"She goes to church but does not speak to anyone or stand up when they stand up (asocial and disrespectful).
She rarely goes to his family's Sunday get-togethers and when she does, she sometimes leaves early (asocial and disrespectful).
She doesn't want to use her car on a long trip which has the only AC and probably uses less gas (no idea how to tag this one).
She talks to him when he's on the phone at work even after he asks her not to (disruptive and insensitive).
She wants to 'play with him' (whatever that means) while he's at work (disruptive).
She interrupts his work call at quitting time (monitoring).
She doesn't want the grandkids over there as much as he does (I understand this one).
She wants him to wash her car (lazy and demanding).
She wants him to go to all her family gatherings (demanding).
She gets jealous when he speaks to another woman or delivers the baby things to his daughter (insecure).
She apparently doesn't have any friends (asocial).
She doesn't seem to like doing things by herself (co-dependent or dependent).
He wants her to be more sociable, i.e.:
- He wants her to get more involved with his church people (demanding and controlling).
- He wants her to go to more family gatherings (demanding and controlling).
He wants to have his grandkids over when he wants them over (demanding and controlling).
He doesn't want to do every single thing with her (I understand this).
He doesn't want to always wash her car (I understand this).
He doesn't want to drive a non-AC car in the heat on a miles away trip (I understand this).
He doesn't want her interrupting him at work (I understand this)."
Based on what you listed here. . . . . he's the problem? He needs to change to suit her?
From what you say she's disruptive, antisocial, insensitive, monitoring, and demanding. But he's still the problem who won't change for her? He doesn't want her interrupting him while he's working. She walks into where he's working and while on the phone she starts up a conversation. His car has no working AC but she doesn't want to take hers, assuming with the working AC. Does she drive a classic car or something? So she'd rather sweat than to put a few miles on her car. Cars were meant to be driven. And she wants him to do every single thing with her but she won't do everything with him, namely, just going to spend some time with his family. But again.....he's the one unwilling to change?
Maybe I'm missing something here!
And how is it demanding and controlling if he wants her to go to more family gatherings?