7
   

Am I cheating?

 
 
Reply Fri 2 Nov, 2018 11:43 pm
I need some advice from both men and women. Been married for two years. I've been with her for 18 years and love her dearly. The thought of cheating never crossed my mind but how far is too far?

At work we have this coworker of mine. A friend. She acknowledged me as a friend and she's quite pretty I must say. The prettiest of all our coworkers. I don't call her beautiful because translation means you want to sleep with her.

I'm the only one that she's sneaking up on and occasionally scares me from behind by touching my waist. I'm easily spooked and it works everytime. We both laugh and I try to get her back but she's immune.

One time I had trouble opening a box and got out my pocket knife. She said and I quote "Whip it out" followed by my name. We thought it was funny.

Another time I had a difficult time pulling an item out and she said "You can do it, you can do it alllll night long".

There was a time where she scared me so much I lightly tickled her on her waist because she's trippy like that. I'm 38 and she's 25. She just broke up with her man four months ago and two other coworkers tried to get with her and she turned them down.

This girl has never physically touched my ears or said anything sexual to me like she wants to have sex with me or anything. She already has a kid from her previous bf.

Another time she suffered chigger bites on her stomach and didn't care about lifting her shirt to show me. I know I shouldn't have looked but I did anyway and said it looks awful. I didn't see her breasts when she did that mind you.

I have to know everyone, am I out of line or no? Is she being too playful or does she have feelings for me? Again, the thought of cheating never crossed my mind and I would sacrifice my life for my wife. I love her.

What advice would you give me? Am I a cheater or am I overreacting?

 
bunnyhabit
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 12:35 am
You are not cheating yet. This is just typical playful flirting to show you she is available to you. You should make sure she understands that it will never get beyond that since you love your family and will never cheat on your wife. IF you don't do this soon she will get stronger in her flirting because she will interpret you are interested in her. After four months away from her boyfriend her hormones must be raging for satisfaction Don't put off your defense for long to avoid hurting her from not seeing other men waiting for you. .
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 06:48 am
@daniel2099,
Not yet.

Stay out of such situations with your coworker, and for God's sake don't tickle her. You're not four year olds. It's a place of business and that's 100% inappropriate on top of the rest of it.

Stop being alone with this woman if you value your wife and your marriage.
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 07:33 am
@daniel2099,
She is being very inappropriate. You're not helping things by allowing her to behave in such an inappropriate / immature way. Do not follow her lead by touching her - in any way - or speaking to her inappropriately as she does to you.

To protect both of you, you need to directly tell her that the touch and sexually suggestive language is not acceptable.

Tell a manager what she is doing.

If she does not stop, report her to human resources at your job.

The behaviour that you have described is not appropriate in the workplace.

I would recommend staying away from her.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 07:35 am
@daniel2099,
daniel2099 wrote:
Is she being too playful or does she have feelings for me?


She is not playful - she is inappropriate.

How she might or might not feel about you does not matter.

Stay away from her. Tell her to back off/keep her hands to herself. Tell her you do not like the sexually suggestive joking.

Report her.

If you can't do those things - change jobs and try to learn a lesson from this.
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 09:17 am
@daniel2099,
daniel2099 wrote:


This girl has never physically touched my ears


Are you a Ferengi?
daniel2099
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 09:30 am
@izzythepush,
I had to look that up because I've never heard of it and I don't watch star trek but massage of my ears could feel pretty to any man I guess.
0 Replies
 
daniel2099
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 09:40 am
@ehBeth,
Report her? I'm old enough to handle these things on my own. The entire workforce would look upon me as an uptight asshole and whimp. This is just a woman here and she won't even get to first base. She's a good person but I can't be mad at her. Nothing will happen and I'm positive I won't be tempted into sex. There's no way I'd see her telling that to me. The talk isn't enough to raddle me mind you but I see where you're coming from.
ehBeth
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 10:03 am
@daniel2099,
daniel2099 wrote:
Report her? I'm old enough to handle these things on my own.


and if you turn her down and she reports that you were harassing her? sues you and your employer? [email protected] like that happens

report it to your manager at least so your ass is covered

you have a responsibility to yourself and your workplace - not to her
ehBeth
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 10:16 am
@daniel2099,
daniel2099 wrote:
Report her? I'm old enough to handle these things on my own.


