genetically , thats not so CJ, in Irish, Slovak, and a few other populations ,there are clear genetic markers that "Based upon the body's inability to process a very long named chemical(THIQ) into an aldehyde" has a gene marker in a Short tandem repeat zone of the "junk" or , as we are beginning to recognize, the "controller portions of a genome"within a specific chromosome(the freaky part is that Ive been told that this is the chromosome pair {no 2} that has been formed by the conjoining of nos 2 and 3 of the chimp(I dont know if thats true or is bullshit, I am just reporting what Ive heard from some colleagues}. This gene marker has made the population dynamics of alcoholism more easily understood.
Ever wonder why certain behaviors, like alcoholism runs deeply in families?
farmerman wrote:My wife, (sob) likes BARRY MANILOW. (sob) Oh the shame, andshe tells me to stick my opinion up my sphincter. To this , I become easily agitated.In thevehicles, if she gets an attack of Manilingus,she has, at least lately , plugged in some earphones .
Barry Manilow, jeesuz H Christ.
Bear would say "You think that's bad, squinney actually paid good money for an Air Supply CD. Air Supply, for godsakes! Can you believe they even bothered recording that to CD?"
But, I have to listen to AC/DC ten times as much as he hears Air Supply, so leave the room if ya got a problem with it! (I'm thinking Mrs. Farmerman and I should get together some time)
hi well thanks for posting.im not married im 21 (nearly) and my boyfriend is 22 we have house together and a kid hes 6months old now.i never said i owned him because i know i dont but surely in relationships if something bothers the other one that much when its not even that important to him then why not stop? to me if i got married to him and he looked at porn its like he wants to look at another womans body and that isnt right.thw whole thing about getting married is to love,honour and cherish the other person.many people will say its me with the problem and yes maybe it is partly(i dont think its all his fault!)i know ive got low self esteem etc but does that mean he can go and do it more.well really this post wasnt to do with me but ive read loads of posts about women saying it bothers them.why cant guys give it up is it that important?surely not.everyones seen what porn can do to you.you can get hooked and then expect all women to look and act like porn stars.also i think they put nudity or half nudity around too often i mean on bill boards you see women half naked!whys that different from films like that ?i mean they put films on with indecent exposure on late at night.whats the point when theres nudity and porn everywhere?!?! i think in relationships people need to think about the feeling of others aswell.its selfish for men just to say we have to accept that they look at porn.people may say id be selfish to stop him looking but why?why does he need to look at other women when im there?plus why would i be selfish its him who always wants to get his end away.what about me?i get a bit horney sometimes to but i dont go looking at other people to pleasure myself to me thats like cheating!what does anyone think?
Toni_no12002 wrote:hi well thanks for posting.im not married im 21 (nearly) and my boyfriend is 22 we have house together and a kid hes 6months old now.i never said i owned him because i know i dont but surely in relationships if something bothers the other one that much when its not even that important to him then why not stop? to me if i got married to him and he looked at porn its like he wants to look at another womans body and that isnt right.thw whole thing about getting married is to love,honour and cherish the other person.many people will say its me with the problem and yes maybe it is partly(i dont think its all his fault!)i know ive got low self esteem etc but does that mean he can go and do it more.well really this post wasnt to do with me but ive read loads of posts about women saying it bothers them.why cant guys give it up is it that important?surely not.everyones seen what porn can do to you.you can get hooked and then expect all women to look and act like porn stars.also i think they put nudity or half nudity around too often i mean on bill boards you see women half naked!whys that different from films like that ?i mean they put films on with indecent exposure on late at night.whats the point when theres nudity and porn everywhere?!?! i think in relationships people need to think about the feeling of others aswell.its selfish for men just to say we have to accept that they look at porn.people may say id be selfish to stop him looking but why?why does he need to look at other women when im there?plus why would i be selfish its him who always wants to get his end away.what about me?i get a bit horney sometimes to but i dont go looking at other people to pleasure myself to me thats like cheating!what does anyone think?
I totally agree. But, we fall into a certain commonality, which many might disagree with.
I believe it's cheating too and I'm of the male order.
hi thanks someone that agrees with me.many people think that yea you havent physically touched the other person so its not cheating.but to some extent where your looking to look at other people it is.well many people will disagree.most of the time its been men .fair enough if both people agree its ok fair enough but if one gets upset by it its not fair on the other person and it can really hurt them and make them feel unwanted unloved and unattractive.life sucks sometimes
Toni,
I sympathize with the emotions that it creates when pornography is fair to one person, while it isn't to another.
To me your being logical in your rationale but I know there are many who would object to this. But what does it matter, we are who we are.
