Not even sure where this post will end up...seems that things got off track.
I just have a couple of questions. Maybe I've missed some things(couldn't bring myself to read 6 pages of posts), but I did catch somewhere that she thinks this guy is wonderful, "unhappy"(wow, what an idea), and a good person?? Correct??
I just have to ask....will you feel the connection when he goes through a difficult divorce? Will you feel the connection when his "mess" he's created is dragged to court? Will you feel the connection a few years down the road when he's paying child support for the kid "he loves so much"?
Maybe I'm a little too late, but it's funny how so many young women are willing to take on these situations...simply not knowing all they involve.
wow..thanks
ok, i have read all 6 pages and many thanks to the advice given..IWishIKnew, do heed them..
i have been the wife, and YES, it really hurts when u know the sheets u changed was slept on by a woman other urself..but now i am the OTHER WOMAN myself!! i came in searching for sound advice on ending my relationship with a married man (shudn't i know better??) and i found it here.
many many thanks..but it is hard isn't it? it is so addictive, the thrill, the adventure etc etc. i have to repeatedly read these posts to stop entertaining romantic thoughts that i have..
so hard
I know everything it involves, and I tell myself everyday to stop it, and everyday I go into work and I see him and all those thoughts just flicker away.
It's so strange, all the conflicting feelings....I don't want him to leave his daughter while she is so young, and strangely enough my own parents divorced when i was like 10 or something because my dad cheated (he's now married to the other woman)
after time i've become used to it all and don't bear any hard feelings against my dad. he loves me, i know that much. the issues between my parents....i dont know.
ugh, so hard to get all my thoughts out at once! I am looking for a new job, but as I've said before it takes time, and while i see him everyday i cant bring myself to end it. I see the way he looks at me and i melt into a ridiculous mushball and i dont know why. i have a boyfriend 1200 miles away who's so madly in love with me it riddles me more with guilt than lust or love. I love him, but i dont feel like im IN love with him. It's like he's my best friend, i dont want to spend my life with just a best friend, i need that spark, which is so rare for me to find, and for some reason I found it with my married boss. *sigh*
The people that have given me heartfelt advice and not just belittled me, I thank you for your opinions, I do realize them and understand them, but it is so much easier to say than to do sometimes.....
I myself was once like you, putting down people who cheated, thinking surely I would never do something like that. But you dont plan life, and when things happen to you, you may find you deal with them differently than you so fervently believed you would have acted.
I dont know what will happen. Either way someone will be in tears, I know that much. *sigh* t this point that is somewhat inevitable. i try to believe that everything happens for a reason, I just hope that is true.
thanks again for your continuing advice everyone
Why?
Unavailability has aphrodisiac qualities that keep the normal progression of lusting and in love to long time love stuck in the starting place.
Is that what it is? unavailability? I thought that was the part that bothered me the most actually. the way its so hard to find time together. unavailability is what frustrates me every day. How can you explain why you are intricately attracted to one person and not another? It is a myriad of elements involved that I feel has no real explanation. Love isn't logical, it is fortutious and serene and often confusing, but I suspect very rarely logical.
*sigh*
off to bed in a drunken haze after a night out with the sister, at least i had a good night tonight and got to relax a little
night night
Is that what it is? unavailability? I thought that was the part that bothered me the most actually. the way its so hard to find time together. unavailability is what frustrates me every day. How can you explain why you are intricately attracted to one person and not another? It is a myriad of elements involved that I feel has no real explanation. Love isn't logical, it is fortutious and serene and often confusing, but I suspect very rarely logical.
*sigh*
off to bed in a drunken haze after a night out with the sister, at least i had a good night tonight and got to relax a little
night night
I am in no way finding fault with your situation because I too am involved with a married man. I was also married for 15 years and had resigned myself that I had made my bed and had to lie in it. Eventually, I became depressed and sad. Pretty much lived in a made up happy life in my head to deal with how lonely I felt. It came to a point where I had to make a change. I asked him to work on the marriage and he wrote me a beautiful letter telling me he would, I marked the day on the calendar. After a year and no improvement I decided to end it, which is never easy. After some difficult times we have now developed a friendship - it has been 5 years. The only reason we are able to be friends is that there was no hurt from extramarital affairs, etc.
Now, I am not saying I know everything but the two of you seem very young. His marriage may not really be on the rocks, he may just be bored in it, which is not unusual at this point. I will tell you this, sometimes married men are attractive to us because if we end up dumped it is because he has obligations and duties, that is easier to handle than just getting dumped cuz we are not as good as the new flavor or marriage worthy to that person. If by chance we are lucky enough to be the winner when the man leaves his family, violates his obligations, goes against what he thinks is right, then he really must love us!! Damn straight - or not? Then how do we love ourselves? How will this effect our ability to love ourselves and trust in the future. Can't even be upset if it happens to us cuz it would be deserved, don't you think?
In addition, I know that my mans girls would suffer long term if our affair were found out. Women get their sense of self in many instances from how their fathers treat them and other women - this would kill my man, and probably ruin our relationship. I have talked about it with him many times, but we are both really selfish right now. We have known each other 5 years and been involved for the past 2 years. I know something has to give because our love and friendship means more to me than having him in my life. I can see the strain it is putting on me and I am afraid that I will turn into a hatful, vindictive mistress. I would rather say good-bye. I know he doesn't like how it is effecting me either - because I am not the agreeable sex kitten that he once got involved with. Sounds sick coming from a 40 year old I am sure.
It is too bad that we can't have adult relationships that fill the voids in our lives without the affair part, it seems that it would be much more healthy for everyone. I have learned the hard way and would hate for you to. Our society doesn't allow for close men/women relationships that way - for the most part. Maybe if it would change there wouldn't be so much divorce or affairs on either part. Also, try to develope a real friendship with yourself - even as you are still in this relationship. Break the synapsis in your brain from the interaction with him - have interactions in other areas that cultivate new excitement for you that are healthy. It takes a while, but keep doing it until you don't feel the need to go to bed drunk and lonely. Live your life!! Screw worrying about him.
I love my man - but I am distancing myself slowly so as to protect the love I have for his family, him, myself, and all my poor friends who have to listen to my crap....do the same. It will get better! I am not there yet but I am bustin the trail for you - hope we both end up OK!