and if she moves onto someone younger / less able to handle these things after you shut her down? this is part of your responsibility to your employer
daniel2099
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 10:40 am
@ehBeth,
A sexual favor hasn't been brought up nor do I see that happening. There would be signs like she's trying to get with me alone, a wink, or sexually suggestive remarks all of which never happened. You're thinking too much into this. If she ever whispered into my ear saying she wants to **** then ok, you got something there. I just don't see that happen. A guy knows the signs. Shut her down? She hasn't given me the slightest reaction hint she wants to get into bed with me. You said she's inappropriate but would it be considered sexually flirtatious? She's seeing how far she can push it and seeing how I'm going to respond? You think she'll take it a step further? I'm sorry but I don't see that happening. I can't be tempted. Its impossible.
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 11:22 am
@daniel2099,
You started this thread, so something ain't quite right. It sounds like you were looking for a green light to carry on and now you've not got one you're getting arsey.

What's happening is not appropriate behaviour for the workplace, you need to tell her to knock it on the head. Flirtatious chat is one thing, inappropriate touching/tickling crosses a line.
daniel2099
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 11:32 am
@izzythepush,
There's been no inappropriate touching. It's not like I've slapped her butt. And no I'm not looking for a green light. And I'm not arsey!!
0 Replies
 
daniel2099
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 11:40 am
@jespah,
I know, I know. I shouldn't have done that. It just happened. It was a spontaneous reaction.
daniel2099
 
  0  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 12:13 pm
@izzythepush,
So flirtatious chat is acceptable? Got it! I was getting worried there.
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  3  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 01:02 pm
@ehBeth,
ehBeth wrote:

daniel2099 wrote:
Report her? I'm old enough to handle these things on my own.


and if you turn her down and she reports that you were harassing her? sues you and your employer? [email protected] like that happens

report it to your manager at least so your ass is covered

you have a responsibility to yourself and your workplace - not to her

That was my very first thought.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 01:48 pm
@daniel2099,
And an inappropriate one.

You keep claiming nothing inappropriate happened yet it did. And that doesn't even get into the banter.

And you're also claiming you can never be tempted. Christ on a cracker, you already are. Because if you weren't, you would take or leave her and get out of the situation. Instead, you're doubling down and digging your heels in. You're trying to make excuses for continuing.

Also, have you been talking to your wife about all of this oh so friendly banter? I'll lay odds you haven't -- and that's not what a person who is ironclad-can-never-be-tempted would do. A person who couldn't be tempted would bring it up with their spouse or significant other. "You'll never guess what Jane did the other day...."

If you haven't been having those conversations, then you're being secretive about this. And that's can make it oh so easy to cheat.

And as for never, ever, not in a million years temptation -- one of the ways we resist temptation is by avoiding it. You're not bucking for sainthood here, fending off temptations left and right and wearing your hair shirt.

You're a middle-aged guy who's lapping up a bunch of overly suggestive, inappropriate attention from a younger member of the opposite sex. And you're enjoying the naughtiness of goofing off while on company time and keeping it secret from your wife. Don't sugarcoat it. That is what is happening here.
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 01:53 pm
@daniel2099,
daniel2099 wrote:
There would be signs like she's trying to get with me alone, a wink, or sexually suggestive remarks all of which never happened.


daniel2099 wrote:
I'm the only one that she's sneaking up on and occasionally scares me from behind by touching my waist.

I try to get her back

One time I had trouble opening a box and got out my pocket knife. She said and I quote "Whip it out" followed by my name.

Another time I had a difficult time pulling an item out and she said "You can do it, you can do it alllll night long".

There was a time where she scared me so much I lightly tickled her on her waist

Another time she suffered chigger bites on her stomach and didn't care about lifting her shirt to show me. I know I shouldn't have looked but I did anyway and said it looks awful.

Is she being too playful or does she have feelings for me?


inappropriate by a half dozen or so right there

she's messing with you and you think it's exciting because you're a middle-aged man being teased by a beautiful young woman

__

talk to your wife about this - ask her advice
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 02:00 pm
@jespah,
oh

and there we go

listen to jespah
0 Replies
 
daniel2099
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 3 Nov, 2018 02:48 pm
@jespah,
Am I a bad person? Just an hour ago I had incredible no condom sex with my wife. That must mean something right?
 

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