I think it's time to serious sit down and talk about this with him, cause it is causing you conflicting emotions. Isn't marriage about loving and tending to the most urgent needs of your spouse? When did it become a matter of what "I" want?
If you are telling me pornography is an urgent need, I think it is seriously time to reevaluate.
Looking at my parent's marriage, it has always been about aiding in the others urgent emotional needs and they've been together for more than 25+ years. I guess this is where my idealism has developed and been nurtured.
Good luck,
Borealis
Toni, this man was this way when you met him. Before the baby. Before the house. You can't expect him to change suddenly because you don't like it. People come with baggage. This is his. You can ask him to stop. But you can't make him. All you can do is leave if you must.
And men don't want the women in their lives to act like those porn stars. They want you to act like you. If he wanted to screw a porn star, he would. The fantasy is what he wants. The same type of fantasy women have about the man who sweeps them off their feet...flowers, candy, kisses, romance....ahhh, the perfect lover. We know our men aren't like that. But we still fantisize about it in novels and movies. The two of you are more alike than you realize.
Think about it.
i know i cant ask him to change but why should i feel like nothing all the time?he is with me yes i cannot control him but surely if something hurts me that much why wouldnt he be willing to stop if he says he loves me and these people arent that important to him
Yes, he should be considering you. And if he isn't you might want to reconsider your relationship. The porn isn't the problem. The problem is his lack of respect for your feelings.
ive thought about that but i really do love him loads.also we have a 6 month old baby to think of.i feel like im going crazy because im so upset but i really do love him what should i do?
Bottom line - don't expect him to change. He is who he is.
In the same way, you are who you are - and you're unlikely to change.
You need to sort out what's important, and work from there. Is being in the relationship itself important? What are the things that brought you into the relationship? What do you value about him? Are those things more or less important than the things that are upsetting you?
Nothing and no one is perfect. We just all have to figure out whether the imperfections are too costly - in the emotional sense.
I hate it when people say other people make their self -esteem lower.
Isn't self-esteem suppost to be indipendent of what other people think of you. It's about what you think of yourself.
yes but the remarks of other people can make your self esteem suffer!so comments people make dont matter?everybody says they dont but they do!yes i dont like myself but things other people do add to it
on the contrary Toni you have to have esteem issues within yourself to begin with before a negative comment can have an adverse affect on you.
that's what i'm talking about. It's called SELF-esteem not Others-esteem
Tenoch, there is a point here that you may be missing.
Self-esteem is our mental picture of ourselves that comes only through thought. It's a process of internalizing what we imagine others think of us...especially significant others, those who really count. We ask ourselves, "How do I look to them? Do they like me?" And then we imagine their answers and internalize that to form our mental picture of ourselves.
This is a tricky process. We may imagine their answers to be quite different from what they actually think. Or we may be basing our concept of self on their flawed view of us.
The good news is...poor self-esteem can be changed! If we brood over our mistakes and dwell on negative traits (real or imagined), we prearrange failure. If we think about our successes, we develop the confidence and courage to grow.
And here's the key...
If I accept myself, no defense is needed.
AND
If I accept you, you will then accept yourself.
This is how self-esteem is built.
"internalizing what we imagine others think"
nup disagree...my self esteem does not come from what I think others think of me......
Tenoch is not missing the point that is the point....
"If I accept you, you will then accept yourself. "
we're not talking about children here. We're talking about adults. it might be built this way when you're a kid, but not when you grow up.
Our self-esteem is formed in our childhood and adolescence when others' opinions of us hold great importance. You don't jettison those beliefs when you come of age...you just refine them. A lot of the process happens subconsciously, i.e., a child is told by his teacher that he is not good at art, as a teenager his friends make fun of his handwriting and his mother says he can't match colors properly, and by the time he reaches his 20s, he's convinced he has no talent and that it's his idea and his alone. But it isn't. He's still carrying around that idea of himself that started when he was a child. Many of our ideas about ourselves stem from such early experiences with significant others.
i agree with eva.so your all saying that if someones said your ugly so many times it wouldnt effect you?it does!ive talked to a counsellor before and he said i had very low self esteem.this is because of what people have said about me in the past.everybody always says that what other people say doesnt matter but it does hurt.my main problem is because im scared of what people think off me.in the past people have said very cruel things,thats why im like what i am because theyve said it so much and then you begin to believe it.tenoch it is about what other people say to you that matter the reason i think so litle of myself is because of other people and what theyve said to me.i should know im the one who has low self esteem and it IS because of other people.yes i know you shouldnt care about what other people think but everyone knows that verball abuse can sometimes hurt you more than physical.
