not complaining. Saying oh gosh my day sucked so bad I am amazed I got through it, is complaining/venting. After your wife asked how was your day and you answer, It was a bit scary. I almost got in an accident and tell her what happened, almost what you wrote here, is not complaining and venting, it is sharing your feelings and communicating.
Stating especially women, why? Women can be as strong as men emotionally. If you know your wife is more sensitive (this has more to do with who she is, not just because she is a women) then yes, you might want to make your narrative a bit less dramatic, but you still should communicate what happened and that for a moment it was pretty scary.
Obviously how you are handling things is not working. Your wife has come forward and voiced her feelings and concerns. If you do nothing about because of the way you are and feel, you may lose her.
To me, the subject of what you wrote here should be "How do I get over myself?" You are the one holding your relationship from progressing. Once you commit to someone, these things are not only your problem. You are a committed couple so anything impacting one of you, is your combined problem, else why even be a couple? You are being an individual.