What is he thinking?

Reply Tue 13 Apr, 2021 11:26 am

I have been speaking to this guy for a while, we have had a few dates and we like each other.

Yet because of living in separate cities and lockdown we have not been able to officially date.

We have been talking on and off over a period of 2 years.

Recently he misinterpreted a text of mine and believed it to mean that I was not interested in him yet I reassured him that I was and I wanted to see how it went as mates and see if things progressed from there.

Then followed a period of non-communication.

I then accidently to my horror called him and he asked me if I meant to call.
I have accidently called him in the past twice before when we were communicating more frequently and he didn't mind.

When I replied that I hadn't and it was a genuine accident he got defensive and said that he didn't believe me and thought that I had done it intentionally.

Why was that his response?

I am moving back to where he lives and I am wondering whether I should pursue it.

I have too much strong will and self-worth to ask him but I was wondering if anyone could shed light on what his reaction reveals about his feelings?

Reply Tue 13 Apr, 2021 11:45 am
You are giving mixed messages. You need to decide what you want and take responsibility for it. When you say "let's be mates" it slams on the brakes (even with the seeing what progresses part).

If you want to pursue a relationship with this guy, then do so. If you don't, then let him go.

When you stay in this middle... this lets date but not date... that's where you get all the awkward miscommunication and hurt feeling.

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Reply Tue 13 Apr, 2021 11:58 am
I have too much strong will and self-worth to ask him

Self worth? If you had self worth I would think you would have no difficulty being straight with him. I find it the opposite - if you had self worth you would ask him - having lack of confidence or possibly fear of being turned down is stopping you.

What is the worst thing that would happen if you asked straight out? He would turn you down. So then you know to not keep up with him any more.

I do agree with Max that you are sending mixed messages and it seems he is almost doing the same as you - holding back out of fear that you don't want to pursue him - hurting his ego.

Someone needs to step up and be honest if there is to even be a possibility of a relationship else you two will keep dancing around it.

And for future reference be wary of what you text - keep texts for informational purposes - it is so easy to misread texts there is no tone and no facial expressions to read so quite often texts are mis-interpreted. At least on the phone you can hear your voice tones.

And for that mis- call - my opinion - I would have said something along the lines sorry I did call you by accident but I am glad I did - it is nice to hear your voice. Otherwise it sounds like he said either you did mean it and want it seem you do not; or you really don't care.

Just be upfront and honest about your feelings - at the least then you will know.
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