You talk out of both sides of your mouth here though. To quote, "I get angry when my wife doesn't schedule to get the 5 year old on the weekends because I miss her when she's not here." Then there's "If I don't plan "us" something to do then she's upset."
I don't think I've seen a marriage that's this dysfunctional.
If you don't want to go to her family's place, then DON'T. But not go for the right reasons, such as detesting them, other plans or sickness. You want to make it a game, if she doesn't go to yours then screw her, you'll not go to hers.
It's the tit-for-tat mentality that is your own making.
She does not want grandchildren 24/7. She HATES your church. She WANTS to spend time with YOU and you go to great lengths to avoid that.
I have a sneaking suspicion your "religion" makes you think she should be subservient to you. Well, she's telling you and showing you, you aren't her boss.
So quit acting like it.