Am I a paedophile

Mills75 wrote:

Dammit! I hate it when my information is outdated. Currently there are no states with a straight 14 year old age of consent. The average age of consent (for the purposes of determining statutory rape) in the U.S. is 16. For the purposes of marriage it's 18 without parental consent in most states. The following link has detailed information on the age of consent for the purposes of marriage:

http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/legal_age_of_consent/index.shtml

It appears that Utah and a few other states changed their consent laws just within the last five years. There are still states, however, that allow marriage as young as thirteen with parental consent. In fact, California and Kansas do not specify any minimum age requirement for marriage with parental consent.

i have a 22 year old chat friend in usa with 4 kids.
i have friends who have been moms at 16 - all it needed was the parents to sign.
i have a chat acquaintance in Mini-soda, who's husband has father 3 kids - 1 by her and 2 by her own sister.
and i heard that in Alabama, insestual marriage isnt prohibitted.
nevada allows hookers. (legal)
i have friends in usa, in australia, who have been sleeping since 12, 13, 14, 15, 16....

at the same time i know case when the guy and even a woman sometimes was severely punished when the person he/she slept with was underage. often the man/woman didnt know that the other one was underage and yet got punished bad.

yet what the same things happens and the woman gets pregnant, all that needs to be done is the parents to sign papers or something, and often everyone is off the hook!!

thats just baffling.

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Quote:

Does this make you a pedophile?

But remember that he did know the age.

Puritanism? Tell me what it´s the meaning of pedophile.

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"i have friends in usa, in australia, who have been sleeping since 12, 13, 14, 15, 16...."

It is not considered child abuse unless there is an age difference of five years, or one is mentally incompetent, or one is a child under the age of consent and one is a child.

A paedophile is an adult who fancies kids.

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sorry i should have mentioned that those acquaintences/chat friends of mine who hav been sleeping from the age they did, have not always slept with people their age and often with "peers".

20 doing 16 isnt punishable?

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Probably depends where you are.

Here, it is technically illegal - (age of consent is 17) - however, as it happens, I just had cause to check 16 girl with 23 year old male with the child protection people here.

Their view was that, as long as it was fully consensual (it is) and the adult had no status like teacher, therapist, guardian etc relationship with the 16 year old, they would not be concerned.

I think this a sensible decision - I think more harm than good would be done by state intervention. I think the fella is a jerk, though. All his girlfriends seem to be about 15, 16 - and he reels 'em in by being a caring, concerned older friend.

Had he been her teacher, counsellor etc,. they would have gone for him.

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Quote:

Had he been her teacher, counsellor etc,. they would have gone for him.

The age of consent in those circumstances here is 18 because of the perceived authority the older person has over the younger person. Good thing too.

He's a creep. I've seen his sort before. There's something wrong with them, they can't relate to females of their own age so they hang around with young women who are still, in many ways, growing up. It's exploitation but not illegal. Chances are when he's 43 he'll still be trying to pick up 16 year old girls.

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goodfielder wrote:

Quote:
Had he been her teacher, counsellor etc,. they would have gone for him.

The age of consent in those circumstances here is 18 because of the perceived authority the older person has over the younger person. Good thing too.

He's a creep. I've seen his sort before. There's something wrong with them, they can't relate to females of their own age so they hang around with young women who are still, in many ways, growing up. It's exploitation but not illegal. Chances are when he's 43 he'll still be trying to pick up 16 year old girls.

Couldn't agree more.

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Priamus wrote:

Quote:
Does this make you a pedophile?

But remember that he did know the age.

Puritanism? Tell me what it´s the meaning of pedophile.

The following comes from Medem.com's Medical Library

Quote:

According to the DSM-IV definition, pedophilia involves sexual activity by an adult with a prepubescent child. Some individuals prefer females, usually 8- to 10-year-olds. Those attracted to males usually prefers slightly older children. Some prefer both sexes. While some are sexually attracted only to children, others also are sometimes attracted to adults.

Pedophiliac activity may involve undressing and looking at the child or more direct physical sex acts. All these activities are psychologically harmful to the child, and some may be physically harmful. In addition, individuals with pedophilia often go to great lengths to obtain photos, films or pornographic publications that focus on sex with children.

These individuals commonly explain their activities with excuses or rationalizations that the activities have "educational value" for the child, that the child feels "sexual pleasure" from the activities or that the child was "sexually provocative." However, child psychiatrists and other child development experts maintain that children are incapable of offering informed consent to sex with an adult. Furthermore, since pedophiliac acts harm the child, psychiatrists condemn publications or organizations that seek to promote or normalize sex between adults and children.

