jespah wrote:Grand Duke wrote:...The drugs are not as much of a problem as it might appear. If I really wanted to stop, I could stop today. But I dont want to, because getting stoned has been one of the few things I've managed to remain commited to!
Listen to yourself. Do you really think you'd allow anyone else to hand you this kind of a load o' malarkey?
No. .... It feels as if I have been smoking weed almost by default, rather than through compulsion. Although addicts are obviously self-deluding so maybe I would think this whether an addict or not?
Then if it's not conscious or fun, why do it?
Quote:I'm with the others. There are job loss spirals -- I've been in 'em, and I've seen other people in 'em, and it ain't pretty -- but this goes beyond that. And, since you don't have more than a minimum wage job, and you have no savings, I'm thinking there aren't any funds for the next bender, anyway. So, what are ya gonna do? Start knocking over liquor stores? Hey, if you want to screw up your life, you're doing a bang-up job of it. Add in some prison time and you can really be screwed up.
Prison time would, literally, be the death of me. I could not last a week in any prison.
But you're buying yourself a ticket to it every time you buy weed. You say further into your post, that it would be jail time after the third offense. If you're not looking to stop, the third time could be just around the corner. Or, like I said, economically things cannot be fantastic -- such conditions can lead people to do stupid things.
Quote:You're no dope, but I'm gonna spell it out for you, anyway. You cannot afford to be a drug user. Not financially, not socially, not career-wise, not legally, not mentally, no way, no how. Yet you persist. This, my friend, is called an addiction.
Financially, I can - weed is cheap and lasts a long time. ....
So what? Why spend the money on it if you can't afford other things? Sure it may be cheap entertainment, but you also said you like to read. Books or pot? Books or pot? Food or pot? Clothes or pot? Rent or pot? Even cheapie things add up.
Socially, you are probably right. I have sacrificed nights out with friends for nights in with weed. Only a few of my friends are smokers.
And this is fueling depression and isolation.
Career-wise, also probably true. When faced in the past with a decision to either study for the various qualifications I've started, or get stoned, then there has simply been no choice. Perhaps I should quit weed until I'm retired.
Or -- shocking idea -- how about for good? Why create a situation wherein you tell yourself that once you are situated in one way or another, that it'll be okay to go back into this rut? Quitting addictions, for most people, is a black and white, all or nothing proposition. Shilly-shallying around often means that the person is looking for an excuse for a relapse. But if that's as far as you can see right now, at least that's something. Pot, as you know, destroys motivation, and you have admitted that you have issues with motivation anyway. All that pot is doing is compounding that.
Legally, also true, although the UK's drug laws are less harsh than those in the US. For a small amount (up to a 1/4 oz) I would get a caution for a first possession offence, a relatively minor fine (£80-£250) for a second offence, and a month or two in prison for a third offence.
Your CV already has problems. Want to keep playing Russian Roulette with it?
Mentally, also correct. For as far back as I can remember, I have been introverted, a dreamer, an escapist and lazy. Combine that with regular weed use and it's tricky to get anything done.
Yep. All that's happening is you are taking a drug that kills whatever motivation you had, and you didn't have a lot to begin with. It's far easier to just hang around and smoke than it is to do, well, anything else, in your worldview.
Quote:You cannot fix this yourself. You cannot lean on us to fix it -- we're not there, we're not professionals, we're the folks who get to turn off our PCs and think of other things. But not so with a therapist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've read about how you don't like 'em, yadda yadda yadda whatever -- but go anyway.
Yep, you heard me. Go anyway. If it sucks, go to a different therapist. Keep going and changing if you don't like it. Eventually you will settle on someone. Like soz said before, broken legs don't fix themselves. They need professional healing. Same thing with broken psyches. This isn't being macho and it isn't being mature. This isn't you being too cool for school. This is foolish. Get yourself to a therapist or stop wasting these nice people's time.
So what is the point in anyone posting here in A2K for advice? I read the "My husband looks at porn" topics and wonder why these women have such a hard time accepting that many men like porn. I can never see what their problem is. But I don't think that they are wasting people's time, because it obviously bothers them.
We're not talking about them, we're talking about you. And, as for them, (a) it makes them feel better and (b) they (sometimes) get the tools to help themselves. And sometimes they actually use those tools. What I mean is, hanging around and posting without doing anything else is truly a waste if you've been given the resources. Like I said, you're no dope. You're over 18. You can certainly connect the dots here. But if all that happens is a lot of talk and no action, it is a waste to the people here who care and try to help. It's easy to dismiss advice; it's a lot harder to try and follow it. But why ask for advice just to reject it?
What sort of counsellor am I supposed to see? Career counsellor? Drugs counsellor? Life counsellor? I've made the decision to go to my doctor. Counselling will stay on the shelf until I've heard what he has to say.
Ask your doctor about counselling. He or she has seen this before and will know the answer. Rather than get tripped up in the complexities, ask the doctor for referrals and put some faith in his/her abilities. You don't have to solve this problem by yourself.
Quote:And yeah, I know that was harsh. And I'm sorry if it wasn't pretty. But I ain't takin' it back. I consider this to be the job one of anyone who cares about you. You're not going to get any better and nothing is going to change until you see the need to change it and, unfortunately, that often does not happen until rock bottom is hit.
I think I can see the need for change, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered starting this topic, as I've come fairly low as it is, and the only depths to which I have not yet sunk - long-term unemployment, homelessness, crime, prison, suicide attempts - are those from which few return intact. I'm depth enough in the **** to see the bottom, and it's not a place I want to go.
Good. Then do something. I know I am pushy, but the thing is, before I met RP, I had two separate boyfriends who were alcoholics. Truly the only way that either of them got help was through pushing. Inertia is a very powerful siren, and weed only makes it that more attractive. Sometimes folks need a kick in the butt. Heeven has a similar idea, I can see, and so do others. We don't do this because we like seeing our boot imprints on your hindquarters. We do this because we're trying to motivate you into taking action.
But, despite the negativity which appears to seep from my every post, I thank you sincerely for your help, Jespah.
And I'm here because you're important to me. If you weren't, I wouldn't have bothered to post.BorisKitten wrote:If it's any comfort, Grand Duke, I'm a fellow Underachiever.
I was once an Information Systems Specialist, with years of Corporate work experience, making loads of money. Now I work part-time at whatever, usually secretarial work since there's more of that around.
My husband's the same way. He was once a Captain in the Air Force, supervising 200 people who repaired B-1 Bombers. Now he's fixing lawnmowers part-time.
We're both happier now (in our 40's) being poor, working less, and just barely scraping by financially.
Just because you CAN make a lot of money in a Respectable Profession, doesn't mean you HAVE TO. Can you forgive yourself for not wanting that?
Can I ask what made you and your husband decide to make those changes, BorisKitten? Were they self-imposed for reasons of quality of life, or was there another reason? Apologies if it sounds like I'm prying, but I'm just trying to get a handle on how and why other people have made significant life changes. And thank you for your post. I'm pleased to find another Underachiever, even if your reasons are genuine and mine are through laziness. You seem to be Underacheiving through choice. I have been doing it mostly subconsciously.
Geez did I answer any of your questions here?
