The Ashes Test 2005

You, Sir Stephen, did a fine work extracting me from such a deep and shameful ignorance and leading me in the meanders of a so suble arcanum.

Thank you!

Thank you also, Lord Ellpus, for, at the risk of your precious freedom, breaking the rules of a so noble institution.

Yes, Francis....that is the famous Jiminy Cricket, who was probably the best all rounder in the Northern Hemisphere, and so good that the game was named after him.

Now that I have confirmed that you WERE invited to this thread, I can now count you as an Honorary Englishman (temporary) and give you a bit more information about the game.

The field consists of :-

One team who is fielding, and two batsmen from the opposing team.

The fielding team consists of eleven men on the field, taking up positions that can include:-

Bowler
Deep fine leg
Fine leg
Third man
Third slip
Second slip
First slip
Gulley
Leg slip
Leg gully
Wicketkeeper
Point
Silly point
Silly mid off
Cover
Extra cover
Mid off
Long off
Long on
Mid on
Deep mid wicket
Mid wicket
Short mid wicket
Silly mid on
Square short leg
Short leg
Forward short leg
Square leg
Deep square leg
Leg slip
Leg gully
....and fine leg.

As you can see, there are thirty potential positions for fielders, and until last year, it was assumed that fielding teams would only put out eleven men.
Last year, halfway through a game, one of the Umpires noticed that the Australian team had filled twenty seven of these positions, and their Captain was told to send sixteen men back to the changing rooms.

This has led to video investigations being carried out, and the discovery that Australia has fielded a minimum of twenty men for the past fifteen years, and that is why they keep on beating us.

A close eye will be kept on the number of team players this year, and although England are pretty confident that they can still win, even with 15 Aussies on the pitch, any more than that and the England Captain will probably complain.

Interesting informations...

But, pardon me the diversion, is batman the singular for batsmen?

You're welcome.

That reminds me of another aspect of life associated with cricket...the history of the English criminal justice system.

This along with

meteorology
aerodynamics
mathematics
geography (got to know where these blighters come from)
gastronomy
soil mechanics
gardening
psychology
ornithology
tea drinking

and lots of other things as well to do with hitting a ball with a piece of wood, but as Lorde says there are strict secrecy laws about that

No, it is Batman. His batting partner is usually known as Robin.









Yes, Francis ....it's the same as in the English for Man (singular)
Men (plural)

I would appreciate to know more about this connection (are birds trying to eat Jiminy or is it about kiwis?)

Oh! now I see the connection with ornithology...

Hey Lorde did you see that phrase Francis used

"the meanders of a so suble arcanum"

pretty good eh?

This makes me suspect Francis is actually very knowlegeable about cricket and might just be testing us. Anyway I certainly think we can treat him as an hon. Englishman for the purposes of this thread at least.

94 - 2. pigeon spotted by Henry Blofield.

The Australian team, back in 1971, smuggled in some rather large Pigeon and Seagulls, especially trained to crap on an English Batsman, just as the ball is thrown at him by a manic Australian.

The birds have adapted well to our climate, and turn up at every match, in an effort to thwart our brave lads.

In response to this, we have formed the Barmy Army, who go over to Australia once a year and drink all their beer, and show their girls what a good time is all about.

Your bright explanations are removing my toughest doubts...

In all seriousness, Francis, you will see (I have invited them over) that the English and the Australians have a very wierd love/love relationship.

I would go as far as to say, that on the whole of the Planet, it is the Australian that is the most similar in character and humour to the Englishman.

There are minor differences, shown in the fact that they are usually a lot redder than us, due to their climate, and their arms and hands are a lot stronger, because of the fly swatting.
But apart from that, they are very similar, and have a seriously warped sense of humour, which is only REALLY understood by the Brits....and vice versa.

There is a fine tradition of taking the mickey out of one another, and the Aussies usually win at that as well, but at the end of the day, we have a fair bit of affection for each other.

APART FROM THEIR CRICKET TEAM! .......Bounders, the lot of 'em.

And that's understandable, LE.

As a matter of fact, I like some of them Aussies.

3 -110

but its an aussie commentator so he's upside down he means

110 - 3

interesting helicopter going by...

Sorry to disappoint you, Steve, but it's not the fact that I know some words that makes me an expert in some sports rules.

I'm tabula rasa in sports but I believe I can do better with the help of so devoted friends...

And to make it more confusing, if Australia wins the Ashes they don't even get to keep them.

The Ashes are kept at Lords cricket ground (Lord E has kindly allowed the MCC to use his back yard for cricket for many years) so the winners of the Ashes don't actually transport them Down Under.

There are good reasons for that.

Australians are notoriously forgetful when they have been imbibing strong drink. The MCC is worried that someone will leave the Ashes on the plane and the cleaners will find them and put them in the garbage.

And of course if the Australian Cricket Board starts to lose money the MCC is a bit worried that the Ashes might one day turn up on Ebay.

But you know it does cause simmering resentment in Australia. There has been some urging in the populus here to force the MCC to hand the Ashes over to the winners.

I wouldn't be surprised if an armada of little boats similar to that which rescued the BEF at Dunkirk was to set to sea for the long journey to the Homeland to rescue the Ashes.

The problem is that I can see the little Aussie armada taking a few detours - New Caledonia, Fiji, Tonga, Hawaii, Cancun, the whole of the Caribbean, the Algarve, Provence, Livorno (for a little road trip to Florence and the wines of Tuscany....), Patras......so the Odyssey for the Ashes might well turn out to be a gigantic marine pub crawl and the original objective of the armada would be lost in the mists of time.

Perhaps Australia could have visiting rights to the Ashes?

Talking about Henry Blofeld. When he came over here a few years ago he became an instant cult figure (I know, I know but these days with time compression...) and became nicknamed "Henry Blowfly". He even had the crowds nominate a mound area of one of the cricket venues here (can't remember which one) "The Henry Blowfly Stand". Henry's very Britishness endeared him to the Australian crowds. The very antithesis of the lager lout (but I bet he goes right off with a very good bottle of wine though).

This is the Adelaide Oval where seagulls learn to dodge the ball as it flies at them:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adelaide_Oval

Thats very kind Francis.

I'll help you with the rules of cricket, you help me with English...deal?

GoodF

just listening to Blowfly now, been elected president of the Primary club.

The other great commentator was Brian Johnson, famous for his description and consumption of cake during the tea interval.

Showing my age here Steve - John Arlott for mine was the greatest English commentator on cricket. The man was a genius behind the microphone.

John Howard is at Lords.

I will always remember the way he presented the Rugby World Cup to the victorious England side...virtually threw it at Martin Johnson.