The guy's an idiot but you still have to live with his mother.
Contact a lawyer and have him or her tell your wife what her son's rights are. Maybe he has some in the car, particularly if he's paid everything or almost everything.
This lawyer may also turn out to be a good choice for the guy's defense. If your stepson has $ then he should be paying for the lawyer. If he doesn't, then IIRC you and your wife have separate accounts. If so, then if she wants to foot the costs (likely in the thousands for a felony), then that's all on her. And she should be looking at stuff like this in the context of retirement.
Anyone with adult children is closer to retirement than not, and an expense in the thousands is not a good thing.
If you're protecting your assets now, fine. But are you protecting them for your retirement years? If you aren't (I am not a financial services expert), check into putting your money into an irrevocable trust.
This situation, forget the guy for a moment, this situation is going to come to a head eventually. Having a decent amount of money for retirement can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life when you're at your most vulnerable.
And in the age of Covid, a better assisted living or nursing home can potentially be the difference between having protection from a fatal disease, or not.
Yes, I'd bail him out.
You clearly have issues to being a step dad while thinking YOUR children are the GOAT. Let's face it: YOUR daughter had unprotected sex, got pregnant by a jerk and dumps the kid on you any time she feels like it. And you are perfectly ok with that.
So, ok Mr. Judgey McJudgerson, so your wife's kid has issues. And you are purposefully letting rot in jail. I'm not sure if you really understand the implications of being jailed for Domestic Violence.
Get him out of jail.
You're actually right about the car though. Here's a thought, help him pay it off so this isn't in dispute any more.You've thrown enough money at your own kid, it's time to help hers. That's IF you're actually Christian enough to help someone who needs it.
This all seems very bizarre to me, either someone is a flight risk/a danger to others or they're not.
If they're the former they should be remanded in custody, if not they should be released until the trial.
I don't see how paying x amount of dollars changes any of that.
Prisons aren't exactly drug free, over here the biggest problem is spice, supposedly a legal high substitute for cannabis.
It's no longer legal and it's nothing like cannabis, it's very powerful and very addictive.
The reason it's popular with prisoners and the homeless is because it's relatively cheap when compared to heroin and cocaine.
It's a very alien system, unless someone is a flight risk or a danger they're released.
People don't tend to spend very long in police cells unless it's something very serious and they need a long time to interrogate them.
Over here he would have been released after a couple of hours with conditions, usually staying in the same place, surrendering passports, staying away from the complainant and reporting to a designated policestation every day/week or whatever.
From what you're saying it doesn't sound if he was that violent, more a disagreement over who owns what.
Real violent offenders should not be released as they pose a risk.
And of course we don't have guns freely available.
I'm not saying mistakes don't get made but money is not a factor when deciding if someone should be bailed or remanded in custody.
FIRST OF ALL THIS IS NOT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER SO LET'S KEEP HER OUT OF IT. YES, SHE'S MADE MISTAKES BUT NOT ONCE HAVE I EVER SAID THAT MY DAUGHTER WAS BETTER THAN MY STEP SON.
I do not have issues being a step-parent, but I'm a firm believer in letting people deal with their own situations. He got himself into this. We have told him numerous of times to leave this girl alone and to stop running back to her playing with her feelings. We're not letting him rot in jail. He's been there all of maybe 16 hours. And it's not like she made up the charges. My wife said that there were witnesses to what was going on. Again, they were causing a scene at the apartment complex when she got there.
And what do you mean I've thrown enough money at my own kid? My daughter pays her own bills. She's never been in legal trouble so what are you basing that on? If you keep defending someone and bailing them out of every situation they get into then THEY will never figure things out for themselves. Every time they get into a pickle they're gonna come running to you for help. Sometimes you have to let someone figure things out for themselves. This isn't him needing help with a major car repair. This is him stringing his ex along then sleeping with several other women and he just got caught.
One point for me would be how old this kid is. If he's 16, then yes, I would bail him out and give him a stern talking-to, but if he's old enough to be in a relationship (however dysfunctional), then he's old enough to know better. I'd let him sweat it out.
I agree with you that actions have consequences and if he's getting bailed out, he's not facing those. Sometimes people have to hit bottom (not saying that's true in this case) before they learn to take responsibility for their actions. So, no, I don't think your stance is unreasonable.