Am I a paedophile

Normal is an odd concept sexually, in some ways, I think.

I suspect you are far from alone - I guess the guys here who choose to answer you honestly will be more of a guide for you. A number of the men I know would admit, I think, to finding pubescent girls attractive - and I have watched them handle their adult male roles with aplomb, but some embarrassment and turmoil, when the girl children in our group reach the age of strutting their nascent sexuality, and preening in front of them. As young as twelve? Dunno - would depend on her maturity, would be my guess.

Humans have all sorts of desires and thoughts - and they are, as I see it, no problem unless we feed the less desirable ones, or act on them. Locking them away into an unacknowledged dark part of our minds seems to me as unproductive and dangerous.

As to whether you are a paedophile, it kind of depends on whether you use a straight dictionary, or a professional definition.

I tend - as someone who works with child abuse - to use the "paedophile is a person who actively preys on kids as a matter of habit" definition. If you speak the truth about your actions, I do not see you as a paedophile. Others here will use a different definition, and will say that you fit the definition.

May I suggest, by the way, that you are careful not to spend a lot of time fantasising etc about young girls?

The precursor to active abuse for a lot of guys is feeding their fantasies more and more obsessively.

I respect what you are saying about not wanting to act on your desires, and that you are not seeking out kiddy porn.

I dunno. I'm 44 and I can't say that I've never looked at a girl that might be 16 or 17 and said "Jeez, in my younger days..." but nowadays I find that I end up mistaking a lot of 20-something women for under age trouble. I don't know if that is normal either.

Very thankful your urge is not stronger.

Maybe, like homosexuality-- If we all have male and female hormones...or characteristics...and the exact level a person has is the difference in an effeminate, heterosexual male and a gay man, or any other male type--

Maybe in that way, you may have whatever combination of contributing factors leads you just a few steps in that particular paraphillial direction.

As the previous poster suggested, I'd stay as far away from temptation (pictures, daydreams...) as possible.

Again, very glad for you and those you love, and innocent children, that you have control over your ...subconscious...desire. Its hard to imagine something worse to be plagued with.

I'm with the wabbit on the issue of what is or what is not normal in matters of human sexuality--insofaras concerns feelings . . . as opposed to actions. I'd suggest that a morbid but not altogether mentally unhealthy fascination were the root cause.

Of more significance to me would be the objectification of people as sexual objects. Fishin' speaks of seeing women in their twenties and mistaking them for teenagers. Even when i know women with a very young look to be in their twenties, i find them incredibly boring. I could not imagine twenty minutes of sustainable conversation with them, let alone an entire evening. Which leads us to Miss Wabbit's remarks about feeding one's fantasies. So long as you see women not as persons, but as sexual objects, the danger of acting upon an obsession grows with the strength of the morbid fascination. See them as each a real and individually personable human being, and you begin to remove the danger, and increase the likelihood that YOU will act your age.

It is no normal to be attracted by a child of 11 years, sincerely.

I want to make a constructive critic but it is difficult when we talk about children. I could believe (why not) you wouldn´t like to have a sexual encounter with this kind of person, but I focus it that you woulnd´t dare for legal aftermaths because if you are attracted by them it´s for a sexual instinct. I think you could have a problem and you should solve it.

The mere fact that there are other men who have the same likings doesn´t justify anything. Maybe your education can counteract your sexual instincts and that it´s good.

You could be a paedophile. But, of course, I can be wrong.

Priamus, Welcome to A2K. I read a book once that was written from the viewpoint of a man who was attracted to young girls. In the end, he decided it was because he never felt comfortable with women his own age, and that problem intensified. That may be what you are experiencing. Don't label yourself just yet. Try going out with someone older than you. I think you will find that may alleviate the problems.

Let's ask a different question:

Do you think you are a danger to young girls?

If not, do the labels really matter?

borealace: are we talking prepubescent young girls or sexually mature young girls? The former is problematic and the latter is simply biology. I've seen twelve year olds with the bodies of eighteen year olds and twenty year olds who looked like they just got out of junior high. If you're a sexually healthy heterosexual male, then it's only natural to experience varying degrees of attraction to sexually mature females. Cognitively knowing the female is underage doesn't change her status as sexually mature; though, of course, said knowledge should put the brakes on any further consideration of the subject as a potential sexual partner.

Let's try to remember that sexual maturity (i.e., the development of secondary sexual characteristics and the ability to procreate) is an objective biological fact while "underage" is a subjective social construct. Less than a hundred years ago (hell, less than thirty years ago depending on what part of the country we're talking about) it was perfectly acceptable for a man in his late twenties or early thirties to marry a girl in her early teens. In some states today the age of consent is still as low as fourteen.

