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Is my coworker into me or am I reading him wrong?

 
 
Reply Sun 5 Apr, 2020 04:08 am
I been working with this guy (we'll call him Steve, not his real name) from about 3 months now and I have gotten this vibe that he might have a crush on me. To give a little context my workplace has about 200 people working at the same time but because our schedules are the same we often seat next or close to each other, we don't have assigned seating, I've noticed some hot and cold behavior from him, some days he is completely cold and barely acknowledges me and some other days I catch him looking my way several times during the day, once I even lowered my chair because I was starting to blush because of his constant staring, another day he ended up seating closer to the exit than to me but before he left he went up to me just to say hi even though I was busy, he constantly asks me when I'm going to lunch so he can wait for me but I just see this as a friendly coworker not wanting to go have lunch alone. We also have this playful banter going on and inside jokes and most of time that we are not busy with work we talk about the stuff we like and we have many things in common, he even once asked me if a had a picture of the hobby that I had told him about weeks before. I've noticed that when I'm not close to him he holds his stare but when I'm near he can't hold it; but, a couple weeks ago this supervisor came up to me to tell me that another girl (we'll call her Jessica, not her real name) who always likes to be the center of attention told her that Steve has been asking her to go to his place, I don't know if to believe it or not because this girl always seems to have someone hitting on her or she constantly runs into people she's slept with and apparently she can get it when she goes out, it's always drama with her and honestly when we are at work he doesn't really talk that much to her, but at some point they were friendly, anyway, this supervisor told me that story because Jessica apparently doesn't know what to do because she thinks Steve is hitting on me, which I didn't even think at the time because I'm always oblivious about this stuff, to be honest I feel like she is jealous that he doesn't pay attention to her anymore and is making it up. I don't really know what to think about the whole situation and I need a third person perspective because I'm biased. I mean does he have a crush on me or is he being just friendly, he does stand close to me most of the time and when we don't end up seating together he always tells me to move near him which I rarely do, however, if he did have a crush on me then why hasn't he asked me for my phone number or followed any of my social media. To make things interesting, plot twist, I'm married, and I think he knows, once another coworker asked me how did I meet my partner and I played dumb and pretended I didn't hear him, Steve did hear and he walked away and a few minutes later he left the room; my marriage has been more like a roommate/friendship thing in the last 6 months. I'm really confused about everything, please let me know what you think.
 
PUNKEY
 
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Reply Sun 5 Apr, 2020 06:08 am
I was right with you - until you just mentioned that you are married!! I wonder why you aren’t writing about the state of your marriage?

You are not available so why would he make any kind of move on you?

You have work to do: either get your marriage in better condition or move on from it.



0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
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Reply Mon 6 Apr, 2020 08:23 am
@Lilibetty,
I'm with Punkey on this one. The moment you mentioned your were married this became an easy response. It matters not whether he is flirting/interested or not. You are (or at least should be) unavailable. So either be friends with him (nothing wrong with that) and work on your marriage or if you are not happy in your marriage, end it. Then you'll be free to let him pursue you if that is what he wants.

As it stands right now, you are not being honest with either your husband or this man. Fix that.
Lash
 
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Reply Mon 6 Apr, 2020 08:47 am
@CoastalRat,
Nice to see you, Coastal Rat!
CoastalRat
 
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Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2020 07:12 am
@Lash,
Nice of you to say so Lash. Hope you are doing well.
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BillRM
 
  0  
Reply Tue 7 Apr, 2020 10:31 am
@CoastalRat,
Marriages can exist on paper and no while else such as my last marriage that was only a paper marriage for over five years.

An it was ended legally for tax reasons a few months age with no hard feelings on either side. In fact my now ex-wife is still one of my best friends.

A piece of paper does not made a marriage.

CoastalRat
 
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Reply Wed 8 Apr, 2020 06:42 am
@BillRM,
BillRM, I do not disagree with you. Your situation with your wife may not have anything to do with the OP's. Were you two living together all that time? Were you acting as husband and wife? Or were you living basically separate lives while living together (or apart?) The OP does not indicate what if any understanding there may be between her and her husband. Barring any such info to the contrary, we can only assume that her husband and her have no such understanding that they can each do their own thing. Thus the basis for the comments here.

Glad you and your wife handled things so well and went your separate ways while still being legally married. Your reasons for doing so are yours and I certainly have no issue with that. But the point is you both reached this understanding. I don't think the OP and her husband have any such understanding.
0 Replies
 
Lilibetty
 
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Reply Thu 9 Apr, 2020 01:31 am
@Lilibetty,
Thanks for the answers everyone, I'll follow up a little on the situation; I never said that I was going to do anything about my coworker, apparently I'm very oblivious when it comes to someone hitting on me or flirting with me, I always think they are just friendly. About my actual relationship, we live separate lives most of time, barely see each other, I work during the day, he works late/nights, before the current health situation I would go out to eat or to bars with my friends, and most weekends I would go to my parents house and stay with them for a day or two, when I go on vacation I go alone or meet with relatives and friends while abroad. I do love my husband but for the past months (6-8) I've been questioning myself if I'm still in love with him; he always says he loves me and that he is in love with me and I'm the best that has happened to him so I feel bad about everything but at the same time I feel alone and like I'm a roomate, and I've felt this even before I met this co-worker, I sometimes don't even feel like a roomate I feel like a guest who overstayed, if I want to buy furniture he doesn't want to because we don't have the same taste but if he buys something out of the blue and I don't like it he just says sorry I needed this now, for a while I was out of work and he did not support me like a husband should, I had to go run to my dad for help even if my husband had the means to help me because as he put it that is his money, so from there my roomate feeling got deeper and I felt more alone than ever.
BillRM
 
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Reply Thu 9 Apr, 2020 02:04 pm
@Lilibetty,
Lilibetty wrote:

Thanks for the answers everyone, I'll follow up a little on the situation; I never said that I was going to do anything about my coworker, apparently I'm very oblivious when it comes to someone hitting on me or flirting with me, I always think they are just friendly. About my actual relationship, we live separate lives most of time, barely see each other, I work during the day, he works late/nights, before the current health situation I would go out to eat or to bars with my friends, and most weekends I would go to my parents house and stay with them for a day or two, when I go on vacation I go alone or meet with relatives and friends while abroad. I do love my husband but for the past months (6-8) I've been questioning myself if I'm still in love with him; he always says he loves me and that he is in love with me and I'm the best that has happened to him so I feel bad about everything but at the same time I feel alone and like I'm a roomate, and I've felt this even before I met this co-worker, I sometimes don't even feel like a roomate I feel like a guest who overstayed, if I want to buy furniture he doesn't want to because we don't have the same taste but if he buys something out of the blue and I don't like it he just says sorry I needed this now, for a while I was out of work and he did not support me like a husband should, I had to go run to my dad for help even if my husband had the means to help me because as he put it that is his money, so from there my roomate feeling got deeper and I felt more alone than ever.


Assuming what you are saying is true and complete you deserve better an as there seems to be no real marriage doing what you need to do for emotional and other support is hardly wrong at least to me.
0 Replies
 
 

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