So kicky, tell us about your last day. Did you say any sad goodbyes or did you just walk out at quitting time with a full-size satisfied smile?
My last day:
Woke up, walked to work. On about 70th and Madison, I walked right by Rick Fox, small forward for the LA Lakers...that was cool, yet humbling...realized that some people are just so good-looking, and in such perfect physical shape, that they are virtually another species. Realized with a touch of envy that I'll never get the kind of pussy that guy gets...still, pretty cool to just walk by a big star like that on the way to work, so I took it as a good sign...
Got to work. Screwed around, deleted incriminating e-mails wherein I had bitched about annoying co-workers in extremely vulgar fashion to friends, played online Scrabble, and generally felt nothing special all day, just wondering when boss would let me leave. At about 4:20 or so, I went in to my boss' office and asked him when I could leave, because my buddy had just called and said he was leaving work and was heading to Bryant Park...my boss was very understanding, and said, "just leave when you want! It's your last day! Don't worry about it!"
So I left at 4:30 and went to meet my buddy at the bar at Bryant Park. My co-workers showed up an hour later and we had a pretty good time. Most of my co-workers are dicks, but there are a couple of really good people. The good people stayed later than the dicks. That was nice. I talked to my now ex-boss for a little while, and he was VERY complimentary, making me think that even through all the frustration, I was still a pretty damned good worker. He really did give me much higher praise than I thought he would. I guess my behavior didn't take away from my work skills as much as I thought. That made me feel good. There were a couple of goodbyes that actually made me feel a little sad, but for the most part, none of it really hit me last night.
Today though, that's a different story.
Today, when I got up and went to the park with my friend, it hit me strong. I had a feeling of such complete relaxation...and not just a surface thing, but a deep feeling...not like some bullshit "I feel so happy" kind of thing. Because of this, my friend actually annoyed me a little bit, because I was not really in the mood for the same old BS today. I was thinking big picture life stuff, and he wanted to talk to me about the same old petty crap as always, like how hot some girl was, or the pitching woes of the Yankees...you know, mundane day-to-day crap. He is not a very deep person though, in general, so I forgave him and just let it slide. I was just in such a deeper place than that today, so I went off on my own for much of the day, just thinking. It was a beautiful day in many ways.
I let out a lot of involuntary deep, cathartic exhales today. I don't think I have ever felt this relaxed (or maybe it's relief--I'm not sure, exactly) before. I really do feel like I'm in a state that is as close to pure bliss and contentment as I've ever felt...wow, I didn't realize how good it would feel to free myself.
So, anyway, that's about it from Kickyworld today, the 4th of September, 2005.
I know the feeling you are describing, kicky. I've been there myself and while it is hard to describe, you did a very eloquent job of doing so.
Here's to your freedom, your future and your happiness, my friend!
It's good to hear the stress has lifted, Kicky. I hope you enjoy many more days and weeks of peace.
Wonderful, Kicky. And yes, writing is definitely among your skills.
A good day, a really good post on that good day.
I'm really happy for you Kicky. You deserve a life full of blissful days.
My 2 cents, Kicky, is that you are - I bet the two cents and raise you - fairly creative. I think if you are going to do a straightforward job or business that you'll be wanting to write or some damn thing.
It's a tricky choice if your job involves some modicum of creativity: you tend to want to relax after work. Which tends to frustrate your own creativity.
If it doesn't involve creativity at all, you'll crave it, and may often be too tired..
best deal is to really like what you do and whatever people you deal with, but you know that, what am I saying.
Wow.....I have missed all of this because of holiday, followed by very unfair work commitments.
Sorry I didnt congratulate you before now, Mr K.
Enjoy your period of idleness to the full....and savour every minute.
Good luck Kicky, and if you move to Florida, dont forget to start a "poll" thread on how much weight you'll gain over the following six months.
I have never seen food served in such massive portions!
Kicky - Glad to hear you are surfing Nirvana. It's a new day and a new life.
Lord L. - Sorry to say, those big portions are now an American way of life- which partly explains why US is the fattest nation on the planet and getting fatter every day. More apple pie anyone?
Kicky,
Are you alive, well and being productive?
Alive? Check.
Well? Check.
Being productive? Well, two out of three ain't bad. I'm moving in less than a week. After that, I'll start thinking about being productive again.
So, Kicky...what do you want to do with your life?....if you don't mind me asking
I've been asking myself that question for a long time, and I still don't have an answer, and I'm not sure I ever will...you know, they (whoever "they" are) say you should do something you love, but I don't have anything that I love, job-wise. So my philosophy is, "do something you don't hate." It's all I can hope for.
There are a couple of things I'm thinking of doing, but nothing written in stone yet. For some reason, becoming a realtor in some sunny climate (probably Florida, since I at least have some knowledge of some of it) seems to be the foremost idea in my mind right now. Or I will live in Rochester and drive a truck for a while. Or I will go to school to become a lab technician. I've already applied to a couple colleges for the spring semester.
Or...whatever. I don't know. Tonight I'm just feeling sad about leaving New York. I know that things will turn out alright for me, but with only four days left here, everything I do and every place I go just comes with the accompanying thought, "this is the last time I'll see this..." or "this is the last time I'll ever be here..."
It's just getting to me tonight. Aaah, crap.
Hey, don't feel bad about feeling bad. It's just life, ya know. Of course you're going to miss New York. I've never been to New York and you got to live there. How cool is that?
I've never been one to believe that there is a perfect career waiting for me. I've had a lot of jobs in my life and none of them were perfect. I always reach the point where I'm either going to quite or strangle someone. Sometimes it takes a year, sometimes 15.
I guess I'm being Debbie Downer. Sorry Kicky. Got my own issues.
I wish you well. Hope you find happiness in whatever you do.
Don't be sorry. Misery loves company.
What issues do you have? Anything you want to share? At any rate, I wish you well also, and thank you.
Stop me if I start to rant, OK? I have a great job. Really, I do. I just work with people who all hate each other. It's starting to get to me. Why do people have to be such assholes?
Kicky, how about taking some writing courses? Kafka worked as a civil servant while writing his best work.
What helped me decide on a new career was to make a list of what I loved to do: art, gardening, being outside, nature, socializing, - all stuff no one said I could make any money at. Well, once I thought about it I realized I could be a garden designer/landscaper. I did have to leave NYC (not enough private gardens or resources), and it was very hard getting started, but I kept trying until I found the formula that worked for me. While I pursued my new education I did other trivial things to support myself. I figured better to fail than never try.
You have to be practical about your likes and your talents (drinking and sex probably should not be on the list). If you want to post your list on a thread maybe someone here will come up with some career you haven't thought of.
lobster fisherman.
Thats a real mans job , and the closer I get to hanging it up, the more I look at lobster fishing as a trade that seems fullfilling.
I know a lobsterman from Downeast who used to be a pathologist in the NY state crime lab I know another one who was a Baltimore cop. Theres a whole bunch whod been computer geeks and said basicallywhat youd said, "lettem outsource this too"
Theyll never outsource lobster, and its wages are governed by what we will pay for the bugs.
I rest my case.
fresco painting. Theres another art that needs some stoking.