If you're attracted to an eleven year old who looks like a child, then that's problematic (this is even abnormal among most other mammals except in times of great environmental stress); if you're attracted to an eleven year old who looks like an adult, then you're suffering from nothing more than biology. However, if you can't keep your attraction in check and act in accord with social norms and law, then you suffer from a lack of impulse control and that's problematic.

Note of Correction Added 6/17/05: I recently discovered my information regarding current ages of consent is outdated. See post 1402814 in this thread for correction.

where and in which states?

Alabama is one for sure isnt it?

I think the fact that you have acknowledged that you have no sexual urges towards them as you find it morrally/emotionally wrong etc is a good thing, and can clearly define the boundary between ok and bad.

On reading your post it made me think about what I thought about youngsters.
I think some 11-12 year old girls look lovely, I admire their outfits and think how pretty they are and how nice there haircut is, this is all attraction.
Also I see young boys and I think to myself they are going to be handsome/heartbreakers when they are older.

Does this make me a peadophile.I hope not.I have no sexual urges for them.
If I admire young girls does that make me a lesbian peadophile!!!???

Thank you Letty.

Material Girl, it´s very different what we are talking about and what you´re telling. It isn´t the same to feel admiration by someone independently the age and to be attracted sexually.

Everybody feels attraction by someone or something. Attraction when someone wakes up your interest for some aspects; I can feel attracted by a child, a book or a man but my parameters tell me what is my psicological position respect the object. If I fall in love with a lettuce I have a problem.

That's now. Just remember that it's difficult to transgress societal rules the first time, the second time is a bit easier, the third easier still and so on. Get professional counselling now. Do it before you succumb. I'm not being judgemental, I'm being practical. I'm not going to label you as anything, that's not at all helpful but do ask for professional advice. And do it now.

Phew!! nice to know my thoughts are ok.

The original poster says he is attracted to them but not sexually so surely he has nothing to worry about.

It's scarry to think that there are actually states where the age of consent is under 18.

The feds override state laws when it comes to things like legal marijuana and euthanasia. But they don't standardize the age of consent laws.

I think their priorities are backwards.

You wana talk about backwards!!!
In this country we can have sex at 16 but cant watch it in a film until we are 18!!!

It's an ancient tenet of the law - no crime without both mens rea and actus reus. The problem is that the actus has been re-defined. When Blackstone stated there could be no crime without an actus he didn't have any idea how that concept could be stretched.

Re: Am I a paedophile


I don't think your a paedophile if you find it repulsive sexually to come into sexual contact with a young female.

If you do have feelings for young girls then i would advise you to get some help

although you are not compelled to act upon your feelings, you should not have those feelings in the first place so why live with them?

Dammit! I hate it when my information is outdated. Currently there are no states with a straight 14 year old age of consent. The average age of consent (for the purposes of determining statutory rape) in the U.S. is 16. For the purposes of marriage it's 18 without parental consent in most states. The following link has detailed information on the age of consent for the purposes of marriage:

http://usmarriagelaws.com/search/united_states/legal_age_of_consent/index.shtml

It appears that Utah and a few other states changed their consent laws just within the last five years. There are still states, however, that allow marriage as young as thirteen with parental consent. In fact, California and Kansas do not specify any minimum age requirement for marriage with parental consent.

It's nice to see reactionary Puritanism is alive and well. It reminds me of this story (Oprah did a show on it some years back) about a mother who became sexually aroused while breast feeding her infant. Understandably upset, she called some parental help line for guidance, and Child Protective Services was in her home taking away her child before she could finish burping him. As it turns it, her arousal was a natural and unavoidable physical response to the stimulation of her nipple experienced by millions of breastfeeding mothers every year. Ladies and gentlemen, we can control our voluntary behavior, but we cannot control our involuntary physiological responses to the world around us.

If the beginner of this thread is talking about being attracted to sexually undeveloped females, then there's a problem. If he's talking about being attracted to sexually mature females of young chronological ages, then he's merely experiencing a normal and natural physiological response. The only potential problem with the latter is whether or not he lacks the impulse control to abide by society's rules, but that's a potential problem in virtually any aspect of human behavior.

I would propose the following hypothetical to those who are so quick to offer up suggestions of therapy for the beginner of the thread:

You're a thirty year old male. At the mall you see a beautiful young woman who looks like she's an adult. You're attracted to her and even have a sexual dream or two about her. A few days later you discover that she's actually twelve. Does this make you a pedophile?