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My husband has just came out Bi

 
 
Mon 6 Jan, 2020 06:41 am
Me and my husband have been together 9 years and married almost 8. We’ve got two children together and we got together in our teens so sexually we’ve learnt together over the years. We’ve always had a very good sex life even back at the beginning when it was very plain sex. Over the years we’ve included sex toys and different positions and even porn.
More recently we discovered my husband liked MMF Bi porn whilst I played with him which developed him into wanting me to use a strap on which is fun. At first we thought he just enjoyed anal play but it’s grew into more, he likes to suck on things and watches more gay porn not just watching the act of anal play but gets turned on by all of it and has admitted he thinks he’s bi as he’s attracted to the men. This totally doesn’t bother me and if anything our sex life has got even better. Has anyone else gone through this themselves? He’s only ever been with me but I’m now thinking he’s missing out on experiencing the real thing as I can only do so much as a woman lol he’s not as out there as me and I knew he was bi before he could admit it to himself as he thinks it’s the worst thing to happen and he’s worried I’ll leave him which I’ve told him I won’t because I love him and all of him. Is there anything I can do to help him accept it? He thinks if he does it means he is gay and I’ve tried explaining that being gay wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world but I don’t think he’s gay as he gets turned on by me and watching just regular porn and boobs! Especially big ones haha
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Mon 6 Jan, 2020 09:41 am
So what’s the problem? He still gets turned on by you and wants to explore sex with men. You have given him permission to do that, to be bi. And it doesn’t seem to bother you.

But if he finds out he is gay, thats a different sexual attraction, lifestyle, and sexual identity preference and will probably really affect your marriage.

Just be very careful about your own health if he decides to go outside the marriage for sexual activity - no matter who it is with. Regular testing would be a must for both of you.

Durk2229
 
  0  
Sun 31 May, 2020 03:02 am
@PUNKEY,
Yo Amen couldn't of said it better myself!!!
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Openmind43
 
  1  
Wed 12 Aug, 2020 02:08 pm
@Lovingwife2020,
I have to say as the husband here who is thinking he is bi... I would just say any encouragement and confirmation of your love for him is never too much. I too worried about my wife's love and perception of me. We are still in the process of exploring my new desires and I too wonder how far to go. Fantasy vs real life is a big difference and both my wife and I agree on that for our MFM fantasy. Our dreams and fantasies are ideal situations... All I can say is he is lucky to have a very understanding woman as yourself... just keep doing it you both have come so far!
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Teufel
 
  0  
Wed 12 Aug, 2020 03:35 pm
@Lovingwife2020,
The difference between real physical life and one's thoughts is of course almost immeasurable.

Coitus in any form is nothing more than shaking hands. It is two pieces of flesh being rammed together .. It is the emotions, the morals, the beliefs, the personal needs and so forth of the individual, which differ. It is those inputs which make sex something personal to the individual.

If as it appears you both intend to stay together, then you must both tread with the most extreme care. Before you start with all the multiple partners etc etc ... You and your husband really need to understand where he is at, where you are at, plus where you stand as a partnership in life. Then, what about the effects on your children? Because unless you want to bring up two anxiety filled psychotics, it requires thought.

After my own 40 years or so owning adult sexual entertainment businesses, there is little I have not seen .... Your story is a long way from unique.

However, the internet seems to myself to have opened a whole vast can of worms for many. People work themselves up by watching the endless porn ..... But would your husband have searched it out pre-internet? Would you two have gone to a swingers club and so forth? Maybe, but maybe not. People take these life changing steps, IMO, because it is there in front of them.

Myself I am around 60yr old, my wife early 50's ... we have 30 years together ongoing but are in effect much the same personalities as we were 30 years ago, happy and solid together ..... Your husband has to make adult choices regarding your children and your marriage. As do you.

Sex is unemotional but the effects it has on the 99.99% is entirely emotional ... If he has a male lover it is no different to a female lover ... He could become fixated with the other person. The other person could become fixated with him. It is inviting real danger of collapse into your marriage.

Therefore my advice is realise that you both are standing in an unmapped mine field .... That you both need to be extremely careful where you step. Standing still is of course a positive action.



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