Husband “cheated”

When my husband and I first got together, he had a bad drinking problem, especially with liquor. He basically would become a different person and not remember what would happen or what what said. This was kind of one of those times. I was across the country packing and planning a move across country to be with him. He went out bar hopping got really drunk and this is what he remembers from that night.

At one bar, he ended up running into a girl that he had hooked up with various times before me. She had this whole sob story about she had just gotten an abortion and needed to be around someone. My husband bought the story and brought her over to his place. He told her in his words, explicitly that he was not interested in anything sexual or flirtatious as he was very much in love with me and wouldn’t do anything to mess that up. She said that’s fine and that she understands and they fell asleep in the same bed. Mind you he is so drunk during this interaction, he blacks out and doesn’t remember anything else. That is until he “wakes up/sobers” from the orgasm that she forced on him. He doesn’t remember consenting or even the sex, only waking up from the orgasm with her mounting him. He yells at her calls her a rapist, she even almost has the cops called on her from the amount on yelling and drama she was causing. He promises that he never was in contact with her again really other than random messages she would send but he would not respond, he stayed friends with her on social media because he says he was afraid that she would go “apeshit crazy on his pregnant on his pregnant wife”.

He never told me about this until 3 years later. I confronted her and asked if he was telling the truth. I didn’t really think that a rapist would actually admit to it but I wanted to hear what she would have to say. As soon as I contacted her she took a screen shot and sent it to my husband, then blocked me. She claims to him that she doesn’t remember that night at all. We have been having problems and he actually talked **** about me to her (mostly because he says he was angry that I insinuated that he lied) and even accepted sympathy from her for our marriage problems. He says he regrets this and apologized and sends her a message saying what she did was rape plain and simple and that he was blocking her.

Honestly I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand I’m angry at the woman because I want to believe him and she is a rapist. I do believe men can be raped and from what he describes it IS rape. The part that I’m having a problem with though is that he invited an ex over to comfort her, sleep in the same bed as her, but then claims he is “loyal as ****”, which the comfort part and sleeping in the same bed really isn’t being loyal. When he’s that drunk he doesn’t remember things, what if he DID consent? But if that’s the case then that isn’t consent really. I’m so confused.