I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND ANYMORE! PLEASE HELP

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This is really beginning to stress me out. I'm physically, mentally and emotionally TIRED! I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. We have a 1 year old son together. Everything was fine in the beginning (as it always is) but then after I had my baby I just felt that I don't need to have sex anymore. I've tried to keep the relationship together for the sake of our child but my God it is some work! I get frustrated everytime I have to deal with him, like I don't even like to see him, we don't live together but I see him almost everyday. I don't know what has happened but after I gave birth then my mother died of cervical cancer just 2 weeks after I just felt turned off thinking about sex with him. I just started to hate him and its really true that when you start hating someone everything they do becomes a problem. He also has some very "not nice ways" he lies about the stupidest things and always does this thing "if u mess up remember lots of girls out there want to be with me" like it's really annoying! I don't necessarily think it's my sex drive on a whole with all that has happened because I do fantasize about sex with other people. I'm just not physically attracted to him anymore. I always feel pressured into having sex with him and I don't know why he wants to have to sex with me because he tries so hard to turn me on and it NEVER works. I'm always dry and I never climax! I just basically lay there! I NEVER do work EVER! I don't even want to kiss him. He gets really annoying, he talks too much and lies about stupid things as I have stated before. Whenever I tell him I don't want to come over for sex he starts this big stupid arguement (I eventually will go) but he says some pretty mean stuff and I feel almost pressured into having sex with him. I cry myself to sleep, I cry during the day. I'm worried that no one will want me if I do end this relationship. I just don't know what to do anymore. It's really frustrating trying to put on a show for everyone else to think my life is perfect and really it's falling apart. I'm only 20 years old what should I really do? Please help

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Wow . . . birth of a baby at such a young age, the losing your mother, and now trying to please a man/child who you say you don't love any more.

Time to be a big girl. Let this loser go and develop yourself (career, financial picture, good mother) and take some time to learn how to spot a good, healthy man who will nurture you.

Think about going to grief counseling, too. Your mother's death is at the back of your mind and you need to deal with that.

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Quote:

Let this loser go and develop yourself

He is indeed a loser in tying his life and now his child to such a woman.

I feel sorry for the man and far more important the child who is gong to grow up without both his or her parents in the home.

You get married and then spend a few years making sure the relationship can last before bringing an innocent child into the world ideally.

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@cupiddd,

Quote:

This is really beginning to stress me out.

Just at the beginning? Nahh..wait 'til it's really gotten to be a problem!

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@cupiddd,

You need counseling, whether or not you want to make the relationship work.

Why? Because you need to talk to someone about the loss of your mother. The sexual side effects are only a part of it.

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I don't glame you, i don't want to have sex with your boyfriend any more, either.

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It's very unfortunate you had a child with this man.

Is he good about supporting the child?

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BTW

If you're continuing to have sex with this man, buy a good lubricant, like Astro Glide. Have sex when you're dry is painful and will tear and damage the tissue of your vagina. Insert some with your fingers around your vaginal opening and intead before sex. It may also help to pre-dialate yourself with a dildo so you're stretched out a little.

You should have to suffer through painful sex.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Quote:

You should have to suffer through painful sex.

That is the very least of her problems.

1 Reply

In evolutionary terms for women the average time to stop loving a man is 4 years which is the necessary time that takes a child to have less risk of dying, if the male is gone. Dopamine levels tend to drop around that time (passion) and be replaced with increasing serotonin (fraternal love, care). I would guesstimate that this is also a form for women to have children from several different male genotypes in order to help diversify their genetic surviving options with different choices of adaptation through different children with different male parents.

Your particular case might or might not include this variable I don't know for how long you have been with him but it also can be related with the death of your mother and other several specific factors in your relation that might have helped removing the passion early on. Whatever is the case you should put an end to the relation and be plain honest with your boyfriend if you don't love him any more.

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@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

Quote:
You should have to suffer through painful sex.

That is the very least of her problems.

Whoops, sorry. Meant SHOULDN'T have to suffer through painful sex.
Thanks for pointing out my error.

For what it's worth....having painful sex may very well be contributing to her relationship problems.

Dreading that someone is going to touch you because of pain shades your feelings in other ways.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Most definitely! He takes very good care of his child. Maybe that's why I stay, because I'm afraid my child will miss out or not get enough love or anything from him again if I leave.

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@cupiddd,

Would he still financially support and visit with his child if you ended the relationship?

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Now there's a bot if ever I saw one!

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@chai2,

Quote:

For what it's worth....having painful sex may very well be contributing to her relationship problems.

Give me a break have him go down on her for ten minutes and if she does not self lub. she is dead.

In any case, that sound like an excused and nothing more unless she have a medical problem.

Mind over body only go so far.

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@BillRM,

It's not a bad thing...to fall in love with me.

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@BillRM,

BillRM wrote:

Quote:
For what it's worth....having painful sex may very well be contributing to her relationship problems.

Give me a break have him go down on her for ten minutes and if she does not self lub. she is dead.

In any case, that sound like an excused and nothing more unless she have a medical problem.

Mind over body only go so far.

On the chance that what you said above was not as one would hope, in an extremely obvious way, a joke....and.....

On the behalf of every sentient being in the universe, I would like to present you with the A2K group facepalm.

http://www.allmotivated.com/pictures/Demotivational-pictures-mega_Facepalm.jpg

In fact, I present the following to you, from me personally...

http://underthegoldengnome.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/3stooges_face_palm.jpg

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Ok, in all seriousness.

For anyone who might be interested in the extent the pelvic floor of a woman, and the muscles surrounding and above it, influence the vagina, and if bound up, tensed can cause much pain regardless of "lubing", I present the following:

http://www.medivisuals.com/images/products/detail/202172_02X.jpg

http://www.netterimages.com/images/vpv/000/000/007/7235-0550x0475.jpg

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSS_2nJcCS7qpfOd7K02CBzr8BgDJS6DWGj3ReGK3iMqOxtYoHP

http://academicobgyn.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/arcus.png

It's not just a matter of "mucking around down there" and if she doesn't lube in 10 minutes, she's dead.

All those muscles, for various reasons, can tighten and bind with the fascia, and no amount of willing them to relax, will work.

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@cupiddd,

cupiddd wrote:

I'm physically, mentally and emotionally TIRED!

We have a 1 year old son together.

I just felt that I don't need to have sex anymore.

after I gave birth then my mother died of cervical cancer just 2 weeks after I just felt turned off thinking about sex with him.

he tries so hard to turn me on and it NEVER works. I'm always dry and I never climax!

I cry myself to sleep, I cry during the day.

Have you talked to a doctor about this? giving the timing of all of this, it sounds like you could possibly have some degree of depression (not unwarranted at all).

In the meantime, does your boyfriend take you out for dinner dates? does he take care of your child so you can get out with friends? do you have time for yourself to just enjoy yourself on your own?

You really need to take care of yourself.

The threats to leave by your boyfriend are one thing but they are not as important as your physical and mental health.

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I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND ANYMORE! PLEASE HELP

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