Mon 9 Mar, 2020 02:26 pm
I want to know if being best friends with you partner is enough for a fulfilled, happy, lifelong relationship?
I love my partner deeply but I've always felt something is missing, I've realized whats missing is that I love him as a best friend, not as a boyfriend or potential romantic life partner. I'm not attracted to him and just learned to be by being with him.
How we came to be together in the first place is a crazy kinda messed up story and I feel like I was backed into a corner to be with him in the first place, I'm happy now with how it worked out and we ended up together but I know how we got together wasn't ok and anyone else would have left him.
He loves me deeply and makes me feel it everyday. We have so much fun together and the relationship dynamic is exactly what I've always wanted. We live an alternative life style so getting a dynamic I want is next to impossible but I've found it with him.
We are not only compatible but complimentary to each other. He's already successful and will only grow with that. He allows me space to do what I need to do for my success and we support each other no matter what. We have so much fun together and when Im not with him I find myself wishing I was.
My question is, is this enough? People say the romantic love usually dies anyway after the honey moon phase and you're left with the base stuff like I perfectly get with him. We have been talking seriously lately about marriage and its a very real possibility of a proposal within the next year. People say to marry your best friend and this is exactly what I would be doing.
TLDR: I have found the perfect guy on paper but for some reason theres something missing and I dont love him beyond him being my best friend, is that enough for a happy life together?
@Sarah102,
In my opinion it's a wonderful basis for a marriage and a happy life together.
It’s not so much romance dies but that you get your priorities straight and don’t have to cling to each other like vines.
You can’t grow if your too close together and get in the others shade.
PS. There is no such thing as a “perfect” guy or woman.
Get that silly fairy tale stuff out of your head.
Look around at older couples that have been together a long time, and profess to be happy. A common denominator is that they give each other space.
What do you mean “how we got together wasn't ok and anyone else would have left him”
Please explain.
Did you rescue him from something?
Make no marriage commitment - listen to your gut.
@Sarah102,
How is the sex?
Romance is one thing but sexual compatibility/attraction is another.
I'd go with sex and companionship over romance.
@Sarah102,
I'd have to say yes. My husband and I weren't "hot" for each other in the full sense of the word....we were loving, caring, and loyal which is WAY more important than sex. The bottom line was that we both knew we could count on each other. That to me, trumps sex, no matter how good it is.
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:
How is the sex?
Romance is one thing but sexual compatibility/attraction is another.
I'd go with sex and companionship over romance.
I had to actually look up the definition of the word romance.
It's not reality.
Companionship is. Sex is.
Combining the 2 is a relationship.
You're 100% correct.
@Sarah102,
Sarah102 wrote:I'm not attracted to him
that would be the end of things for me. I grew up with parents who were very clearly attracted to each other til my mother died - 50+ years of damn he/she's hot. I want that.
you can still be friends, but I don't see how it's possible to be lifelong partners you're not physically attracted to.
@ehBeth,
oops
apparently I've already said pretty much the same thing
I seem to have strong feelings about this
@Sarah102,
You doubt it, then you aren't ready to settle. Make it clear to him so it wont spoil the future.
@Sarah102,
FWIW -
A lot depends on what you mean by ‘attracted'. But,
I married twice for total and complete attraction in every way.
I married once for friendship.
They all ended but I have good memories of the one.
Best offer I’ve had all day, but it’s still early.
@Sarah102,
I think that you should love your partner not as a friend if you want to spend the whole life together
@Sarah102,
I think that's enough. Over time, love passes, only affection and devotion to a partner remain. After all, the most important thing is that your husband is not only a good lover, but also a great friend with whom you can talk on various topics, have a great time, or order pizza and watch movies all night long. I think marriage with your best friend is one of the most striking examples of a strong and happy marriage.
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