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borealace wrote:

Although I will never act upon the attraction, am I normal for feeling like this?

Constructive feedback would be appreciated.

There is a big diffrence between finding another human being ( no matter the age ) sexually attractive and finding them sexual game.
We as people are sexual beings from birth. When we start to develop sexual charactersitics.. about the age of 12-13.. we become sexually ATTRACTIVE.
Noticing someones sexual attractiveness isnt a problem. You would have to be struck blind to NOT notice it. It is acting on these feelings.. that is the problem.
Let me put it this way...
A person who is comfortable in thier own skin and comfortable with thier own sexuality will be able to look at someone of the same sex and think " wow! he-she is beautiful!" BUT- they wont look at them and think " I want to have sex with them" Big diffrence.
People who are attracted to children dont HAVE that diffrence, they dont HAVE that ability to just 'notice' them. They think that they are fare game in the sexual world. People who cross that line dont have the second thought of " wow, she is young- TOO young" .
Noticing a young woman for being attractive doesnt make you a child molester.

Do I think, from what you have posted , that you are a pedophile?
Nope.
Pedophiles dont always think they are wrong. They dont see the line between adult and child as a line you do not cross. In some cases, they are incapable of distinguishing appropriate sexual behavior and innapropriate sexual CONDUCT.

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I think Mills' points on this thread are quite useful to Borealace, if they fit. There is a biological reason one can notice a girl in beginning puberty and not get all guilty about the simple notice. I think his reaction from the notice, especially in contrast (or not) to noticing older females, not really my business, can help him figure out whether he needs to see a counselor.

As an aside, as an aesthetic thing, I am more interested in the piquance of age incursions on faces and bodies of either sex than I am at looking at a model in some magazine ad. This is aside from sexual attraction, or at least tangential. It is of plain old human interest to me. One cannot deny that puberty is an interesting time of life, a cusp. So... the level of fascination is a question to me. Normal noticing is, er, normal.

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Does anyone recognize a difference between a pedophile and a pederast?
I knew an elderly man who loved young children, spent as much time with them--constructively I should add--but NEVER touched them or talked to them improperly. I wonder if he wanted to. If he enaged them sexually, he would then be a pederast.

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No, I don't really know, JL. Thanks for pointing that out.

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Quote:

knew an elderly man who loved young children, spent as much time with them--constructively I should add--but NEVER touched them or talked to them improperly. I wonder if he wanted to. If he enaged them sexually, he would then be a pederast.

Yes, but it isn´t the point I think. Don´t get mix love for children and to be attracted sexually by a 11 years old child.

Of course, I can´t known who is a pederastian or a killer; I am talking about the whish to do that. Potentially oneself can be a pederastian or a murderer, the fact that someone doesn´t molest a child or kill someone doesn´t mean he can be a pederastian or a killer (potentialy, of course).

So, sexually talking, someone can cover his sexual fantasies without put a hand over a child.

I am giving an opinion regarding I read, and what I read it´s that someone is attracted by a 11 years old child.

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I think many of us don't realize that kids, particular girls, are sexually maturing physically at a much earlier age than they have since such data has been recorded. Researchers aren't sure why. One popular theory links this to the use of hormones in dairy and meat production. A friend of mine who's a counselor recently told me about a new theory that's gaining popularity; it links this early maturation to the ever increasing saturation of the popular media with sexual imagery. Apparently, the inundation of sexual imagery triggers increased hormone production in children and, thus, earlier sexual development.

And a pederast is a man who has anal intercourse with boys. This isn't a clinical or legal term--a pederast is simply a male pedophile who has anal sex with boys.

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I understand that part, but it was a new nuance to me to think that pedophile may not mean sexual action, but simply indicate 'philia', which according to the American Heritage dictionary means 1) tendency towards or 2) abnormal attraction to, from the Greek philia - friendship.

This is obvious, once I think about it.

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That's a good point. This is where we run into the problem of common word usage, technical/clinical word usage, and word origins. Try explaining to a high school student that a bibliophile is not someone who has sex with books! :wink:

When it comes to a label as serious as 'pedophile', however, it's probably best to stick with the technical/clinical usage.

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I think of myself as an italophile, which doesn't mean, sadly enough, that I have sex with italians, at least presently.... just that I am fond of Italy.

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I'd like to have sex with Italian food. Laughing

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That could be a movie. What am I saying? It has been.

Ok, sorry, Borealace. We don't mean to make light of your question by this banter.

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mmmm...Italian food....

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Am I a paedophile

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