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What to do if he wants to look through my phone and its against what I believe?

 
 
Reply Tue 22 Jul, 2014 07:42 pm
Typical story... I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. We break up for 5 months and are now back together trying to work things out. The reason we broke up is irrelevant to the issue now. First before anything I must voice my opinion.. I believe that whatever is done while two people are broken up should not be held against them. Same applies even if your ex had sex with someone else while broken up. I would not hold that against him. Through out the 5 months that I was broken up with my ex I did converse and hang out with a guy from my past. Nothing was done besides hanging out and talking. Now that I am trying to work things out with my current boyfriend he feels as though he can hold this against me. Actually, he believes that anything done while broken up can be held against me. He believes that I'm lying about not doing anything else with this guy. He went as far as to tell me a story of a man who was getting cheating on and his wife denied it, the man found out anyways and went to the other man's house and stabbed him. The man is now waiting sentencing. My current boyfriend told me that he can see how that can happen. Now there is other things being said and he continues to accuse me of things. He asks me for this guys name and he says things like "You think I can't find out his name" or "Would if I go and ask him myself what really happened between you two?" I allowed him to ask me anything but I told him to never bring it up again if he forgave me. He is now saying that he wants to look through my phone. I didn't allow him to. Now I don't have anything to hide but I don't ever think it's okay to look through your significant other's phone to proof whether they are telling the truth. You should be able to trust them. If there is no trust then how are me and him suppose to work out little issues in our relationship. I also want to say that I don't his behavior about this is normal. Especially, because he, I feel like, is trying to manipulate and put fear in me. I need to see if behavior like this is normal from guys? Opinions? I've never had any guy react this way about something that happened while broken up.
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Tue 22 Jul, 2014 07:53 pm
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
ConfusedAndNEWLover wrote:
We break up for 5 months and are now back together trying to work things out.


why are you trying to get back together with a guy who has such significant trust issues. he has to work that out on his own.

I'd suggest that you move on with your own life without him. There are much more self-confident men out there.
Butrflynet
 
  4  
Reply Tue 22 Jul, 2014 08:29 pm
@ehBeth,
What she said.

You can do much better than him. Move on and don't look back. He sounds like the type that will have you back here complaining how untrusting and controlling he is and asking how to get untangled from him.

0 Replies
 
bobsal u1553115
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Jul, 2014 11:11 pm
Two things:
1. Don't do it.
2. Drop him. Yesterday.
glitterbag
 
  2  
Reply Wed 23 Jul, 2014 12:52 pm
@bobsal u1553115,
Ditto what the other three said.
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jul, 2014 07:49 pm
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
This is really not a confusing matter; like someone said, leave him two weeks ago.

0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Wed 23 Jul, 2014 10:32 pm
It's a huge trust violation, anybody that has to keep such close tabs on you is bad news. Imagine constantly assuaging every suspicion he dreams up 24/7. It's impossible to keep a control freak satisfied. Dump him now!!
0 Replies
 
knowledgeispower123
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Nov, 2014 11:30 pm
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
Way worse than wanting to look at your phone, is the fact that he's veiling a threat to harm or kill this ex boyfriend or you, if he gets frustrated enough. He's using fear to try to force you to do what he wants. GET OUT NOW!

Also I'd recomend a support system, and a safe place that he doesn't know about, if possible.
0 Replies
 
Lordyaswas
 
  3  
Reply Fri 21 Nov, 2014 02:02 am
I've got this horrible feeling that all these new members with the long, weird user names are one and the same person, just out for the fun of it all.

Just saying.
0 Replies
 
Eliusa
 
  1  
Reply Tue 25 Nov, 2014 09:48 am
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
I say if he was really nice and explained that he loves you but he really worry about that past stuff and if you can please, just for reassurance let him look - I would be fine with that.
But being pushy and nasty about it - no way.

However I am a believer that if you have nothing to hide - why to hide it?
I used to let my partner search all of my emails, phone, handbag...until I
started to have reason not to let him anymore.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2014 03:35 pm
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
I get the feeling that from your post you would on the normal side of things, sound very grounded and realistic in regards to what constitutes a relationship.

However, when you come on as ConfusedAndNEWLover.. You're making a bold statement right there perhaps hiding behind reality. Sounds to me like you did sleep with this male friend of yours and your either in denial or covering up big time, the Internet is a weird place, if he wants to see your phone, so too can he view what you write on line.

5 months is a long time to be broken up. If you were compatible enough irrespective you would not go 150 or more days without each other, you would have gotten back together way before that.

You are correct. What ever you or he did, whilst broken up is none of his or your business. Regardless of time.

Discussing killing someone and understanding that, is possession.

Wanting to confront this guy is possession.

Maybe even getting back with you was possession.

You are his possession, no one else was / is allowed to be with you, as he has been with you.

It's a bit more than trust and you have to ask why he doesn't trust. You haven't stated that he played these cards anywhere within the 2 year relationship rather it was "irrelevant" to the "issue now" that suggests that it wasn't about cheating or trust issues in the past, rather other factors.

He's immature irrespective as he can't handle that you had the right to do what ever you wanted over those 5 months as you two were not an item.

You have to consider why there was no contact for 5 months surely you can't believe that there was so much love you had to come back together again, rather perhaps, loneliness or familiarity.
0 Replies
 
caseys2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 26 Apr, 2017 11:27 am
@ConfusedAndNEWLover,
I agree with what most people are saying. Lots of red flags here. You sound way more down to earth and rational than he is. I would move on, even though I know it's easier said than done.
0 Replies
 
 

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